Jack of Hearts Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hey everyone, I just need some tips on how to proceed after this interaction. There is this amazing girl at work that I have developed a crush for. We've gotten close by talking, going to lunch, going to happy hour, etc. I realized that if I didn't take the plunge and ask her out, then I would regret it for a very long time. So we went out with some co-workers and were our usual selves, teasing and ripping on each other, but I kicked up the flirtation. At the end of the night I told her that I wanted to take her out to a certain restaurant. She told me she thought of me as her friend. I reiterated that I was into her and she told me she thought so, especially after the increase in my flirtation during the night. I accepted her position and told her that no matter what happens with us that she will always have a fan and a friend with me, but I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me. She said she was totally comfortable around me and would still like to go out to dinner as friends. So, I can accept us being friends. I don't mind that at all and have found that attractive female friends are invaluable. I'm a little disappointed about the outcome, but who wouldn't be a little? I also know that because of my nervousness, state of mind and being tipsy I didn't come across as confident and direct as I had hoped, so.... My questions are these: Ladies, if you have ever experienced a similar situation, did you ever think any less of or differently of the man? If you have experienced this, has the fact that a man has asked you out made you uncomfortable around him? If not, what would? I hope her and I can build a friendship (and no, I do not have an agenda here) and I plan on just moving along as normal. I won't avoid her or change my interaction habbits with her, or be cold or anything like that. I will continue to be her friend as I have been. A part of me is glad that I at least told her how I felt instead of keeping it inside and left wondering what if. Lastly, do any of you have any pointers on how I can proceed with this to ensure a healthy relationship comes from it? Thanks!
carhill Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Yes, surely; have her introduce you to one of her attractive female acquaintances. I'm sure she'll be glad to
D-Lish Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 The only time I have felt uncomfortable around a guy after he expressed his interest is when he keeps forcing the issue. I think if you are planning on remaining friends, it will be fine as long as you can accept her decision.
New Again Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I wish I could help you, but honestly, I make it a point to not attempt friendship with guys who have explicitly said they are interested in me/attracted to me. This of course is the result of growing up and learning the hard way that it doesn't work out that way - at least it never did for me. I have plenty of girl friends, and a very small number of guy friends (who I never dated and were never interested in me as far as I know) - I don't need more friends who would potentially cause me drama, or cause a problem with a future romantic interest. For me, at the most you would be an acquaintance I enjoyed seeing out in a large group of mutual friends once in awhile.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 definitly get her to hook you up with her friends.
paddington bear Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Be honest with yourself...are you really really really ok with being friends? If so, go forth and have dinner and go on kind of dates, dates that aren't dates, and know that all that time you spend with her in the future you may feel like you're getting closer and closer to this person, while at the same time knowing she doesn't want you in that way and end up feeling rather bruised from the whole thing. Being friendzoned sucks. I've done the same as you with guys 'Oh I don't mind, sure, let's be friends, it's cool'...and it never is cool, at some point down the line after hanging out and being friends, the fact that they didn't want me became an issue. So, I agree with the others, ask her to hook you up with any single friends she has. And to protect yourself from moving from the friendzone into the unrequited love zone, which is a horrible place to be.
Bayern Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'd agree to be honest with yourself. If you really are after friendship I think it will show as such. I for one (as a male) would find it hard to be only friends with someone I had feelings for like that. For that reason it usually is harder for me (and I assume her too) if that is the case. Good luck.
Author Jack of Hearts Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 I think the main reason why I feel I can handle and would even welcome a healthy friendship with her is because my feelings for her had only come around in the last few weeks. It's a small crush that I explored, not an obsession that I was dependant upon. I took a shot early to avoid getting wrapped up into the whole thing. Considering the way men usually react to getting put in the friendzone, I've always thought that it would more benificial to not re-reject the woman's offer to be friends and try to learn and grow from each other.
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