mickleb Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 What's a passive cp? I've been reading a lot on what to do about the situation but most of the books are specifically for males that have been dumped by females because of their over protectiveness. also could you please clarify the dance around reality circle thing, what are you referring to specifically? Passive CP = Passive Commitment Phobe. Read 'He's Scared, She's Scared' by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol. It addresses both genders and both the 'active' CPs and the 'passives'. It's quite possible to switch from one mode to the next. The dance around reality is what Commitment Phobia is all about. You choose a partner who seems great but then pick some reason why it just can't work. You pick a partner who is unavailable, emotionally, to you, for some reason. You get close, you run. You get close, you keep getting pushed away. Active CPs can't commit. Passive CPs commit to the wrong person. Either way, you get to not be in a healthy, commited relationship. Both Actives and Passives are 'commited' to a fantasy, of some kind, and nothing more. What can start out as being a healthy-ish 'I'm too young' reaction to the idea of commitment can quickly become a bad habit. The point is that you need to figure out a) IF you want a commited relationship and then, if you do b) what kind of partner you really need to look for - be aware of what makes someone 'available' for commitment OR, if you don't want a commitment, c) WHY you don't. It doesn't matter whether you do or you don't - that choice is yours - you just need to stop kidding yourself and others if you behave in a way that contradicts what you really want. The book will explain. You can take a sneak peek here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/0440506255/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link See if you think it applies. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author hockysa Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Passive CP = Passive Commitment Phobe. Read 'He's Scared, She's Scared' by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol. It addresses both genders and both the 'active' CPs and the 'passives'. It's quite possible to switch from one mode to the next. The dance around reality is what Commitment Phobia is all about. You choose a partner who seems great but then pick some reason why it just can't work. You pick a partner who is unavailable, emotionally, to you, for some reason. You get close, you run. You get close, you keep getting pushed away. Active CPs can't commit. Passive CPs commit to the wrong person. Either way, you get to not be in a healthy, commited relationship. Both Actives and Passives are 'commited' to a fantasy, of some kind, and nothing more. What can start out as being a healthy-ish 'I'm too young' reaction to the idea of commitment can quickly become a bad habit. The point is that you need to figure out a) IF you want a commited relationship and then, if you do b) what kind of partner you really need to look for - be aware of what makes someone 'available' for commitment OR, if you don't want a commitment, c) WHY you don't. It doesn't matter whether you do or you don't - that choice is yours - you just need to stop kidding yourself and others if you behave in a way that contradicts what you really want. The book will explain. You can take a sneak peek here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/0440506255/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link See if you think it applies. x I only read the preview, but it seems awesome. Wish this was recommended to me when I first posted this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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