colosseum Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Remember the Hollywood post, about Will Smith? Or, my personal favorite, "I'm really into my career right now." Can you believe that? Neither can she. You know why? Because she's lying to you...It's not a bad time for her...she may be really into her career, but what she's really saying is, "Get away from me now." Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." -Opening scene from Hitch (2005)Well, guess what happened; exactly the above. But it's weird. We have a great connection..had a great connection. I gave her her first kiss ever. She's never had a bf. It's summer break so things were left dangling a bit I admit, but we agreed to stay in touch and she was okay with that. I show up to surprise her last night and though she was surprised she didn't seem enthused. I ask her why and she said she didn't want to renew something that seemed to had ended; I didn't even know things had ended. She said she just needed to focus on her life and her work, which is how she has been raised her whole life and which is why she'd never been in a relationship before. She's really smart and really active which is why I find her so charming, but her parents have always been very discouraging of her having relationships, and I wonder if that got to her. Not that I want to be with someone who is so inexperienced and uncertain, but I guess I still feel kind of stupid about it. So... The following is probably as useless as poking holes in a sinking ship, but: Does she still have feelings for me but is just giving me the stiff arm because of the pressure of a relationship, or is this just your usual, common, outright rejection? Or in other words: She may be really into her career, but what she's really saying is, "Get away from me now." Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." Which is it? Doesn't even matter though right? Not that I'll want to pursue it again, because I probably won't. That's how I know it will be in a few weeks: hindsight is 20/20. But I still feel kinda crummy right now.
paddington bear Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I hate to say this, but, ouch, it means she doesn't want a relationship with you. Also if her parents have put so much pressure on her not to get involved with someone, that's bound to have an effect - rather than if they let her live her own life, make mistakes with the wrong people and learn from it, as well all do. Sounds like, due to them, she's holding out for mr. Perfect who her parents would approve of, and was letting you down gently. You can at least feel happy in the knowledge that she might be waiting a long time for this perfect man that both suits her parents wishes for her and her own desires.
Author colosseum Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I hate to say this, but, ouch, it means she doesn't want a relationship with you. Yeah, I guess I'm still in denial that I just got flat-out rejected, lol. Just seems really surprising, I guess since we'd been in touch over the summer and all that too... Sounds like, due to them, she's holding out for mr. Perfect who her parents would approve of, and was letting you down gently. You can at least feel happy in the knowledge that she might be waiting a long time for this perfect man that both suits her parents wishes for her and her own desires. Didn't think about that, but I think you're right. I think she'd be the type to wait for Mr. Perfect too. You can at least feel happy in the knowledge that she might be waiting a long time for this perfect man that both suits her parents wishes for her and her own desires. Haha, I hope I don't ever reach resentment at all, much less to the extent that I derive happiness from her...lack of getting any, lol.
paddington bear Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Haha, I hope I don't ever reach resentment at all, much less to the extent that I derive happiness from her...lack of getting any, lol. It's called Shadenfreude - meaning getting pleasure from someone else's misfortune. I'm actually indulging in it right now due to severe bitterness!!! Anyhoo. You did your best with this girl, showed her you liked her and unfortunately she didn't respond the way you wanted, which is not very nice for you, but at least you know and can move on to find someone who would be absolutely thrilled to get a surprise visit from you.
Author colosseum Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, which makes me wonder; is anyone impervious to rejections? I mean, sure i'll probably get more used to it with more tries, but it's okay to still feel crummy about it, right? I mean, not severely depressed about it, but you know what i mean
kizik Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 The more you ask girls out and get denied, the less painful it becomes. I asked a girl out yesterday. She goes, "I don't know about that..." Who cares? Not me. Millions more to ask out.
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, which makes me wonder; is anyone impervious to rejections? I mean, sure i'll probably get more used to it with more tries, but it's okay to still feel crummy about it, right? I mean, not severely depressed about it, but you know what i meanNobody enjoys it but it comes with the territory. The key is to distance one's self from the emotion of the rejection and put it in proper context. The young Thadd had a tendency to take rejection terribly personally, and getting rejected really hurt the fundamental core of who I was as a man. But the older, wiser Thadd has come to realize, through experience and some excellent teachers, that the rejection isn't a judgement on who I am as a man, it was either my approach (which can be modified as circumstances require) or other things entirely outside of my control (she's already got a boyfriend/husband, f'rinstance). Is rejection disappointing? Sure. But if I haven't invested anything other than a few minutes of conversation and maybe a drink or a meal, there really isn't anything lost. I haven't counted, but I'd bet the number of rejections I get has dropped dramatically since I integrated this understanding into who I am. That's allowed my confidence to flourish, because if girl A rejects me, it doesn't hurt my core being. Besides, there's always girl B. And the world is awash in attractive, available women that are on the lookout for a successful man who's been through the wringer and has emerged stronger for the experience. And I'm that man!
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, which makes me wonder; is anyone impervious to rejections? I mean, sure i'll probably get more used to it with more tries, but it's okay to still feel crummy about it, right? I mean, not severely depressed about it, but you know what i mean When you talk to women youre not supposed to expect anything. You arent supposed to build your hopes up so that you can feel crummy after wards. You talk to them for a while, and then if you feel its going well, you ask for a number. At that point, you still dont expect anything until she answers your call. You think of it like this....if she isnt interested, theres another one around the corner that might be. But you have to work the numbers. Depending on how you approach, only 1 out of 15 will actually be interested in you. So you cant get attached to the other 14. Everything is just feeling them out. Thats how you dont worry about whether or not you get the number. Your attitude will be "aight, whatever". next.
Author colosseum Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 When you talk to women youre not supposed to expect anything. You arent supposed to build your hopes up so that you can feel crummy after wards. You talk to them for a while, and then if you feel its going well, you ask for a number. At that point, you still dont expect anything until she answers your call. You think of it like this....if she isnt interested, theres another one around the corner that might be. But you have to work the numbers. Depending on how you approach, only 1 out of 15 will actually be interested in you. So you cant get attached to the other 14. Everything is just feeling them out. Thats how you dont worry about whether or not you get the number. Your attitude will be "aight, whatever". next. See I understand this aspect and I have adopted that mentality for my own sake when just approaching women. But this is a girl who I've spent time with, and have actually gone on several dates with--it was well past the approach & meet stage. It'd be easier if it were just an approach, but i guess that's the risk of falling in love. or at least, liking soemone.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 See I understand this aspect and I have adopted that mentality for my own sake when just approaching women. But this is a girl who I've spent time with, and have actually gone on several dates with--it was well past the approach & meet stage. It'd be easier if it were just an approach, but i guess that's the risk of falling in love. or at least, liking soemone. Well after all the reading Ive done in the past, theres several ways that a woman can lose attraction to you within those dates. So you have to either access how you might have turned her off, and move on to someone new.
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