LovieDove24 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It seems the more and more I date, the more often I notice a disturbing trend. People don't sit down with one another face to face for a breakup talk anymore. They either stop calling, stop texting or emailing or just ignore all-together. On a less severe note, even if the relationship is not so serious, people do not often go on second dates at the first sign of a flaw. It's always, next please...with no regard to the previous...and often no phone call to inform the other as to why. I can't deny I have been guilty of this a time or two also, but what is it? Do you think its a generational thing? A lack of attachment and options abound?
Bayern Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Lots of flake-outs for sure. Not sure if it is the generation, but it's not just breaking off relationships. During relationships and even starting them seem to be riddled with flake-outs (no not just me ). I am the younger generation, so I don't know if it's different, but I assume it is as you say.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Its only straight up cowardice. No one wants to deal with arguing with a dumpee about why they dont like them. People always ask "whats the problem?" but women dont want people to hate them, so they refuse to tell the truth so they dont feel guilty, and guys dont care and cant be bothered. usually people who do this have other choices, and thats why they can bail out at the first sign of a flaw.
Author LovieDove24 Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Wow sorry all for the crappy title, I am really not a grammar retard...just didn't finish editing before hitting Submit. Continue...
espec10001 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It seems the more and more I date, the more often I notice a disturbing trend. People don't sit down with one another face to face for a breakup talk anymore. They either stop calling, stop texting or emailing or just ignore all-together. On a less severe note, even if the relationship is not so serious, people do not often go on second dates at the first sign of a flaw. It's always, next please...with no regard to the previous...and often no phone call to inform the other as to why. I can't deny I have been guilty of this a time or two also, but what is it? Do you think its a generational thing? A lack of attachment and options abound? This is why I've thrown in the towel with dating. I've become content just being single, I can't deal with the games and the crap that goes with dating. I've got enough to worry about like how I'm going to pay the rent and how I'm going to get my next meal than to worry about a person that would disappear at a moments notice without warning and I wasted time and money on them for nothing. That's my view of it at least.
Curious-One Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 very interesting thread. I think its crazy how if you call too much you are needy but if you dont call enough you are playing hard to get or are not interested.
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Unannounced, unexplained disappearances are one of my pet peeves. It may help to remember the positive side of someone doing this, however, which is that at least they're out of your life that way. Better for them to disappear, I suppose, than for them to stick around and do additional damage. Now, how to deal with the ones who do stick around but misrepresent themselves and their intentions......?
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I personally think we are just now beginning to see the effects of growing up in the "hi-tech" era. Communication is becoming less and less personal and we are beginning to see the effects of people growing up with computers instead of interpersonal interactions.
Jagdpanther Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 plenty of flakes out there, for sure think email and texting has made it easier for people to flake out too. My ex finished with me through texting. (we were never going to work out anyhow, so I am pleased to be rid of her). extensive travel, migration of people, pressures of money and work, and fast pace of life all play their part in causing people to 'flake out' too. As said, is difficult enough sometimes to maintain one's own life, let alone take on the responsibility of a relationship.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I've noticed this trend too. I'm not sure if it's limited to this generation. Regardless, I do think that it's completely spineless to completely flake out on someone. Maybe that's just me, but I'm the type of person that always seeks the truth in every situation, no matter how hurtful it may be. Unfortunately, not many people seem to agree with me on this. I'd much rather hear "I don't think you and I click" as opposed to "omg I'm too busy and I'm not ready" type BS.The truth hurts, but imo, having to be left wondering about stuff hurts way more.
colosseum Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I personally think we are just now beginning to see the effects of growing up in the "hi-tech" era. Communication is becoming less and less personal and we are beginning to see the effects of people growing up with computers instead of interpersonal interactions. Exactly what I was about to say; amen. Just look at the texts, the cell phones, the e-mail/chat, THIS for that matter... Face-to-face interaction has become rare, and frankly therefore, more valuable to, but overlooked in society.
likeORIGAMI Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 We all flake because we don't waste our time on people who aren't worth it.
collegekid491 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I saw a great response about hi tech age which I think is bang on. The only thing to add to it though, it is cowardice. I broke up with a gf of 2 years over msn (ya, it was a class act, thankfully i grew up), reason? I was scared of having to deal with her emotions or have it turn into a shouting match. To easy to be able to hang up or disconnect if it gets to hairy
marlena Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I think it is sheer availability that abounds in today´s world. Internet dating and the sexual revolution contributed in great measure to this phenomenon we are all witnessing. I am older than you and I can remember a time when people did look one another in the face and talk. Sex was a rare commodity so people committed to a relationship and did everything in their power to make it work for their options were more limited than they are today. I find this "flaky" trend very annoying and as soon as I suspect a flake, I am out the door pronto. Oh, and let me add, it is not limited to the young generation. It´s happening with the older crowd as well. It´s a sign of the times, I suppose.
prettybaby Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I can honestly say I have never faced a flake out like that. Maybe it's an american thing?
marlena Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 You know PB, I live in Europe, too, and I agree it is less common here but with internet dating on the rise even here, it is getting more and more frequent.
gypsy_nicky Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm still waiting on one.... (in one of my threads) I think its the "hooking-up" culture we are currently in coupled with technology.
espec10001 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Welcome to the Brave New World, where being attached to one person is considered an illness and happiness and satisfaction trumps truth and beauty. Now if only they would develop soma then we'd all be set.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I find this trend disturbing and sad, but it is one way to weed out the weak-minded, those who don't have their own strong guiding values. My answer to it is to "be the change I want to see in the world" as much as possible.
SciGuy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My g/f of three years broke up with me through an email. When I tried to call her, she would not answer her phone. Weird.
Left in a Lurch Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It does seem like it is a lot easier for people to blow you off via text. If you call someone to go out, you get a vague reply via text like, "Friend is over, will call you later." Basically they acknowledge your call without having to speak with you which buys them time and when they completely blow you off, they can rely on that text as them telling you the were too busy. It's a lot easier for the dumper to dodge you like that, but is really crappy on the dumpee because it leaves them guessing. I always figure if they text you it means they aren't interested enough to actually to talk to you. It's a way for them to not be the bad guy in breaking communication or ignoring you, at the same time not really having to communicate anything meaningful to you. Eventually you realize that you have 5 or 6 texts from them and 0 return phone calls in over a week and it's pretty they are avoiding you via technology. It'sd just an easier way to lose someone without having to put any effort in it, an easy way out of a tough situation.
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Two generations of permissive parenting have resulted in exactly this narcissistic attitude. Seems that the pendulum is finally swinging the other way, in the sense that the kids should not be the sole focus of the household. But the damage for those who were brought up with the world revolving around them is probably already done.
pwnstigator Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Two generations of permissive parenting have resulted in exactly this narcissistic attitude. Seems that the pendulum is finally swinging the other way, in the sense that the kids should not be the sole focus of the household. But the damage for those who were brought up with the world revolving around them is probably already done. Bingo. Suburban-raised Americans are terrible in this regard. I live in Manhattan, where you see this at its worst. The apparent abundance of young, relatively wealthy people allows a lot of people to entertain the illusion that there's an infinite pool of available dating partners, so a lot of people cop an attitude and refuse to take anyone seriously. This, however, turns the supposed infinite availability into a massive fraud. What good is it to be surrounded by attractive people if most of them are not even capable of taking another person seriously?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 What good is it to be surrounded by attractive people if most of them are not even capable of taking another person seriously? This is why I am in no hurry to get back out there.
stepka Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Bingo. Suburban-raised Americans are terrible in this regard. I live in Manhattan, where you see this at its worst. The apparent abundance of young, relatively wealthy people allows a lot of people to entertain the illusion that there's an infinite pool of available dating partners, so a lot of people cop an attitude and refuse to take anyone seriously. This, however, turns the supposed infinite availability into a massive fraud. What good is it to be surrounded by attractive people if most of them are not even capable of taking another person seriously? Great point you made there. How do you separate out the flakes from the sincere before you've gotten your heart broken?
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