mmk1 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I ended it with the OW last year and have tried to get her to take me back for almost a year and she refuses. She is on again off again friends with me but will not get back together. When she occassionally ignores my calls and emails, I get very upset. Today, she answered one email but ignored a follow up email and later phone call. My mind is totally screwed up and sometimes I think about telling her husband in hopes he will leave her and I will end up with her. Please talk me off this insane ledge!
fooled once Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I ended it with the OW last year and have tried to get her to take me back for almost a year and she refuses. She is on again off again friends with me but will not get back together. When she occassionally ignores my calls and emails, I get very upset. Today, she answered one email but ignored a follow up email and later phone call. My mind is totally screwed up and sometimes I think about telling her husband in hopes he will leave her and I will end up with her. Please talk me off this insane ledge! Don't do it. She won't come running to you - she will hate you. Stop emailing her. Find something to occupy you. Forget about her (as best as you can) - she is not available to you!!
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 You are the OM, it's an affair - Atleast to her it is. I'm sure to you it's alot more. Problem is, she is married and you've known this from day one. She isn't going to leave her husband and if you tell him the truth, she WILL hate you and never want to see or speak to you again. It isn't up to you to tell her husband, as I said before, you knew she was a MW on day one, so if you choose to be the OM, play the role of the OM, or end it and walk away. Heal and find a single woman who can give you alot more than she can. If you stay, you'll always be second fiddle to everything else in her life. You deserve better and more, you won't ever get that from her if you stay in the affair.
OpenBook Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I hate to point out the obvious, but where is your W in all this??? Surely she must be noticing your, uh,... malaise? (I am assuming you are married since you referred to your "OW"...)
NoIDidn't Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm with OB, on this one. If you tell her H, won't she just turn around and tell your W? Are you planning on divorcing? Is she? It could just be that the A is over in her mind and she is just not that into you anymore.
tami-chan Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Stop pining for the OW, try and be happy with what you have....or what's available to you.
BlackWhite Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My mind is totally screwed up and sometimes I think about telling her husband in hopes he will leave her and I will end up with her. Please talk me off this insane ledge! You should do that long time ago. After all, it's the right thing to do and he deserves to know the truth.
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I didn't realize that mmk1 was married as well. MM, what is the point of trying to reconnect with the MW? Are you looking to start the affair again? Or are you just missing how she made you feel? What is it that you're looking for by contacting her again? Seriously - Think about it. And, think about your WIFE. Is some fun and an ego feed on the side worth throwing away your marriage? Maybe you should tell her husband and your WIFE the truth..
Lucky_One Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm going to answer you as though you are both single. She's done with you. You have hurt each other in the past, she knows this is an unhealthy relationship, and she doesn't want to be with you. Period. She does as much with you as she has to in order to maintain a work relationship, but she doesn't want you. Leave her alone. She doesn't want you.
fooled once Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 ?? Why is the first thing rejected people want to do is run tell the unwitting spouse what their cheating spouse has done? What do you hope to accomplish by that? To get her into 'trouble' in her marriage? do you think that will make her come running to you? Own up to what you did; realize she isn't into you; and move on.
BlackWhite Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 ?? Why is the first thing rejected people want to do is run tell the unwitting spouse what their cheating spouse has done? What do you hope to accomplish by that? To get her into 'trouble' in her marriage? do you think that will make her come running to you? Own up to what you did; realize she isn't into you; and move on. Totally disagree with the above advice. He should tell the OW's husband the truth about what's going on.
Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Totally disagree with the above advice. He should tell the OW's husband the truth about what's going on. Thats the wifes job, not the OM. It would be so much worse if he did it. Its her marriage, she owes the Husband the truth...
Author mmk1 Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 I would like to restart the A because of the way it made me feel and, yes, I am married. I think Lucky One is right - she only has as much contact with me to keep me interested in her but she is done with me. She says she wants to be friends, but it is entirely one-sided; I do all the initiating. Each time I do NC, I break it. I just can't leave it alone.
Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I think you need to get some IC, at least once a week, and then you may consider MC with your WIFE! She should be making you feel good not OW. And if your M is dead, do your wife and yourself a favor, Divorce. I think your w deserves somebody who makes her feel good too, and obviously your not doing the job. So what are you waiting for?
Mino Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 People want what they cant have.. Your obsessing at this point. Think about how great things would be in your marriage if you put half the energy int fixing it, that you wasted chasing and pinning after the OW. You most likely would not be feeling like this and would not ne posting, you would be on a nice vaction with your w somewhere. Redirect your energy.
tami-chan Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I would like to restart the A because of the way it made me feel and, yes, I am married. I think Lucky One is right - she only has as much contact with me to keep me interested in her but she is done with me. She says she wants to be friends, but it is entirely one-sided; I do all the initiating. Each time I do NC, I break it. I just can't leave it alone. How did the affair make you feel? How did your xOW make you feel? How does you marriage make you feel? How does your wife make you feel? Why are you still married? Do you have a long term plan with the affair, if it starts again?
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