Ashantix Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I hope I am in the right place. My relationship (with a woman and I am female) of 4 years started breaking up about a month and a half ago. All of a sudden she turned to me and said that she was tired and didn't want it anymore. I was stunned. I had not heard that said before by her and I didn't know what to do. Something told me that there was more to the story but she wouldn't admit to anything more than that there was alot of water under the bridge and that she needed her space and needed me to move out. I so didn't get it. I have made plans to move into my father's house once I can gain possession of it. Well tonight, I over heard her voice chatting on the computer program that she always is obseesively on, Second Life. This time though I heard the conversation that she was having. It sounded like a lover's type of conversation. Finally there were things that I heard that made me know that she had been having a relationship even before we broke up. I am devasted. One of the things that we talked about before we got serious was that neither one of us would tolerate cheating in our relationship and it would be about honesty. She is now denying things and won't admit that it started before we broke up. She is now trying to say that the breakup would have happened regardless of the new situation that she is in. However, I broke one of my rules tonight and went into her email. I looked into all her sent email and saw the lovey notes that she had sent to him. Some before she had called it off with me and some during the time that we celebrated our 4th anniversary. As soon as I can get the title to my house, I will be moving in there and get the hell out of dodge. This is the second long term relationship that I have had someone lie and cheat on me and break up without telling me that the reason they are with someone else is because they were too chic **** to . admit it. It so makes me never want to be in another relationship. I don't know that I can ever trust anyone every again with my heart. It is breaking right now. Hearing her say the things that she said to him. I am at a loss for words as tear are streaming down my face at 6am in the morning. I have had no sleep and was already feeling like I was coming down with the flu. Can anyone help me make sense of this????
moo Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hello Dear, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. A couple of things though..don't think about not being able to ever trust a partner again. I felt that way too and sometimes I still feel that way. But as others have told me...you can't make that type of decision now...you are in too much pain. You have to heal, and heal you shall. Also, don't break into anyone's email. I know you wanted answers, but that is an invasion of privacy, don't go down that road. Right now, you have to heal. Cry. Cry. Cry as much as you need to. Let yourself feel the pain, don't try to stunt your feelings. But also try to do nice things for yourself to make yourself feel better today. I'm wondering if there have been red flags in this and the other relationship that you chose to ignore. When you are feeling better, you can think about your relationship and try to identify red flags so that the chance of this happening again may be less...I say MAY be, because so many people do cheat...but right now, you just need to let it out and feel better. Do you have a friend that can come over and sit with you? If not, a family member that you can call? Comedy movies (NOT love comedy) but strait comedy movies can be a great remedy...like Abbot and Costello movies or Three Stooges movies. Also, we are here for you.
Author Ashantix Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Thank you for your reply. I got no sleep and no peace. She got up and we got into the discussion of the when and why of this other person. She thinks that now I will use this as a justification for the relationship ending instead of the problems that were there. I totally understand the difference. The thing finding this out clarified for me is why the end was so final. No counseling options, no trial separation, nothing. Just 2 months ago we were planning a commitment ceremony. I noticed that she was just not into it and suggested we postpone it til next year to work on things. She seemed relieved and agreed to do it then three weeks later she out of the blue says that she doesn't want it anymore and is tired? This online person gives her what I didn't she says and makes her feel needed and wanted. They are involved in the fantasy avitar Second Life program where the avitars can get married and even have sex. They can set up a home together which my ex and this person have done online. I have been reading posts on here about trying to have LC and have been using that. It was working as far as keeping the peace. I am trying to get a place to live lined up in the 2 weeks. But my heart is so broken. I am so depressed. What do you do when you have lost the love of your life?
Exit Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I am in the exact same boat as you, if that makes you feel any better. Yesterday was the first day I found my ex is seeing someone else, and knowing her, she probably talked to him before breaking up with me. I was also up until 6am and did a lot of crying. The first step is to hurt until you just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm not sure I have any advice on how to heal. I know a bunch of things I could say, but in my current mental state, it's hard to believe in any of it. I lost the love of my life too and I have no idea when I'll be able to stop thinking about it.
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