EmptyPromises Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I want nothing to do with him. I am so embarassed that I even let myself let him in again. He is NO GOOD for me. He treats me HORRIBLY. I deserve so much better and i want to get over him. I dont want to ever get back with him again i dont want to talk to him ever again. this is the last straw. IVE HAD IT. I WANT TO MOVE ON. I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK BACK I CANT. he does not respect me and ive had enough. How do i simply move on from him? I am starting no contact immediatley i want tips on how to really seriously let go of him. cuz its about time that i did.
Marina09 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 The easiest way is NC. It worked for me until I decided to break it, so don't break it no matter WHAT. Think about your personal goals and focus on them. If you ever think about him just blocked him with a good thought. I know, it sounds so easy, but it's not. Just hold it until it goes away... Good luck!!
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 ive been holding onto him all summer and have attempted no contact 3 or 4 times and broke it all because of hope. now i no for sure after last night that were not meant to be. i am not supposed to be treated the way he treats me. hes abusive hes rude he treats me like a peice of s hit and not like a princess. i am so embarassed from last night i cried myself to sleep. i cant believe i could have been so stupid to think someone could change.
stillafool Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Good for you for standing up for yourself. Put your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug because you will be okay. You are right you don't deserve to be humiliated and disrespected. You have taken the right first step and that is complete NC. Your first step would be to forgive him in your heart for what he has done. If I were you I would change all my contact info so he can't reach you. I don't know if you are a spirtual person but prayer always helped me in these situations. You will be surprised! Just try to stick to your guns and stay away from him. Write down in a journal how you feel right now and all the times he made you feel bad. When you feel weak for him read your journal entries. Call up old or new friends and make plans. Accept all invitations to do things just to get out of the house and keep your mind off of him. Try not to talk about him too much with your friends. Give yourself a week to talk about the breakup with friends and then move on. You can still pour your inner most thoughts into your journal. You will be okay. You will meet the guy you deserve because now you know what you are looking for.
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 thanks, weve actually been broken up for three months just saw eachother every once in awhile, hooked up, stayed in contact every few weeks, decided to work things out and that just didnt widnd up happening. hes never going to change his ways. he was tagged in 15 pictures with a girl last night. it looked to me like they were together, even tho he claims he hasnt been with neone other than me. i texted him saying hes a liar and to have fun. my emotions got the best of me. i just cant believe all of this. im not doing so good today. i just wanna cry. i feel sick to my stomach and just wanna sleep all day or just never wake up.
hew Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 i know just what your saying! my ex was horrible too and was no good for me. and im just finally getting over him and its an AMAZING feeling... but i will tell you it did take time. its been about 3 months now and im finally thinking of him less and starting not to care.. but im still emotional about it a little here and there. BUT the best way to get over him is to STAY BUSY trust me when i was alone i just felt awful... when i was with family, friends, and just people in general it makes things easier because you have people to talk to and support you. also just stay focused on something you llove and yourself. try your hardest not to think of him.. i know how for a while its impossible to get him off your mind.. that part took a while for me but it will get easier. and just think.. you might feel like your ex was a waste time but try to look at what you learned from him. every relationship up until you actually meet THEE ONE is just teaching you what you really deserve and what your actually worth.
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 thank you. i think seeing pictures of him and another girl brought me alittle bit of closure or at least gave me something more to make myself stop talking to him. i making a list of pros and cons and there are SO many cons. we barely had any happy times ( at least as far as i can remember right now) we were always fighting and he was always nagging me about something. the only pros i have right now are the sex and cuddling and the way he sometimes made me feel good the times that he did. idk im really embarassed at myself for not letting go of him a long time ago. i look like a pathetic fool that let him continue to mistreat me.
adamt Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 if you havent done already you need to remove him from all your social networks. It does make a difference
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 then i just wind up making a fake user name up and friending him and looking at his profile so might as well just keep us as friends
adamt Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Sounds like you are doing your best to cling onto him. Until you realise you have to let go you wont be able to move on anytime soon. then a few years down the line you wil look back with regret for wasting a year of your life on him
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 21, 2009 Author Posted July 21, 2009 yes i know, i just think unfriending him wouldnt solve anything because ill find another way to look at it if i really wanted to look at it. i feel better today...think im doing the right thing by finally accepting that things arent going to work out and that hes never goign to change his ways. theres someone out there for me thats a much better match..just dont wanna wait for him to come! lol
adamt Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 No, you are wrong unfriending him will stop you from looking at it. If you have no self control that you would create a false name and try to refriend then you have issues that border on stalking. Everyone will tell you defriending someone on social networks helps. i think you are just using an excuse because it is admitting to yourself that it is over. It took me a month after to take my ex off and made a huge difference. you want help getting over him but then you throw back in peoples faces proper advice. In the end it is upto you to decide if your really want to get over your ex
hew Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 trust me.. just try to forget him.. belive me i DID NOT want to get him off of msn /facebook/ myspace.... whatever.. but im glad i did. i know the major curiosity you will have to go look. but trust me after a while you will not give a care int he world.. im still curious but i just push thte thought outta my head when i wanna go on my brothers facebook and look at his profile. being his freind might seem like the right thing to do.. but after how he treated you do you honestly want a freind like that who can still maniplulate you some way and some how? just saying.. might wanna re think that one
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 i would not be his friend right now. no way no how. and why cant i just keep him as a friend on facebook but control myself so that i dont look at it? id think hed think it was immature of me to unfriend him. and i think that too.
joseffrost Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 i would not be his friend right now. no way no how. and why cant i just keep him as a friend on facebook but control myself so that i dont look at it? id think hed think it was immature of me to unfriend him. and i think that too. I agree with this - I know just about everyone on here advises others to delete their ex from facebook, but is it really necessary? Maybe if you can't help but look at their page, but to automatically do so seems a bit petty to me.
adamt Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 It's not petty at all, its about helping you move on. If you can't stop checking heir facebook then you have to move on. I did it and it has helped. What happens when you suddenly see your ex is back in a relationship and posting up pictures of them/
joseffrost Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I think it depends on where you are in the whole process. The first few weeks I couldn't stop checking her page and reading into every little message and post, but now I don't bother - I've accepted her decision and I hope that we can be friends in the long run. It still hurts, and when she has a new fella and spreads it all over the internet, it probably will put a lump in my throat. But maybe she'll feel the same when I have another girl. I think it depends on the person - personally I don't think it would do me any good to de-friend her on facebook and I don't think she would see it as anything but a petty gesture.
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 actually seeing recent pictures of him and another girl just made me certain that i never want to be with him again and want to move on. it actually helped me alot. i havent been upset because i know hes probably seeing someone else and that brought me some closure.
adamt Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The ex has DUMPED YOU so them thinking you have been petty will be last thing on their mind and of no concern in the whole picture. They might be relieved that you are trying to move on
joseffrost Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The ex has DUMPED YOU so them thinking you have been petty will be last thing on their mind and of no concern in the whole picture. They might be relieved that you are trying to move on I agree completely, all I'm saying is that every case is different and their is no uniform way of behaving. Personally, I don't think I need to do it to cope. On the flip side, if you really can't accept the end of a relationship or get the other person off your mind, then what good is an internet de-friending going to do? Whenever people have dropped me as a friend on there, I have viewed it with a wry smile, because I know that that person has gone out of their way to click a button and think it will make some statement to me. As I said before, it is up to the individual, and if you feel that you can cope and resist the temptation to check on them every second of the say, then why bother with a meaningless click of the mouse?
hew Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 yeah if thats what you want. its just if your going to be tempted to look then you should delete them. And as long as its not going to kill you to see him with another girl. But its 100% your choice.
lovdnlost Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 deleting the ex from facebook was one of the best things i did. i found that i had to delete some mutual friends as well because they would post up pics of them going out and such. they understood why i did and aren't holding it against me or anything like that. whether the ex thinks its petty or not doesn't matter. you're doing it for your sanity. i too checked my exs facebook for the first couple weeks after the break up and it was pure torture....feeding the pain that i already was feeling. after deleting, it was the last thing to disconnect from to fully be in NC mode. i recommend it! when it comes to the ex's the attitude should be "don't know, don't care" even if you do care, just tell yourself that and eventually you'll start to believe it. or at least i did. good luck!
delajoonal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 its time to POST these steps again... good luck:) 1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! 2. No frequent phone calls, texts, emails 3. Do not point out good points in marriage 4. Do not follow them around the house 5. Do not encourage talk about the future 6. Do not ask for help from family members 7. Do not ask for reassurances 8. Do not buy gifts 9. Do not schedule dates together 10. Do not spy on spouse 11. Do not say "I Love You" 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive 14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) 21. Never lose your cool 22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic 23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger) 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you 26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil) 28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel 34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 im not married ...so i can only follow a few of those
delajoonal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 emptyP... well, i am married 13 years, separated now, H walked out... and I can't follow ANY of those steps...LOL:p
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