Road To Joy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I should have posted this in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex!" thread but I feel it's too personal to just let it sit with hundreds of pages of... you know. I'm almost ashamed of feeling this way and I'm scared to post it and let you all 'in'. I'm afraid of what the replies will be, or if there will be any at all, and in all honesty, it's scary to show anybody at all (at least for a person like me) this type of vulnerability. But, here goes nothing... The bottom line is, Kelsey, I gave you my all and more. I gave you a part of me. I let you in, I trusted you. I sheltered in you. I opened a little door in my heart, and I gave you the key, as cliché as that may sound. I went above and beyond my abilities to get through to you. I did what most people would never do. I went through what most people would not accept going through. I put up with what most people would never put up with. I walked through hell for you. Maybe I walked through hell WITH you, yknow? We fought, we hurt, we went through it all, and I still did not leave you. I stuck with you through everything. The last month we spoke, the month we weren’t together, I prayed to God, or whatever higher power there might be, if there even is one, that my lover would come back soon. That this monster that had taken over her would go away and let me be at peace with my other half. And here you came, not even 3 months after the breakup, and over a month of no contact. I’m not doing this to make you feel guilty and the last thing I want is for you to be with me out of remorse. I’m trying to prove to you how much I have loved you. I supported you, I believed in you. I really did. I wouldn’t have stayed with you, or gone through everything I did if I didn’t believe you could get better, if I didn’t believe you would stop. You used to say that I’m just bringing you down by believing that you will do those things again and whatnot. You used to also say that all you wanted was for someone to love you and believe in you. But the truth is that there wasn’t a more authentic and living proof that I believed in you than that of me staying by your side. I honestly can’t stop believing in the people I love. And what I mean by the people I love, I mean you. I feel ashamed admitting that. I have a wonderful family and I have met amazing people, but I can’t believe in them like I do in you. Maybe I just love you that much, but I can’t give up on you. Sometimes I wish I could, because it’s so painful but I just can’t. Is that why I love you? You bring out this trait in me that doesn’t ever come out unless it’s with you. Maybe you bring out the best in me? You once said I brought out the best in you. I remember a couple of weeks after you told me you cheated on me you told me to promise you that I won’t leave, and that you’ll promise the same. Why? Because at that moment, as we both laid together, peaceful for once, you knew the storm always passes. And this has all been just a big storm. ---- If you take a step, I will make you sure that you take the next If you tell a lie, I'll just nod my head, and I'll let it slide Cause you woke me up, and there's birds outside, and I still feel drunk But I'm glad you did, cause last night you weren't making that much sense. You said you wanna die, now you say you wanna live You said you loved me after forty five minutes If this is all a game, can you just say it is? I'll do it anyway, so it makes no difference We should order up, wash the wine out of the coffee cup They got bread and fruit, there's probably not much else for you. We can lay around, you can kiss me 'till the maids come kick us out. It's eleven now, so make every second count But back in New York, they can't ever find this out There are things we do, that we're really not allowed We can say anything, but we just can't say it loud. I hope you always find someone to take you home To put you into bed, kiss your cheek, and check your pulse Make sure you're still breathing, with their hand up to your nose I wish that could be me, but it's just not possible.
Sevenscars Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 That was touching. I wish I could say more. The poem was really great. I am sorry you lost her. I hope in the future someone greater than her comes along and lets you in the same way you let her and all of us in.
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