Chef Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I've been dating this girl for a little over a month now. Things have been going absolutely great, everything moving along at a good pace, and no problems to have faced as of yet. Until very recently, that is. Back when me and her got together, a guy friend of hers got into a fight with her and stopped talking to her because he was pissed I beat him to the punch, basically. Well, a couple of weeks or so ago, she gets a text from an non-contact in her phone. I ask her "who's that?" out of curiostiy. She tells me it's an "old friend who I don't want to talk to" and proceeds to text him a big F-U and delete the text. He continued to text, and she let up on it and texted him back, nothing really harmful. Last week, though, he called for a meet up of her and him since he's leaving for the Navy or something in a few weeks, and wanted to smooth things out. They did so, and the next day when I saw her, she seemed genuinely pissed about the whole thing, saying stuff like "I never hope to see that motherf***er again." However, I have noticed over the past few days, they continue to text. What hits me the hardest is that when I met her for her lunch break, she got a text. I recognized the number, but played it off saying "who's that?" again. Without hesitation, she lied to me saying "oh, someone from work looking for me to pick up their shift." I shrugged it off but have started being bugged by this chain of behavior as well. Since their meet up, she has turned me down to get together on several occasions, each excuse as bizzare as the next. Such excuses as "my roommate wants me to clean my room, so I can't until I do that" or "well, I actually got really into this book so maybe tomorrow?" and my personal favorite, a denial of dinner at 7 PM because "it's too late tonight, I have a shift at 3 in the afternoon tomorrow" So, what is the deal with this guy? Why is it suddenly my girlfriend is lying to me about him as well and also suddenly flaking away from seeing me so much? I don't want to think that their cheating, but it sure seems that way. Any way I can approach this situation?
fallendisguise Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm a bit confused. You say that you are dating and then call her your girlfriend towards the end of the post. You've only been seeing each other for about a month. I get the impression that you haven't spent enough time with her to get to know whether or not this is really a relationship. So with that being said, why don't you ask her what she wants to get out of this and maybe say that you would like to be exclusive, her not talking to other guys. Me personally, I wouldn't like it if a guy I had only been seeing for a month was asking who was calling (I'd feel a bit claustrophobic), but at the same time you shouldn't feel the need to ask because she is giving you lame excuses and making you feel like something is going on along the side lines.
Author Chef Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 I use the two terms interchangibly. But since it apparentely wasn't obvious enough from the context of how often me and her get together in what I wrote, allow me to clarify: We have been "seeing eachother" for close to 3 months. We had the discussion about a month ago and made ourselves exclusive to one-another. That is the length of time we have been "dating/boyfriend-girlfriend" So yes, I know where she believes the relationship stands and I know where it does stand and such. Plus the only reason I saw the original texts was because we were cuddling on the couch during a baseball game on TV, and I could see it over her shoulder. So, back to the original topic in hand. Do you think those two are doing things behind my back? Should I even be worried? I mean, the guy is gonna be shipped off in a few weeks for whatever. Should I even ask about it?
New Again Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Back when me and her got together, a guy friend of hers got into a fight with her and stopped talking to her because he was pissed I beat him to the punch, basically. So he's not really a friend. He is and has been a guy who is interested in your gf and hangs out with her. Well, a couple of weeks or so ago, she gets a text from an non-contact in her phone. I ask her "who's that?" out of curiostiy. Ew. I wouldn't like that. He continued to text, and she let up on it and texted him back, nothing really harmful. Last week, though, he called for a meet up of her and him since he's leaving for the Navy or something in a few weeks, and wanted to smooth things out. They did so, and the next day when I saw her, she seemed genuinely pissed about the whole thing, saying stuff like "I never hope to see that motherf***er again." I'm confused as to why your gf is so angry with this guy (deleted his number from her phone, texted "ef you" and now this). Also don't get why she went to meet him? He's obviously not a friend, and I'd be willing to bet his desire to meet up with her really had nothing to do with wanting to smooth things over for the sake of friendship. She shouldn't have gone to meet him. However, I have noticed over the past few days, they continue to text. What hits me the hardest is that when I met her for her lunch break, she got a text. I recognized the number, but played it off saying "who's that?" again. Without hesitation, she lied to me saying "oh, someone from work looking for me to pick up their shift." I'm still thinking "ew" about this behavior from you (just an FYI for future relationships, it's a pretty unattractive quality to girls and makes you come across as insecure, even if you're really "just curious" - trying to be helpful, not mean), but at least now you're justified, since she's lying to you. I think right here, at this point, you shouldn't have asked her "who's that?" You should have called her out - "If you hate this guy and are so angry with him, why are you still texting/communicating with him? If you know he wants you, but you want to be with me, why are you disrespecting me like this?" Even just a "Hey, what's up with this?" So, what is the deal with this guy? Why is it suddenly my girlfriend is lying to me about him as well and also suddenly flaking away from seeing me so much? I don't want to think that their cheating, but it sure seems that way. Any way I can approach this situation? Obviously, you call her out on her behavior.
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