Sevenscars Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She sent me an email a month ago asking for a phone call, but I ignored it. Now that I realize she had been cheating on me, while telling me she wanted to marry me, I want to email her and tell her that I have put the pieces together, that I know, and that I am not letting her off the hook for this one. I do not want her to have the satisfaction of cheating and thinking she has had it 100% concealed. I want her to know that I know! What advice can you guys give? I am still struggling between whether it is worth emailing her to tell her I know, or just forgetting about it and staying NC. I never want to talk to her again, but I want her to know that I know! For some reason, it would satisfy me to have her know that I am not a complete fool. Is it worth it?
Exit Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 If I were you, I would take the opportunity to practice self control and NOT say anything to her. Just be glad that you know the truth in the first place. There is no need to communicate with her about it. Staying quiet can be a powerful thing. Sometimes no action is the best action. By contacting her about it, although you think you'd be taking satisfaction AWAY from her by revealing her secret, you're still satisfying her by showing that you cared enough to email her about it and that you're probably sitting around all day thinking about it. If you look at it from that perspective, you're only adding to her satisfaction! You did the right thing by ignoring her so far, I would let her keep wondering what's going on. Or, to meet this situation somewhere in the middle, you could write back and be vague and just say you know more about the situation than she thinks, and then see if she has the guts to bring it up.
Author Sevenscars Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Or, to meet this situation somewhere in the middle, you could write back and be vague and just say you know more about the situation than she thinks, and then see if she has the guts to bring it up. Well after one month of ignoring her I doubt I would get a response. But in her email, she told me she has accepted the situation...and your line would hit the spot. Would it be worth it? Who knows...she'd probably bitch out anyway. Maybe it is best to stay NC, although I VERY MUCH want her to know she has eternally become a black piece of filth upon my heart. Wouldn't it be silly to email her a month after she emailed me? I am still confused about my feelings and this situation, and need more time to think about whether I really do want to contact her. Exit, your advice is great and much appreciated. Any more from anyone would be wonderful.
Author Sevenscars Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 I am having a very hard time deciding what to do. On one hand, I do not want anything to do with her. On the other hand, I can not let her get away with cheating. It is bugging me severely, and starting to encroach upon other aspects of my life. To get rid of this voice of anger in the back of my head, I need to make a decision. I want her to feel guilty. I want her to feel anything, really, to show that she did care and I was not just a piece of turd in her garden of life. If anyone has words of wisdom to set my soul at rest, please do share.
adamt Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 All i would say is try to move on and forget about her. Start a new chapter in your life. Don't give her the satisfaction of taking up anymore of your time. Put your energy into things you like doing. Take up hobbies, fitness,sports,contact old friends. basically anything that will occupy your time. I know it is easier said than done, but we all have to go through it at somepoint and it is the only way to get on with your life. She has been cheating on you, no one who does that should be worth your time and effort. You deserve better.
gd26 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 I am having a very hard time deciding what to do. On one hand, I do not want anything to do with her. On the other hand, I can not let her get away with cheating. It is bugging me severely, and starting to encroach upon other aspects of my life. To get rid of this voice of anger in the back of my head, I need to make a decision. I want her to feel guilty. I want her to feel anything, really, to show that she did care and I was not just a piece of turd in her garden of life. If anyone has words of wisdom to set my soul at rest, please do share. I don't see how you telling her would make her feel more guilty. Since she is the one who cheated, obviously she knows she cheated. If she doesn't feel guilty enough on her own, I don't see how you rubbing things in would help. Obviously she's not meant to be with you if she doesn't care. You say you 'cannot let her get away' with cheating. Even if you theoretically confront her, she still gets away with it, as there really isn't much you can do about that. Your anger is only destroying you. Take some deep breaths, and let it out of your system. It's not doing you any good. You've already done yourself quite a bit of good by not talking to her for a month. Don't set yourself back writing her now. Keep moving forwards on the path you are now.
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