BootsElectric Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I've been dating a woman now for five months. It's been getting consistently better the longer it's gone on, we've gotten very close, truly connected, and I absolutely know I am in love with this woman. Last saturday I picked her up from the airport after a week long trip. We spent the day and night together, things had never been better. Sunday I left her house on top of the world. She was starting school again monday, so we plan to meet up in a few days. Fast forward to wednesday, she comes over because I planned on taking her to dinner. I notice she recoils a bit from a second kiss when I see her, but think nothing of it. Dinner goes OK, then we head back to watch movies at my house. We watch two movies with her being very distant the entire time, I sit on my couch, she sits apart from me on a different chair. Zero physical contact is shared, and I start to feel uncomfortable. At 1:30 she tells me she's going to head home; weird, if we hang out late, we always spend the night at the other's place, even if were are just sleeping and not having sex. She leaves without a hug or kiss, something that has never happened between us. I go to sleep uneasy. Yesterday she texts me to see if I want to meet up for ice cream. I agree, and we meet. We sit with barely any words shared, until I ask what the deal is, and mention feeling a distinct weirdness in the air the previous night. She shrugs it off. A few minutes later she says she has to go. As she's leaving I ask if I imagined everything weird, and she doesn't understand. I reply "I feel like there's something weird here, where there never is normally." She shrugs, and I ask "If something is up, you'd let me know right?" She replies "I don't know, I'll have to think about it." At this point I'm a little fed up and as I'm getting on my bike she hugs me and tells me we'll talk later. Forgive the long winded-ness of this, but I really don't understand. I don't know how everything could be so great, and then suddenly get so weird for no reason. I don't know if it's stress from school or what not, but I also feel like at this point, she should be confiding in me, not leaving me feeling like an idiot and questioning our entire relationship. Thoughts, opinions?
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ...I ask "If something is up, you'd let me know right?" She replies "I don't know, I'll have to think about it." Very, very common. It's like when you ask a partner, "Are you OK?" and they respond, "I'm fine." Well, you KNOW everything isn't "fine" but, frankly, trying to tease the truth out of him/her is just too much farking trouble. Obviously something is up but either she thinks you can read her mind or is punishing you for something that you did/said (which, most likely, you really have no idea what it might be but she won't tell you. "You should just KNOW these things!" is a common refrain). Pull back. Pull WAAAAYYY back. Don't make the mistake I did with one of my exes and encourage her to spill the beans. I think I might say something like, "Look, I know there's something bothering you and I know you aren't ready to tell me what it is. When you're ready, just let me know and we can talk." Ball's in her court. Then, NC on your part until she contacts you. She may or may not, there's no way to know, but you've done your part and that's all you can do. Good luck!
me003 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Maybe she is PMSing, sometimes it can be emotional and not physical changes. She could also be going trough something and is shutting down, I tend to withdraw when things are too much to handle. Give her space and when she feels comfortable she will talk. However, if this is the way she deals with things then you guys need to have better communication in the future so that it can work between you guys.
karlag Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Follow your instict. If it doesnt feel right that means its not. She may have had some life changing experience on this trip.
lora22 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 So obnoxious, I hate when people do things like that. All too often it comes across as an attention seeking thing - she's doing her verrrrry best to make it completely obvious that there is indeed some issue (whether or not it has something to do with you, who knows), but she waits for you to ask about it, and gives you some cryptic comment rather than share. I agree with Thad. Don't try to pry the info out of her; just let her know you know something's up, and if she feels like sharing, you'll listen.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Yeah start to be more unavailable until she decieds to start opening up. Theres no use hanging out with her if she is going to be distant and not talk and feel awkward. Last time my ex did that, she was gearing up for a break up. Keep your distance, if she calls to hang out, say "I cant today, maybe tomorrow". Dont call or text her, let her initiate the texts. Let her miss you.
Author BootsElectric Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 She called me a little bit ago to see if I wanted to go on our favorite morning walk tomorrow. I said yes because I hope to hear an explanation. But perhaps I should have told her I couldn't in order to make her wait. Hmmm.
New Again Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 She called me a little bit ago to see if I wanted to go on our favorite morning walk tomorrow. I said yes because I hope to hear an explanation. But perhaps I should have told her I couldn't in order to make her wait. Hmmm. Don't play games with her. That will get you no where and only exacerbate the situation. Be the bigger person here. I think you should: 1. Do as one poster suggested and let her know that you know something is up, and you'll listen if/when she's ready to talk. Let her know (nicely) that you won't let her treat you that way - she can't be treating you badly or taking anything out on you - either it has nothing to do with you so you don't deserve it, or it does have something to do with you, in which case she should talk to you about it. 2. Then LEAVE IT AT THAT. IGNORE her behavior. 3. If she continues, stop seeing her.
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