LovieDove24 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I am 24 and am a single mother to a beautiful 13 month old daugther. Right now I am loving being a parent but hating being alone doing it. I live with an older couple, who I have known since I was two and they are like my second family. It is a nice arrangement although they are not home very often for companionship and I get lonely. It is even worse on the weekends when they travel up north to their second home on a lake. I spend my Friday and Saturday nights alone 90% of the time. I am so lonely for a companion. Someone to just sit with me, hold me, feed the baby while I make dinner. Every errand, every doctors appointment, every family function...I travel to by myself. Her first words, her first foods, every dinner we eat together, I am by myself with her. It may not be as horrible if I weren't so painstakingly aware of it all the time. And also I do not have many friends either since they all seem to only want to party and drink. I cannot talk to anyone about this because who wants to sit and hear about how lonely someone is? I have been single since I was seven weeks pregnant and the father walked out on me. So it has been close to two years now. The pregnancy alone was such a battle, I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. Now I have gotten that down to about once every couple weeks. I know that the Lord has a plan for me but *It is still so painful to want something so badly and have that be the one thing that eludes me.* Any man who I have dated since does not stick around. Either because he does not impress me as someone I'd want my daughter to see me with, or he does, but he loses interest or something else goes wrong. I wouldn't say I am an insecure person, although I do have my moments. I really have a lot to offer someone if they'd just give me a chance or if I could just find that someone. I thought if anyone would understand what the depths of loneliness feels like, it would be another single parent in a situation like myself.
Stung Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 This was a touching post, LD. I'm sorry for your loneliness and pain. The right man will come along; finding him is difficult for almost everyone, and can take time. I didn't find mine until I was significantly older than you, and at times I despaired. Now, I am grateful that I didn't meet him until I was 31, because I needed that time to work on myself, and to plow through a few other 'teaching' relationships, to figure out what I wanted. Go ahead and seek him out, in ways comfortable to you. If you're into meeting people online (a good way to screen through potentials, I think, especially since you can't run around meeting too many strange guys with a toddler in tow), try one of the more reputable dating/networking sites. Try your local social club, or cafe, or library. Join a single parents support group. But in the meantime, don't forget to make your life enjoyable to you, whether a man is in it or not. You spend too much time alone on the weekends, you want some company while you run errands with your daughter...do you have family or friends nearby? Some of them might love to be included in your daughter's life more. You can always meet women in a similar boat at Mommy & Me or Gymboree or just your local playground, find a young mom you're compatible with and start arranging weekend playdates for the kids while the moms kick back with some wine. Take up some kind of hobby in the evenings while your daughter sleeps, something that focuses you...whatever it is, scrapbooking, photography, computer programming...it will be a better mental exercise than just sitting and watching TV by yourself, and it could become an extra skill that looks good on your resume someday. The happier you can become with yourself and your life, the more attractive you will be as a partner to that man who will inevitably someday find his way to your side.
whimsical_memory Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It's extremely difficult to be a single parent, no matter how you got into that situation. I am proud of you for having the courage to admit something that most single parents (heck, even some with partners) know: Parenting is a lonely job if you don't have a good support system. I agree with the poster that suggested you find a local single parents support group, because not only will this enable you to find other parents that are going though the exact same feelings and issues (and I bet you thought you were alone in this!) but it'll also help you to expand your network of friends!! Good Luck!
Eve Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Its a healthy sign that you are able to be so honest about how you feel. *Hugs* Yeah, find interests. Be as great as the partner you would like to attract some day. If possible see if you can get 1 day off from the little one in the week, (ok even a few hours) just to do what you want. Write down what you need, pray and get on with what you can do. Babies dont stay babies forever. You can do this. The library used to be my sanctuary! There are so many interesting groups that run from my (then) local library. Must be why even now my eldest has a deep love of libraries! Chin up girl.. Tell us what you find. Take care, Eve xx
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I suggest you join a mothers group, or get your child into some sort of fun program, (singing and dancing, gymnastics, or just a toddlers group) this way you will meet new women/mom's.
Author LovieDove24 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Aww thank you so much you guys for your kind words and thoughtful advice. Well all of you except for BlackWhite, I take it you're a virgin then? What's done is done, why ridicule at this point? Anyways, I looked up Mommy and Me activities in my area and like Eve suggested there are group get-togethers for it at my local library! I plan on attending this upcoming Tuesday. I must say, I feel much better today. My Original post was written Friday night after two glasses of red wine . But I do believe weekends are the hardest for me. Even my other mommy friends have significant others they spend time with Friday and Saturday nights. So its usually all alone time when those used to be my "friend-filled" times. Apparantly a year and a half later I'm not completely adjusted to the sharp decline in a social life!
me003 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Why did sleep with a man who's not father material and who is not married to you? It's your own fault, you know. Bad chocies. This is such a rude comment. Guess what... even when people are married both men or women leave. There are no guarantees in this life that the person you marry or conceive a child with will stick around to raise the child. For the original poster, I suggest you find a group through MEETUP online. They should have a parenting club in your town. Churches or temples might also be a good place to find other mothers who might or might not be in your same situation. Libraries sometimes have children library events. Good luck and keep your chin up...
broken hearted Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I am 27 years old. I have been with my husband for 11 years since high school! We have been married for 5 years. We have a 2 year old son together and I am 8 months pregnant with our second child! My husband up and walked out on my son and I 6 months ago when I was about 8 weeks pregnant! This baby is due in just a few short weeks and I just found out a couple weeks ago that my husband was having an affair while we were separated. I didn't sleep with anyone who I thought was not husband or father material. I slept with the love of my life and still ended up abandoned and quite possibly a single mother to these children if my husband and I can't work things out. People come on these forums for help and advice, not for their character and decisions to be bashed! I'm sorry you are feeling lonely but I can tell you you are not alone! I am walking a very very lonely road right now and wishing to find the fork in the road that leads to reconciliation very soon.
blind_otter Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 I also second the mom's group, but don't worry if you don't "click" with the first group you find. There are a lot of them out there, and not all of them advertise online - most are word of mouth. I started going to a mom's group when my son was 2 months old. It was more for me than him, at that point. I just needed to get out of the house and vent and get advice from other moms who were "in the trenches" so to speak. And babies LOVE to be around other babies, especially if they are a touch older. Now, though, my son has his little group of friends. When we get to the playgroup he recognizes his buddies, and he even has a little girlfriend - her mother and I connected and we spend lots of time together outside of the once a week mom's group. They kiss and hug each other, and he recognizes his little girlfriend's house and gets all excited and happy when we go over there. Plus it's a great way to get stuff. I've inherited many barely used toys and clothes from the older babes in the group, and I've passed on barely used baby shoes, maternity clothes, even free cans of formula I get from the pediatrician since I breast feed.
Author LovieDove24 Posted July 25, 2009 Author Posted July 25, 2009 I am 27 years old. I have been with my husband for 11 years since high school! We have been married for 5 years. We have a 2 year old son together and I am 8 months pregnant with our second child! My husband up and walked out on my son and I 6 months ago when I was about 8 weeks pregnant! This baby is due in just a few short weeks and I just found out a couple weeks ago that my husband was having an affair while we were separated. I didn't sleep with anyone who I thought was not husband or father material. I slept with the love of my life and still ended up abandoned and quite possibly a single mother to these children if my husband and I can't work things out. People come on these forums for help and advice, not for their character and decisions to be bashed! I'm sorry you are feeling lonely but I can tell you you are not alone! I am walking a very very lonely road right now and wishing to find the fork in the road that leads to reconciliation very soon. Wow I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. That complete and utter abandonment you feel...I know it all too well. But you have it even harder since you have two kids to carry through the trenches. I truly think weekends are the worst for me. Friday and Saturday when I don't have work to keep me busy I start thinking about how there are 6 billion people in the world and not one of them wants to spend their time with me. Right now though I am having a better day, it is easy to start walking down the path of "victim mentality" but I try and avoid it as best as possible. Right now it is working
onthebrinkofitall Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 A lonely single mom? Who could imagine such a thing?! Just kidding. Parenting IS a lonely job.. which is hard to imagine, since you're never really alone.. but maybe that's part of the problem too. Do you work? Honestly, that would probably help tremendously. I'm a stay at home mom myself, with 3 very young children and I tell ya.. I WISH I was lonely sometimes. Haha! Try to find a babysitter, someone that you trust obviously to leave your child with once a week, for a few hours. Get some YOU time in.. even if you just go back home and take a bubble bath. Don't forget about yourself, just because you have a daughter. As far as the relationship thing, good luck finding a man to stick around. I know people say they're out there.. I just have yet to meet any of them. Maybe I better stop there.. and not let my bitterness affect your chances of finding happiness! lol. You're doing great.. just hang in there. I hear it gets easier!
Kenyth Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I simply can't belive how many men walk out on their young kids. It's unfathomable. My advice? Find a man with some child care instincts. One who really bonds with kids.
stillafool Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I am 24 and am a single mother to a beautiful 13 month old daugther. Right now I am loving being a parent but hating being alone doing it. I live with an older couple, who I have known since I was two and they are like my second family. It is a nice arrangement although they are not home very often for companionship and I get lonely. It is even worse on the weekends when they travel up north to their second home on a lake. I spend my Friday and Saturday nights alone 90% of the time. I am so lonely for a companion. Someone to just sit with me, hold me, feed the baby while I make dinner. Every errand, every doctors appointment, every family function...I travel to by myself. Her first words, her first foods, every dinner we eat together, I am by myself with her. It may not be as horrible if I weren't so painstakingly aware of it all the time. And also I do not have many friends either since they all seem to only want to party and drink. I cannot talk to anyone about this because who wants to sit and hear about how lonely someone is? I have been single since I was seven weeks pregnant and the father walked out on me. So it has been close to two years now. The pregnancy alone was such a battle, I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. Now I have gotten that down to about once every couple weeks. I know that the Lord has a plan for me but *It is still so painful to want something so badly and have that be the one thing that eludes me.* Any man who I have dated since does not stick around. Either because he does not impress me as someone I'd want my daughter to see me with, or he does, but he loses interest or something else goes wrong. I wouldn't say I am an insecure person, although I do have my moments. I really have a lot to offer someone if they'd just give me a chance or if I could just find that someone. I thought if anyone would understand what the depths of loneliness feels like, it would be another single parent in a situation like myself. You sound like a very sweet woman and you are young so don't worry. You are right that God has a plan for you. Do you and your daughter attend church? Some churches have all kinds of activities and you will be surprised at the number of nice single guys who attend.
C-i-C-u Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I simply can't belive how many men walk out on their young kids. It's unfathomable. My advice? Find a man with some child care instincts. One who really bonds with kids. It doesn't surprise me one bit. Many of the males out there, do such things. Let me guess, OP, it was an older male or a male who high in demand? Where in the midwest do you live? We are talking like about half a million square miles, ya know?
missdependant Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I know you say you do not have many friends, but do you have any close friends? A significant other can help you to not be lonely, but a good friend can be wonderful to have, especially when things feel lonely. I would be your friend. :-) All of my friends are at the drink/party age too.. I have moved past that part of my life. I'm pretty lonely and get pretty sad, even with a loving boyfriend. I have friends here, but I haven't REALLY felt a connection with any of them. My closest friend lives 1k miles away, and it's gotten to the point where we only talk every couple of months.. I don't even know if that's considered close friendship. (We used to talk every day) I know that when I had a close friend to talk to, I felt more sane than I'd ever felt in my life. Do you have one?
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