bolase Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My boyfriend and first love broke up with me 6 weeks ago, and this whole time I've been overseas doing fieldwork (he broke up with me just after I left the country saying hes not in love and too busy anyway. It totally devastated me, but it helps to be away since our offices are side by side back home. We emailed for a while and it hurt like hell, until I finally realised (through coming HERE) that it did me not a shred of good hearing from him, told him this and started NC. That was 2 weeks back . Today he emailed with some small talk about his life, his big plans for the end of the year and asking me when i'm back, how its going etc. It shook me hard, even this morning I thought while going for a walk how much I felt at peace with what happened. Cant believe it but it made me cry almost instantly...is that normal? I replied with some (vague as possible) answers, didnt ask him anything about him cause I don't want to know or I'll start hurting. the last thing I said was I hope you're a happy *****(name) which I guess is half true, I'd rather him miss me but I accept whats not going to happen! He wrote back this: "you can't say that?! got many plans... what???!!!! i'm happy. hope you are. :)" what does that mean? what was the point of him contacting me anyway? i think he wants to be friends cause i know he feels guilty for breaking up with me in a foreign country and hurting me..or does he miss me? Just want to be back in NC this instant so I havent replied to the above...should I? I do miss him but feel its a hopeless cause to get back, dont really want to but feel rejected, betrayed, like im the smallest thing ever and it sucks.
Giha Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Obviously you need to block his email address or use a new email address so he won't mess with your head. It is natural to feel this way and you should cry and never hold your feelings inside. But do try to block any possible way of him contacting you any time soon. Based on your reaction I think it is the best thing you can do right now.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 No he broke up with you, so screw him. Do not answer any more of his emails. If you keep in contact he might possible want to start a FWB relationship with you, which will hurt even more. He probably is contacting you so he can find out if you are seeing anyone. So you have a choice. Dig it deep with him and tell him you are seeing someone new and you are so happy, or go NC.
Giha Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Just out of curiousity, what does FWB stand for? friends with benefits?
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Just out of curiousity, what does FWB stand for? friends with benefits? Yep, friends with benefits. I prefer booty call myself...
Author bolase Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 well not really possible, were studying the same course so its sometimes useful to have group mails etc..but thank you..I should stop replying now, i know it. It was his reply 'i'm happy. hope you are. " that cut me deep, especially as the last time we emailed he said he couldn't pretend he was happy and would never know why he'd fallen out of love. It also, reading into it probably way overboard, seems telling? i mean its sort of defensive, or is that just my reading it. why email me at all with small insignificant detail and cause me pain..what was he thinking.
Giha Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It doesn't matter right now. HE doesn't matter. all that matters is getting yourself through this, and you should focus your mind on that alone. try to stop analyzing his actions, it will only make things worse.
Author bolase Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 No he broke up with you, so screw him. Do not answer any more of his emails. If you keep in contact he might possible want to start a FWB relationship with you, which will hurt even more. He probably is contacting you so he can find out if you are seeing anyone. So you have a choice. Dig it deep with him and tell him you are seeing someone new and you are so happy, or go NC. thanks both of you:) boogieboy, damn it never crossed my mind to go option A, because it's totally untrue...but totally tempting...but thats just the hurt talking
tkgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 well not really possible, were studying the same course so its sometimes useful to have group mails etc..but thank you..I should stop replying now, i know it. It was his reply 'i'm happy. hope you are. " that cut me deep, especially as the last time we emailed he said he couldn't pretend he was happy and would never know why he'd fallen out of love. It also, reading into it probably way overboard, seems telling? i mean its sort of defensive, or is that just my reading it. why email me at all with small insignificant detail and cause me pain..what was he thinking. thing is... I doubt he even knows what he is thinking! go back to NC... unless he is saying outright that he wants you back, anything else is just going to mess with your head and your heart. Remember, NC is for you.. to help you heal and get stronger!
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