tkgirl Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I'm happy that we are friends again... I really am! but I feel so much more, and I'm tired of hiding it! so I'm posting it here... instead of telling "him" ok, so... thanks for letting me share....
Phateless Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I'm happy that we are friends again... I really am! but I feel so much more, and I'm tired of hiding it! so I'm posting it here... instead of telling "him" ok, so... thanks for letting me share.... If you want to be more, go out on a limb and make it happen. Life is about risks. Take one. Or would you rather spend the next two years wishing he was yours while you watch him date someone else? If you don't make a move you have only yourself to blame.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 You know you cant be friends when you want more than that, you know this....dont torture yourself with the "friends" nonsense. Be done with him, and find a guy that really wants you.
Author tkgirl Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 thanks for the replies! but if you guys only knew... there's waaay more to this story! You can dig through some of my old posts if your really interested.. but he is someone I have been more than "just friends" with in the past.. and for reasons that are obvious but too painful for me to say out loud... it didn't work. Ok, damn it.. he's "just not that into me"!!! but yet... he keeps coming back into my life, and I keep torturing myself and allowing him to. If you want to be more, go out on a limb and make it happen. Life is about risks. Take one. Or would you rather spend the next two years wishing he was yours while you watch him date someone else? If you don't make a move you have only yourself to blame. funny you should say two years... that's about how long I've already been tortured by this guy... I don't mean that as bad as it sounds of course! You know you cant be friends when you want more than that, you know this....dont torture yourself with the "friends" nonsense. Be done with him, and find a guy that really wants you. yep... that's the plan... just not as easy as it sounds! Being the nice guy that he is though, he is unknowingly doing me a favor by not contacting me since monday... after hanging out all last weekend with him and having fun as "friends" Yea, what a sweetie! anyho... thanks again for your input, guys... you both rock!
EmperorR Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Why be friends? why hold out the inevitable, what about when he starts dating, and his new gf doesnt like him hanging out with his ex. I tried being friends it just doesn't work if you want more,
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 thanks for the replies! but if you guys only knew... there's waaay more to this story! You can dig through some of my old posts if your really interested.. but he is someone I have been more than "just friends" with in the past.. and for reasons that are obvious but too painful for me to say out loud... it didn't work. Ok, damn it.. he's "just not that into me"!!! but yet... he keeps coming back into my life, and I keep torturing myself and allowing him to. funny you should say two years... that's about how long I've already been tortured by this guy... I don't mean that as bad as it sounds of course! yep... that's the plan... just not as easy as it sounds! Being the nice guy that he is though, he is unknowingly doing me a favor by not contacting me since monday... after hanging out all last weekend with him and having fun as "friends" Yea, what a sweetie! anyho... thanks again for your input, guys... you both rock! Believe me Ive been in your spot before, and its hard to get away. get a distraction to help you like I did.
Kamille Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ah tkgirl! You are attempting to conquer the near impossible feat of trying to be friends with someone you have feelings for who constantly fails to return your affection quite like you would want him to. You know what we are going to say: stop punishing yourself. But I understand. I am trying to be friends with that guy I was seeing. And it's hard, and yet I would rather tough it out and have him as a friend then not have him in my life. I figure that as long as I focus on finding my own balance in my life (and limit the amounts of time we spend together), then everything is fine. Sanity first is my motto. So if ever this the friendship becomes too much for you, step back and take the time you need to find your balance.
Kamille Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Believe me Ive been in your spot before, and its hard to get away. get a distraction to help you like I did. A distraction? Like posting on loveshack you mean?
Author tkgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 ah tkgirl! You are attempting to conquer the near impossible feat of trying to be friends with someone you have feelings for who constantly fails to return your affection quite like you would want him to. You know what we are going to say: stop punishing yourself. But I understand. I am trying to be friends with that guy I was seeing. And it's hard, and yet I would rather tough it out and have him as a friend then not have him in my life. ]I figure that as long as I focus on finding my own balance in my life (and limit the amounts of time we spend together), then everything is fine. Sanity first is my motto. So if ever this the friendship becomes too much for you, step back and take the time you need to find your balance. yep, that's what I thought too.. and even told him... that I would rather have him in my life as my friend than not at all. And I meant it... but that's when I thought I was "over him".. oh, and I told him that too. I mean, I think that he thinks that I am perfectly happy just being friends... because I told him that too! On monday (when I last heard from him) he sent me an email and then I replied and I told him how much fun I had hanging out with him, how he makes me laugh and... how I'm really glad we are friends again! And I wasn't really lying... except to maybe myself. I know now that I still really like him, have probably never stopped and deep down I am hoping that maybe we can become more than friends again.. so there it is everyone... finally I am admitting the truth!! to myself and to anyone here that cares!
gd26 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 These situations don't typically seem to lead to happy endings, even though most of us wish it were the case. At some point, he will have another woman, and you may get hurt.
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 A distraction? Like posting on loveshack you mean? Nope, other new women, and strippers. yep, that's what I thought too.. and even told him... that I would rather have him in my life as my friend than not at all. And I meant it... but that's when I thought I was "over him".. oh, and I told him that too. I mean, I think that he thinks that I am perfectly happy just being friends... because I told him that too! On monday (when I last heard from him) he sent me an email and then I replied and I told him how much fun I had hanging out with him, how he makes me laugh and... how I'm really glad we are friends again! And I wasn't really lying... except to maybe myself. I know now that I still really like him, have probably never stopped and deep down I am hoping that maybe we can become more than friends again.. so there it is everyone... finally I am admitting the truth!! to myself and to anyone here that cares! You shouldnt do this, because you will never be able to move on. You need to cut him off completely so you can heal, and find someone new. If you keep hanging with him, its possible that no one else will measure up with your image of your ex. It will be torture to yourself, and no one new will have a chance. This is a path to perpetual lonliness that you are walking. You shouldnt deliberatly fool yourself like this.
Author tkgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Nope, other new women, and strippers. You shouldnt do this, because you will never be able to move on. You need to cut him off completely so you can heal, and find someone new. If you keep hanging with him, its possible that no one else will measure up with your image of your ex. It will be torture to yourself, and no one new will have a chance. This is a path to perpetual lonliness that you are walking. You shouldnt deliberatly fool yourself like this. the thing is, I'm no longer fooling myself! I was fooling myself, when I thought I could be "just friends" with him. What I'm saying is I realize now I don't want that... I want more! I can't settle for less... as much as I am glad we are friends again, I want him to be mine... and only mine! ok, maybe that's a little extreme but... anyways, I'm not sure how I'm going to go about this... I can't pretend I'm cool with just being his friend, I can't and I won't... so I hang out for a bit and see what he wants? if it's to date other girls then I will walk away... but what if he decides he wants me again too? I'm not going anywhere 'til I know for sure... get it? I'm rambling.. I'm tired after working 10 hours and probably not making much sense...
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 the thing is, I'm no longer fooling myself! I was fooling myself, when I thought I could be "just friends" with him. What I'm saying is I realize now I don't want that... I want more! I can't settle for less... as much as I am glad we are friends again, I want him to be mine... and only mine! ok, maybe that's a little extreme but... anyways, I'm not sure how I'm going to go about this... I can't pretend I'm cool with just being his friend, I can't and I won't... so I hang out for a bit and see what he wants? if it's to date other girls then I will walk away... but what if he decides he wants me again too? I'm not going anywhere 'til I know for sure... get it? I'm rambling.. I'm tired after working 10 hours and probably not making much sense... I dont think he will see if youre still hanging around. You have to be out of the picture for him to think of you, and you have to be unavailable so he will wonder and want you. You will have to wait for him to realize it, if he ever does.
northstar1 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 the thing is, I'm no longer fooling myself! I was fooling myself, when I thought I could be "just friends" with him. What I'm saying is I realize now I don't want that... I want more! I can't settle for less... as much as I am glad we are friends again, I want him to be mine... and only mine! ok, maybe that's a little extreme but... anyways, I'm not sure how I'm going to go about this... I can't pretend I'm cool with just being his friend, I can't and I won't... so I hang out for a bit and see what he wants? if it's to date other girls then I will walk away... but what if he decides he wants me again too? I'm not going anywhere 'til I know for sure... get it? I'm rambling.. I'm tired after working 10 hours and probably not making much sense... Oh Tk, this amounts to self flagellation! Don't put yourself though this. A friend of mine went through this for 3 years with a girl he had a 'history' with. He remained the dutiful friend, did all the things that a 'boyfriend' would do with her, yet was still in the friend zone. He had to painfully watch her date someone else, yet confide to him all the ups and downs about it (which gave and took away hope during that time). He basically put his own dating life on hold for those 3 years.
Author tkgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 I dont think he will see if youre still hanging around. You have to be out of the picture for him to think of you, and you have to be unavailable so he will wonder and want you. You will have to wait for him to realize it, if he ever does. thanks! that's a good plan and what I have been thinking about too... The purpose of my original post was that I realize that I want to be more than friends with him... I do NOT want to be put in the "friendzone" while he dates other girls... I want him! So I guess I just hang back and hope he comes to the same realization too.. if he doesn't, then I'm walking. I don't have to hate him again... like I did before... I just won't stick around and be hurt while he's with someone else and go "oh yeah, we are friends, la de da!" F that!!!! anyways... thanks again boogieboy...that's the kind of advice I needed!
gd26 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 So I guess I just hang back and hope he comes to the same realization too.. if he doesn't, then I'm walking. I'm not sure what you are waiting for. He already has shown he hasn't come to the same realization; otherwise, you wouldn't be broken up! Don't wait around; get walking now.
Author tkgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 I'm not sure what you are waiting for. He already has shown he hasn't come to the same realization; otherwise, you wouldn't be broken up! Don't wait around; get walking now. I am choosing to wait for now... but definitely not forever! Seriously.. everyone here is awesome and I appreciate the advice. I know I don't want to settle for friendship only with this guy... I can't! the thing is... I really did not know how I felt until this past week! I've realized my true feelings after I spent most of last weekend with him. Here's what happened: We went out saturday, it kind of felt like a date... he drove, paid etc... and when we were back at his place afterwards, he would do little things like massage my neck, play with my hair, but didn't "make a move"... I think he may have wanted to but... you know, the "friend thing"! He told me how much he respected me etc... but we did kiss goodnight. Then the next day he called again and we ended up spending the afternoon together. I wanted to shop for mtn bikes and he hung out while I test rode a few etc... even held my purse for me! lol! I ended up buying one... the next day he sent me an email, asked how I liked my new bike... I replied and told him how much fun I had hanging out with him and then added "I'm really glad we are friends again"!!! so maybe he thinks that I "friendzoned" him?! And now I realize I like more than a friend! why would I want to throw in the towel so soon and be like, "oh it will never work! we are just friends" geesh, I can't give up that soon, right? no... and I'm not going to! so there! but you know I love you guys!
boogieboy Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I am choosing to wait for now... but definitely not forever! Seriously.. everyone here is awesome and I appreciate the advice. I know I don't want to settle for friendship only with this guy... I can't! the thing is... I really did not know how I felt until this past week! I've realized my true feelings after I spent most of last weekend with him. Here's what happened: We went out saturday, it kind of felt like a date... he drove, paid etc... and when we were back at his place afterwards, he would do little things like massage my neck, play with my hair, but didn't "make a move"... I think he may have wanted to but... you know, the "friend thing"! He told me how much he respected me etc... but we did kiss goodnight. Then the next day he called again and we ended up spending the afternoon together. I wanted to shop for mtn bikes and he hung out while I test rode a few etc... even held my purse for me! lol! I ended up buying one... the next day he sent me an email, asked how I liked my new bike... I replied and told him how much fun I had hanging out with him and then added "I'm really glad we are friends again"!!! so maybe he thinks that I "friendzoned" him?! And now I realize I like more than a friend! why would I want to throw in the towel so soon and be like, "oh it will never work! we are just friends" geesh, I can't give up that soon, right? no... and I'm not going to! so there! but you know I love you guys! if you want him back you have to stop mentioning the word "friends".
Author tkgirl Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 if you want him back you have to stop mentioning the word "friends". thanks.. that's so true! ugh.. went out out tonight and got my flirt on.. and it was good! But now that I'm back home, I'm wondering what he did tonight.. and why the F aren't we together?!!! I hate this.. I don't know what he is thinking.. not about me I guess! dang it... I'm emotional tonight.... too many shots...
gd26 Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Stop meeting him, contacting him, etc. How the heck is he supposed to miss you and realize he wants to be committed to you - if you are always with him!? Let him go. If he wants to commit to you, then he will come back and let you know this. If he doesn't come back and starts a relationship with someone new, then obviously he didn't care enough to be with you in the first place. Have enough dignity for yourself not to settle for this ambiguous friendship-relationship. He has all the power here as he is calling the shots, and you are just eating out of his hand like a little lapdog willing to take whatever little he'll give you. Doesn't that just sound sad to you? If you think you are worth more than this, then drop him.
futago Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 After a breakup, the dumpee continues to be friends with the dumper. The dumper heals and moves on, the dumpee will continue to feel hurt over and over again if the dumpee cannot accept the status of just friends. If more than friends is what you are looking for, then it is either you have all of him/her, or you get nothing at all. I am having this dilemma also.
Author tkgirl Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Stop meeting him, contacting him, etc. How the heck is he supposed to miss you and realize he wants to be committed to you - if you are always with him!? Let him go. If he wants to commit to you, then he will come back and let you know this. If he doesn't come back and starts a relationship with someone new, then obviously he didn't care enough to be with you in the first place. Have enough dignity for yourself not to settle for this ambiguous friendship-relationship. He has all the power here as he is calling the shots, and you are just eating out of his hand like a little lapdog willing to take whatever little he'll give you. Doesn't that just sound sad to you? If you think you are worth more than this, then drop him. yes, that does sound sad.. but is not what isn't going on with my situation... this is an ex from a whole frickin year ago! Someone who I have had feelings for in the past... and thought I was over. I realized after spending time with him last weekend (for the first time in a year!) that those feelings are still there. I am not going to "eat out of his hand like a little lap dog", I am not contacting him and when and if he decides to contact me again, I'm not going to drop everything just to see him. I will continue to "play it cool" and live my life. yes, I want to be with him... and am willing to wait it out for now.... but if he doesn't come to the same conclusion, then that will be sad! After a breakup, the dumpee continues to be friends with the dumper. The dumper heals and moves on, the dumpee will continue to feel hurt over and over again if the dumpee cannot accept the status of just friends. If more than friends is what you are looking for, then it is either you have all of him/her, or you get nothing at all. I am having this dilemma also. yep, this guy did dump me.... a year ago! and then would pop back into my life here and there.. telling me he missed me and all that. I finally told him he had to leave me alone.... and he did. Now we are trying the "friends" thing... and I am realizing it's not what I want. Don't get me wrong, I am really glad we are friends compared to a couple months ago when I hated him and didn't want to talk to him... this feels much better, but I want more. And I am willing to wait (for a while) to see what happens next with him. He really is a great guy... I can't walk away from him, not yet....
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