harmfulsweetz Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Course it's all black and white, and no one should ever have flaws, and weaknesses, heaven forbid we call it what it is. May as well call a spade a spade, and be done with it. Have you never made a conscious choice which you later turned out to regret because someone else got hurt, or you got hurt, or something went wrong? Wouldn't you call that a mistake? Heck, there are so many goddamn things that are wrong, that we all know are wrong, but we do it anyway. I'm going to be quite honest here and say everyone is weak, everyone has temptations, everyone has flaws, no one can be a saint 100% of the time. I'm not about to condone cheating, but I'm also not down with everyone being so damn judgemental. He came here for advice, for help, for support, and it's been made into this because people get so caught up in their own experiences it clouds their words.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I never said they may not be nice people. The thing is, that everybody on earth that has a clue what a relationship is, knows that cheating is wrong. The only time when it's not wrong is if both partners have agreed beforehand it's okay to see other people. You are arguing that the cheater think it's corect to cheat, which is wrong. Cheaters know it's wrong to cheat, hence why they won't admit what they are going to do to their partners. The fact that they do cheat proves that they don't care about their partners feelings over their lust/desires, which is selfish. I don't have it in me to cheat, ever, because even when I have been in a situation that could lead to cheating, I think of my partner and how I'd be hurting them and that just stops me cheating completely. But a cheater will give in to temptation, know that it would hurt their partner, but are too concerned about what they want compared to their partners feelings. No one said they were. It's not a mistake. They can feel regret and sorry, and wish they had never done it, but it's not a mistake, because they were aware of everything they did, they knew what they were doing, there was no mistake in it all. there are many things we know are wrong, but do it anyway. Smoking for example...we know it gives us a pretty high risk of cancer but so many people smoke regardless, will they regret it if they get cancer? Probably. Just because you know something is wrong when you do it, and for whatever reason, your judgement gets impaired, doesn't mean that what you did wasn't a mistake. A mistake by definition doesn't exclude the things that we do which we are well aware of their wrongness, but includes those things. Mistakes can be made with regard to murdering someone, say (sorry for the grim analogy) you intend to shoot someone with what you honestly believe to a paint pellet, turns out it's an actual bullet. They die, but by your logic, this wouldn't be classed as a mistake, because they knew it was wrong to do it in the first place (despite not fully comprehending the consequences) and the result is so much more severe than first planned. When a person cheats with another it often ties in with relationship problems, such as poor sex life, no emotional support, abuse, lack of interest from other party, all sorts of things induce cheating. 9 times out 10 you will find that it was for one of these reasons the person did what they did. These factors cause lapse of judgement. When I cheated on my boyfriend (only a kiss) we were arguing on a daily basis. I felt controlled, completely dominated by my relationship, I lashed out. I wanted someone to say 'you look good', and it not mean anything more, I wanted something where it was about me, and not 'us'. I'm young, my lapse in judgement came and went, I wholly regret what I did. It was the worst mistake, and I know I could have done a lot worse, almost did, but I saw the better of it. Am I selfish? Yes, at that moment I was selfish. But it's not easy trying to meet someone else's needs all the time, and it's not so simple as to switch off my radar if you like. I like attractive men, and I was weak. Very weak. Humans weren't built for monogamy, the society we live in feeds us the crap that we are. And anyone who ever says they haven't felt the pangs of temptation are actually lying. It's natural. Forgive me if I slip up once in my two and a half year relationship. My lapse in judgement was thinking I could happily do it, and not worry about him. But I couldn't. I'm not heartless, and I don't believe many cheaters are. It's simply a case of being at a low ebb, in a position to act on desire, and doing it. Then thinking about it later. Haven't you ever acted without a thought? On impulse? If you aren't thinking with a clear, rational head how can it not be a mistake? If you were happy in the relationship, it wouldn't have happened. People forget that. It takes two to make a relationship work, and actually two to make it fail.
Recommended Posts