kaylee47 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I posted my story on here a few days ago, but things have changed since then. Last night, me and my ex (his name is justin) were talking. He said basically how happy he is without me, which really hurt, and how he only wants to be friends. I explained to him I wanted more than that eventually and he said that probally would never happen. Now, this might seem really clear but Justin has always been one to play games. He will say one thing and actually mean another thing. So now I dont know what to do. Should I be friends with him with maybe the possiblity of us getting back together and chance getting hurt or move on completely even though its really going to hurt?
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Being friends with an ex is extremely difficult because there's always one party in the relationship that has unrequited feelings and yearnings. (Trust me on this, been there, done that.) There may come a time in the future when you might be able to re-establish contact and become friends again, but much water will have to pass under the bridge before you're ready for that. No matter what you do, it's going to hurt. IMO it's better that the hurt be the pain of loss than the never-ending agony of staying in contact, even as friends, with your ex.
joseffrost Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 It really depends on the type of people you are. I went through a terrible break up in 2004, which was compounded by a disasterous "let's make things up" trip to a mutual friend's wedding a year later. I won't go into detail, but it went HORRIBLY wrong... Yet now, fast forward and who was the first person to talk to me about my current break up? Yep, the very ex from those years ago. The key is that by now, it is purely platonic - we've both moved on and have (or had, in my case) different long-term partners and the attraction is purely as friends who shared something a while ago, still understand each other fundamentally, but are not attracted to each other any more. Perhaps uniquely, I consider myself friends with all of my exes, and I must admit that I really have treated some of them like sh*te. The only one I am not friends with is the most recent, but I know that in time, when the love has gone and we have both moved on, she will be part of my life. It takes time, and unfortunately, a complete dissolution of each person's attraction to the other, but it will happen. If you let it.
Author kaylee47 Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Well..we talked again this morning and he said he said hes walking away and that he doesnt want us to talk anymore. He blocked me on facebook, etc. I feel so messed with considering he just talked last night about us hanging out, etc. I'm so confused about what he wants and what I sould do now.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 You should move on. He just told you to. he clearly cant take the pressure of you wanting to be with him still, and he doesnt want to hear from you. So get yourself a guy that wants to be with you. Its going to hurt bad, but the sooner you deal with it, the better. And make sure you dont call him, and make sure you dont answer the phone when he calls in a month or so. Hes done with you, so anything he says will only be to mess with your head, or because he wants you as a booty call.
Author kaylee47 Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 so..do you think hes being really serious this time? sometimes i just feel like he tells me that just to i want to be w/ him more. its hard to move on after how long we were together, etc. I'm just upset because last night everything seemed fine mostly. Hes done this before too. Then the next day, he wont even talk to me.
BCCA Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 so..do you think hes being really serious this time? He was pretty clear, seems serious. I would take his word for it. sometimes i just feel like he tells me that just to i want to be w/ him more. I think youre trying to keep hope alive that he might not mean what he said, but you shouldnt. Chances are, he means it and its not going to change. Any games he plays with you are childish and for his own amusement. its hard to move on after how long we were together, etc Its always hard to move on, but sometimes the hardest things in life to do are the right things to do. You need to walk away from this. The thing is, RIGHT NOW, friends = nothing at all. Neither of you are really going to be friends. Youre only doing it with hopes youll get back together (despite him telling you it wont happen), and he'll only go along with it so long as you never ask him about getting back together and things are 100% on his terms. Its basically a lose/lose, or lose/win (for him)...thats not something you want to be involved in. Being friends with ex's is possible, but like someone said, you need to let a LOT of time go by, and a lot of water needs to go under the bridge. Its not something that happens the next day/month, or even year. And usually, these people resurface for other reasons, and your paths cross again. But being friend with him anytime soon is not healthy for you. You CANT be his friend when you still want to be in a relationship with him. Its going to be pure torture for you. Stay completely and totally out of contact with him - no calls/texts/emails/FB messages/letters/smoke signals/etc - for at LEAST 6 months, and then see where your head is at. You might feel ok enough for a friendship, or you might not give a crap about him anymore. But you need to heal and move on with your life first, or it just wont work.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 He is telling you straight up that "i am happy without you " How much clearer does he have to make it before you believe him? What words would you rather hear?
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