Road To Joy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Back to square one. It's funny how you forget how it feels to be in this spot. God dang it. I've got so many feelings mixed into one. I broke NC when my ex contacted me with my birthday as an excuse. She gave me hope that we could get back together and then the next day started crying and telling me that she did horrible things and that she doesn't want to hurt me. I told her that we could try to work things out and that she already knows that I have a heart of gold and can get past things with help (she cheated during our relationship). But she kept saying that she did something really bad and she's just trying to protect me from getting hurt (I think she had sex with someone else). She also said she thinks her punishment for everything she did is not being able to be with me and that she feels she's trading in her happiness for mine 'cause she believes I won't be happy with her. She told me all she wanted is for me to be happy and that she'll find peace in that someway. She's bipolar btw, and she told me she honestly doesn't know what she's going to do next and she doesn't want to risk my happiness. Ohh, I feel the loss. The only difference between this and the first time is that you don't go through any denial.
Giha Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Sounds to me like she is trying to make excuses or something...but I don't know her so I can't really judge. Going back to NC?
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She gave me hope that we could get back together and then the next day started crying and telling me that she did horrible things and that she doesn't want to hurt me. I told her that we could try to work things out and that she already knows that I have a heart of gold and can get past things with help (she cheated during our relationship). But she kept saying that she did something really bad and she's just trying to protect me from getting hurt (I think she had sex with someone else). She also said she thinks her punishment for everything she did is not being able to be with me and that she feels she's trading in her happiness for mine 'cause she believes I won't be happy with her. She told me all she wanted is for me to be happy and that she'll find peace in that someway. She's bipolar btw, and she told me she honestly doesn't know what she's going to do next and she doesn't want to risk my happiness. Sorry to be terribly blunt here, but jeezuz... what a freakin' drama queen. Keep up the NC. Next time she tries to contact you, delete her email/delete her tex/don't answer the phone. Stay strong, my friend, stay strong.
Meaplus3 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I want to die. Please don't think this way it's not worth it. I know your hurting right now, but you will sort it out and get through this. I think you should go back to no contact and stick to it. It will allow you to think with a clear mind and really take a look at what went wrong with the R. Keep your chin up. Mea:)
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 As Thaddeus says..a drama queen. Spot on. I'm sorry, but she doesn't want to make things right and is only saying these things to avoid confrontation and to make herself not look like the bad person in all this. It's her way for you to have her still smelling like a rose. Don't fall for it. My H does the exact same thing. Over and over. It does get tedious after a while.
kizik Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Your ex is crazy. Everyone can see it but you. If you could see it, you'd be in less pain. You'd realize that she's the crazy one - not you. P.S. I love how the mods changed your thread title from "F*****k" to "Pooooop"! A little creative license there, eh ol' Moddies?
Author Road To Joy Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, I did see how crazy she is while we were in NC but man... it's SO weird how going back to square one changes everything. Completely eliminates all the progress you made, and it's TERRIBLE. The suicidal thoughts are eating me alive... Did I even have it this intense the first time? Jesus Christ...
BCCA Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, I did see how crazy she is while we were in NC but man... it's SO weird how going back to square one changes everything. Completely eliminates all the progress you made, and it's TERRIBLE Look at it as though its motivation to stay NC for real next time. I dont think Ive EVER known one person to not even have one slip up. Youre normal, its hard to completely let go, but now, you really have to do just that. Like NoFoolin used to say, you cant handle anything she has to say anyway. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is going to make you feel like anything but complete s***, trust me. Time to take care of yourself. The suicidal thoughts are eating me alive... She's not even remotely close to worth it. That will accomplish nothing. She might feel bad for a while, but is that worth your life? The best revenge is success; heal, grow, move on, and do incredible things with your life. Think about it logically, one woman dumped you in a world of millions. Stay NC, keep yourself busy, focus on moving on, and one day you wont believe you even considered suicide. We've all felt like the lowest thing ever, but learning to overcome adversity is what makes us grow. Youll be fine; if I can make it, you can too
Giha Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 It makes me sad to see you broken like this. I really feel for you. You're a good man and you deserve way more than that crap you're getting. Please take a deep breath and turn your back on her for good...you can't handle this and its ok because no one can. Please keep posting and update on your status...
redmelon Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Thoughts are just thoughts, and you know from experience that this will lessen as the days pass. Right now, one foot in front of the other. You are capable of changing your thinking, only you have that power. Consider trying to see the situation from a different vantage point. Perhaps spend some time researching bipolar and realize that the future with a person afflicted with such a serious disorder is rarely stable or consistent. Don't feel bad or guilty about what has transpired, because I bet, in the end, it will help you. It will be one more thing to look back on to help you see that she is not mentally stable and cannot be in a good, emotionally healthy relationship. Ultimately, you are going to be okay. You've come through this in the past, remember that...learn something new this time - feel your self-worth and discover your strength.
Author Road To Joy Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 I want to thank everybody for your replies, I honestly didn't think I would get this many. Much less expected comforting ones, I thought I was just going to get bashed for breaking NC. Thank you. I'm really vulnerable right now but hopefully a little bit of closure and lots of crying like a little pansy () will let me get back up and on my journey.
Recommended Posts