lonelyboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I met this girl roughly back in september 2008, we got to know each other and decided to start dating in october. Since then i've been the most happy and cheerful guy since i met her. She is perfect in everyway and we didn't go a day without seeing and speaking to each other. recently we had been having a lot of arguements, i had been having outbursts before with her but it seems this time i finally tipped her over the edge. She's decided she wants a break for at least 3 weeks, this has hit me hard because i've been so blind not to see it coming and im totally hating myself and regreting what i've put her through. Its hard because she doesn't want to speak till she gets back from vacation which is in 3 weeks and we haven't got a day since we started dating not talking to each other. I'm finding it really hard to deal with, she said she needed a break cause she needs to make decisions about how her life is going and she needs some time away from me. I have a horrible feeling at the end of the break she won't want to continue with the relationship because i've finally pushed her too far and her heart cant take the pain anymore. I just don't know what to do..i love her so dear to my heart and have poured my heart out countless of times to her and im most happy in my life when im seeing and talking to her...she means the world to me. I just think finally i've blown it all because i can't control my actions...i just hope she can forgive me and after the 3 weeks she will take me back because i cant live without her. I'm going through a terrible time dealing with this break, we've only been on it for 4 days now and its killing me, i cant stop worrying and thinking about her because i love and miss her so much. I just feel like i want to pick up the phone and call her because i miss her voice so much but i want to give her the time and space she needs to think things over. if anyone can give me any advice on how i can deal with this situation it would help me loads.
moo Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hi. You need to be able to control yourself, so that you dont' have these outburts. Seek professional help. That will help you and also show her that you are serious about helping yourself and changing. I have had emotional outbursts too, but that was because my ex was very selfish and distant and a liar and I was sooo frustrated. However, no matter what the situation is...emotional outbursts do not help. One of the reasons why I am in therapy now, is so I won't be so emotional when there is a problem in the relationship and to learn that if someone is upsetting me so much because they are mistreating me and emotionally abusing me, then to end the relationship. Although you must learn to control your outburst...think, why are you having them? Is she mistreating you? Do you feel emotionally abused? The relationship may not be worth staying in if that is the case.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Here you go Lonely Boy, read these. She probably will want to break it off when she comes back. if she does, cut her off clean. Dont chase her, dont talk to her. If she breaks it off, you HAVE to make sure she cannot contact you. If you let her call you, it helps her get over you faster. You understand? it will hurt, but you have to do this. Its the only way she will miss your presense and possibly rethink her decision. Dont count on it, but its the only way. Dont worry, she wont forget about you. Do not take any calls that arent of her wanting to try again. And dont try to beg for your relationship, that doesnt work when its too late. Understand? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1601011&postcount=101 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=882016&postcount=2
Thomas X Forever Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm still on breaks with two girlfriends, and I've been broken up with both of them both at least a year. The moral, for the slowest of slow, breaks = break ups.
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 breaks = break ups. +1. Quoted for truth. Lonelyboy, it's done. Over. Finis. Kaput. Go full-on NC and move forward, not back.
Exit Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My ex forced two breaks on me during our relationship. She gave me the ultimatum that it was either over right here right now, or I'd let her take a break. So I dealt with it, and it was horrible, and I cried, but each time she came back. But she never came back with an apology, we never discussed what went wrong in the first place or how to make things better, she just came back and pretended that everything was ok. Deep down I knew this was never right, but rather than insist that we needed to talk and have an argument with her, I just went along with it. 3 weeks is a pretty excessive break considering you've been so close. She seems to exhibit the same behavior as my ex. Ask yourself is she really that truly connected to you if she can WILLINGLY suggest 3 weeks apart. Consider this a red flag warning you about her personality. Just like my ex, she likes to run and hide instead of figuring things out. And although she may appear close to you, she obviously doesn't form close emotional bonds if she can happily spend that much time away from you. You have no choice but to go with the flow and your best bet is to leave her alone. If you haven't already, just let her know that you miss her and you hope everything works out, this way later on she can't play the "you never even tried to contact me" game. Say it once, if you haven't already, and then give her the 3 weeks. You can find ways to occupy your time if you choose to. If she comes back, and if she wants to keep trying, I BEG you to make better decisions than I did. Make sure you two have a conversation, figure out what went wrong, and figure out how to fix it. It can be tempting to get back together, hug each other, and pretend that the problems are all solved, but they won't stay swept under the rug forever. She may come back, she may not, I don't agree that it automatically means a breakup. But more importantly is how you handle things if she is willing to come back.
Author lonelyboy Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 thanks for the advice people, we spoke today and she made it clear she needs the space from me and doesn't want to talk to me until her is vacation over. Apparently im just making her feel more sour with what i've done and trying to keep talking to her. So I'm going to take the advice of the people on these boards and give her the space she wishes, i still love her terribly and if its what she needs then I have to respect her decision and give it to her. I won't try to contact her during her time away...she will get in contact back with me if she still wants to continue our relationship at the end of her vacation. 3 weeks is a long time..i do miss her terribly but each day i hope i can heal up and sort my own life out aswell as her sorting hers.
adamt Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 got to say that from my experience a break is just going to lead to a break up. Might be her way of reaffirming her feelings that she can manage without you or she wants to have fun on vacaition. Be prepared for the worst when she comes back from vacation, i reckon she will want to split up.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm going to make three educated guesses of EXACTLY what's going to happen. 1). She will never contact you again. 2). She will contact you hesitantly after the vacation is over, only to tell you the relationship will be a no go. 3). She will not contact you immediately following the vacation, but rather at some point down the road, which she will basically just make small chat, and then disappear again. She will awkwardly deny your attempts at reconciliation.
Author lonelyboy Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 its just hard blocking out someone you've loved for so long. I guess its life..you have these knock downs so you can pick yourself back up. Overtime i guess i will heal...i just hope at the end of her vacation she still has it in her heart and still loves me so we can work out our problems and get back together
Thomas X Forever Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Oh don't worry lonely, I still hope that both my ex's see how much they miss me and love me, and find it in THEIR hearts to come back. Luckily I'm not holding my breath. I'd have suffered brain damage the first day. Tell yourself it's over, and surround yourself by that logic. Swallow yourself in it. I'm telling you now, the chances she will come back after the vacation to you, is around 2 - 5%. All you can do is tell yourself it isn't your fault, if it really isn't. Think back on your mistakes, and learn from them. This one is over.
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