Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 You're mincing words. A decision can be a mistake. This is common sense. no, not common sense at all. A decision IS a mistake if you don't know which decision is right. Example, I don't know which road leads me to Dallas. I have 3 options on where to turn....its coming up quick. i'm just not sure...so I pick the exit on the left.....oops....wrong exit. Hence, it was a mistake. Those that cheat KNOW they shouldn't do it...but do it anyway. It wasn't a matter of them thinking..."hmmm....is cheating a good thing, or a bad thing.....is this wrong of me to stick my weenie in this woman while my wife is at home?" get real
Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 You're mincing words. A decision can be a mistake. This is common sense. If I walk down the wrong street, a street I thought was the correct one, that's a mistake. I made the decision to walk down the street though, but I was wrong with my decision, i.e. choice. How is that not a mistake? easy, in YOUR scenario, you are trying to equate not knowing if the street you are walking down is wrong, to cheating....as if to say those that cheat don't know they are doing something they shouldn't. They know and do it anyway. Whereas your example, you didn't know, but had to make a choice. The same logic can apply to cheating. No, it can't, because the logic is flawed.
Samari Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 That is not true. regretting something i did does not mean i wouldn't do it again. It just means I'm sorry for doing it. Plenty of cheaters will testify to that. I'm sorry when I break up with people, and I feel regret over it. But it doesn't mean I won't ever do it again. Then you aren't actually regretting what you did. You're just upset. How can cheating ever be correct? One of the rules in a relationship is to be only with that person, emotionally and physically. You break that rule if you cheat. How can someone ever draw the conclusion that breaking the no.1 rule of a relationship can ever realistically be considered correct? That example is flawed I'm afraid, because cheating can never be considered correct. "Correct" as in "okay", "not a big deal". Which is why one proceeds with a certain decision in the first place. We all have our own ethics and morals, but that doesn't mean they are always on constant alert. That is why we make mistakes.
Samari Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 who said anything about being perfect? And if you think it can be human nature to cheat....hey, whatever works for ya. I simply won't put up with that part of human nature, especially since its not in mine. It didn't have to be "said". It is in human nature to cheat. That is why it actually happens all the time. Doesn't mean it should be done, but people and life aren't black and white. To put it in simple terms, "**** happens".
Samari Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 no, not common sense at all. A decision IS a mistake if you don't know which decision is right. Example, I don't know which road leads me to Dallas. I have 3 options on where to turn....its coming up quick. i'm just not sure...so I pick the exit on the left.....oops....wrong exit. Hence, it was a mistake. Those that cheat KNOW they shouldn't do it...but do it anyway. It wasn't a matter of them thinking..."hmmm....is cheating a good thing, or a bad thing.....is this wrong of me to stick my weenie in this woman while my wife is at home?" get real What? Humans can't have a lapse in judgment? Ironic how you're asking me to get real. And a decision isn't just a mistake if you don't know which decision is right: A quarterback throws to a receiver he thinks should be running the correct route and knows the correct play. Yet his receiver isn't there and instead a cornerback is there to make the interception. Does that mean the quarterback didn't know what the play was? No. He believe he knew what the said play was, but was actually incorrect. If I take a math test, and I believe something is right, but it turns out wrong, that doesn't mean I didn't believe what I put down was correct in the first place. That is also a mistake.
Samari Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 easy, in YOUR scenario, you are trying to equate not knowing if the street you are walking down is wrong, to cheating....as if to say those that cheat don't know they are doing something they shouldn't. They know and do it anyway. Whereas your example, you didn't know, but had to make a choice. Nope. In my example I believed what I was doing was correct, but it actually turned out I was incorrect. By your logic you have to be 100% sure about something for it not to be a mistake. But newsflash, people are 100% about things all the time, but still end up incorrect. No, it can't, because the logic is flawed. I think you just don't understand it.
Stark Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Nope. In my example I believed what I was doing was correct, but it actually turned out I was incorrect. By your logic you have to be 100% sure about something for it not to be a mistake. But newsflash, people are 100% about things all the time, but still end up incorrect. For someone to believe it was correct in your example, means that someone thinks that decision the to cheat is correct. When you're in a relationship, it is never, ever, correct to cheat. Even a cheater knows it's not correct to cheat. It goes against rule no. 1 of relationships, so how can they ever believe it is correct? The answer is they KNOW it's not correct, but they don't care enough to stop them cheating. Sorry, but it makes no sense. A cheater knows it's wrong to cheat on their partner, I don't think anyone here can seriously even take that up for debate. and since they KNOW it is wrong for them to cheat on their partner, but don't CARE, they are CONCIOUSLY making that decision to cheat, which means it's not a mistake, it's a choice they made. The wrong one, yes, but not a mistake, because they knew what they were doing, and you can't intentionally make mistakes, else it's not a mistake.
Samari Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 For someone to believe it was correct in your example, means that someone thinks that decision the to cheat is correct. When you're in a relationship, it is never, ever, correct to cheat. Even a cheater knows it's not correct to cheat. It goes against rule no. 1 of relationships, so how can they ever believe it is correct? The answer is they KNOW it's not correct, but they don't care enough to stop them cheating. Sorry, but it makes no sense. A cheater knows it's wrong to cheat on their partner, I don't think anyone here can seriously even take that up for debate. and since they KNOW it is wrong for them to cheat on their partner, but don't CARE, they are CONCIOUSLY making that decision to cheat, which means it's not a mistake, it's a choice they made. The wrong one, yes, but not a mistake, because they knew what they were doing, and you can't intentionally make mistakes, else it's not a mistake. But every situation is different. Me answering a question on a math test while thinking it's correct and it turns out to be incorrect has nothing to do with my ethics or morals. The point I already made was that people can still have good morals and ethics, but have a lapse in judgment or moments where "they are selfish or don't care" (in regards to some of the vocab you used). But in the big aspect, someone that cheats doesn't mean they are the scum of the Earth and can never redeem themselves. There are people that have cheated on their partners and regretted their actions and wished that they hadn't. If you don't want to call that a mistake, fine. Mince words, whatever. But that important thing is that not everyone is the same, and that some people are actually sorry for what they do, and don't necessarily deserved to be verbally "burned at the stake". Every situation is different with every person.
Stark Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 But every situation is different. Me answering a question on a math test while thinking it's correct and it turns out to be incorrect has nothing to do with my ethics or morals. The point I already made was that people can still have good morals and ethics, but have a lapse in judgment or moments where "they are selfish or don't care" (in regards to some of the vocab you used). I never said they may not be nice people. The thing is, that everybody on earth that has a clue what a relationship is, knows that cheating is wrong. The only time when it's not wrong is if both partners have agreed beforehand it's okay to see other people. You are arguing that the cheater think it's corect to cheat, which is wrong. Cheaters know it's wrong to cheat, hence why they won't admit what they are going to do to their partners. The fact that they do cheat proves that they don't care about their partners feelings over their lust/desires, which is selfish. I don't have it in me to cheat, ever, because even when I have been in a situation that could lead to cheating, I think of my partner and how I'd be hurting them and that just stops me cheating completely. But a cheater will give in to temptation, know that it would hurt their partner, but are too concerned about what they want compared to their partners feelings. But in the big aspect, someone that cheats doesn't mean they are the scum of the Earth and can never redeem themselves. There are people that have cheated on their partners and regretted their actions and wished that they hadn't. If you don't want to call that a mistake, fine. Mince words, whatever. But that important thing is that not everyone is the same, and that some people are actually sorry for what they do, and don't necessarily deserved to be verbally "burned at the stake". Every situation is different with every person. No one said they were. It's not a mistake. They can feel regret and sorry, and wish they had never done it, but it's not a mistake, because they were aware of everything they did, they knew what they were doing, there was no mistake in it all.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 It is in human nature to cheat. That is why it actually happens all the time. like I said....whatever works for ya;) Doesn't mean it should be done, but people and life aren't black and white. To put it in simple terms, "**** happens". yup, and they can let "sh#t happen" with someone else who will put up with it.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 What? Humans can't have a lapse in judgment? sure they can...but it isn't a mistake. If I take a math test, and I believe something is right, but it turns out wrong, that doesn't mean I didn't believe what I put down was correct in the first place. That is also a mistake. again, your analogies don't hold water because the logic isnt the same. what you said above would be said like, "If I am around another woman(math test), and I believe cheating is right, but it turns out to be wrong, that doesn't mean I didn't believe that when I cheated I was correct in the first place" you need to make your logic apples to apples.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Nope. In my example I believed what I was doing was correct, but it actually turned out I was incorrect. exactly! so are you trying to say that cheaters think they are correct when going in....but it turned out to be incorrect?.......after the orgasm that is. By your logic you have to be 100% sure about something for it not to be a mistake. exactly....anyone that isn't 100% sure that cheating is wrong....well, nuff said
Dexter Morgan Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 For someone to believe it was correct in your example, means that someone thinks that decision the to cheat is correct. See Samari.....Stark gets it.
Samari Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I never said they may not be nice people. The thing is, that everybody on earth that has a clue what a relationship is, knows that cheating is wrong. The only time when it's not wrong is if both partners have agreed beforehand it's okay to see other people. You are arguing that the cheater think it's corect to cheat, which is wrong. Cheaters know it's wrong to cheat, hence why they won't admit what they are going to do to their partners. The fact that they do cheat proves that they don't care about their partners feelings over their lust/desires, which is selfish. I don't have it in me to cheat, ever, because even when I have been in a situation that could lead to cheating, I think of my partner and how I'd be hurting them and that just stops me cheating completely. But a cheater will give in to temptation, know that it would hurt their partner, but are too concerned about what they want compared to their partners feelings. I never advocated anything about people being nice as a main point as far as this topic is concerned. No I was arguing what the definition of what a mistake was. You seem convinced that you have to not know what you're doing in order to make a mistake. I disagree. I advocated that you can know what you're doing, and still make a mistake. A brief lapse in judgment, something against one's own nature, can qualify. No one said they were. It's not a mistake. They can feel regret and sorry, and wish they had never done it, but it's not a mistake, because they were aware of everything they did, they knew what they were doing, there was no mistake in it all. Why? Because the person knew what they were doing? So what? That's being super "picky" about the definition of what a mistake is and isn't. Like I said earlier, even if one is aware of their actions, you can still make a mistake with that logic.
Samari Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 like I said....whatever works for ya;) Thanks. Same goes for you as well. yup, and they can let "sh#t happen" with someone else who will put up with it. Thanks again? That statement doesn't really have anything to do with what I was advocating, but thanks again...I guess.
Samari Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 sure they can...but it isn't a mistake. In your opinion. again, your analogies don't hold water because the logic isnt the same. what you said above would be said like, "If I am around another woman(math test), and I believe cheating is right, but it turns out to be wrong, that doesn't mean I didn't believe that when I cheated I was correct in the first place" you need to make your logic apples to apples. Nope. You didn't understand again. I already stated after that example that taking a math test most likely excludes my ethics and morals in that certain situation. Every situation is different, like I said. But what is done in both examples can still qualify as being a mistake.
Samari Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 exactly! so are you trying to say that cheaters think they are correct when going in....but it turned out to be incorrect?.......after the orgasm that is. Nope. Try again. exactly....anyone that isn't 100% sure that cheating is wrong....well, nuff said Well gotta disagree with that logic there that you negated in the quote you quoted. Obviously.
Samari Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 See Samari.....Stark gets it. Gets the logic of his/her opinion. Definitely agree with that.
Ivette Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Cheating is bad. But being human sometimes we just want to ****. has nothing to do with love or long term. take it this way, yea you enjoy rice or burgers or w/e if you have it everyday a) you either never tried anything else b) you are too afraid of what you might lose to try something else c) you have, but you decided that what you had before is better so, if you want to stay with her, you already know what to do, you would just like so get some help. if you dont want to stay with her, you wouldnt even bother posting right? Best of luck to you man, we all fall sometimes, pick yourself up, you can get through this. if not, she wasnt meant for you anyways, even if you were meant for her ps- relax with the quotes, it just shows you have too much ego to give up on a fight that no one cares about but you really.
Samari Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 ps- relax with the quotes, it just shows you have too much ego to give up on a fight that no one cares about but you really. Or it could show that I actually am respectful and address every point that is brought forth towards me. Wouldn't want to be rude. I also don't see why anyone else would really care that isn't involved in the debate. Obviously. If you weren't addressing me with that comment, I apologize.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Thanks again? That statement doesn't really have anything to do with what I was advocating, but thanks again...I guess. sure it does...when one says "sh#t happens", it is to say, oh well....no big deal, and insinuating that a 2nd chance should be doled out because we are all "human":o I simply said someone can let "sh#t happen" with someone who will put up with it.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Gets the logic of his/her opinion. Definitely agree with that. no, he got that your "logic" was flawed. apples and oranges. the difference in one example they aren't sure if it is a wrong decision, as compared to the real life scenario we are talking about where people KNOW cheating is wrong...yet do it anyway. That clear enough for you?
lil will Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 ok here goes this may seem strange considering these events all happened within the last three hours but here goes..... I am in a long term relationship with a girl I love very much, we've been together for nearly 4 years and we are thinking of moving in together. Recently I have been a bit unhappy with things bed related but i put this down to the fact that I suffer from depression and would NEVER blame it on her. A friend of a friend is on the scene for a few days and a few years ago she was extremely flirty with me..... and we both acted on it today. we didnt have sex but did lots of stuff and it was the only time in the last four years that i couldnt physically control myself - i had a chemistry with this girl and i know its no excuse. i do not want to throw the best thing that ever happened to me away after a moment of madness. I know that the guilt will eat me up but I just need people to tell me should I tell the love of my life and for it to be over - or should I bottle it up and try and be the best boyfriend i can be? i think u shuld tell ur girl that ur a little unhappy with things in bed
harmfulsweetz Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I think you need to look at your relationship and work out why this happened. Is there an underlying problem of some sort? You mentioned bed related issues, well commonly, when there are issues of a sexual nature, cheating can sometimes happen. But you need to dig deep and truly, honestly evaluate whether this relationship is satisfying you, fulfilling your needs, are you ready for it? So many people just bury their heads in the sand when they cheat because they believe they did it for selfish reasons, they are just bad, etc etc, often this isn't the case but they don't look hard enough to realise that. I'm not here to judge you, many people do things to people they love which hurt them, and having a fumble isn't the worst thing you can do to a partner, believe me. Many relationships survive infidelity, indiscretions, it just depends how hard are you willing to work for it? Are you prepared to run the marathon to gain her trust back? If not, get out now. If so, then you both need to sit down, have a long chat, where you work out and thrash out the issues, and plan to resolve this. I would say if it was just a kiss, I wouldn't tell. But since it was more, this indicates to me that you really wanted it. A moment of madness? I don't think a moment suffices, you chose to put yourself in the risky position, it isn't the same as someone going out, getting drunk and ending up cheating, you put yourself in the room alone with her. This is all too telling, but you need to ask yourself why you chose to take that risk? Sit her down, explain what happened, explain you understand completely if she can't forgive, but you are prepared to do whatever it takes to make it right. You never know...it may be that this relationship isn't actually what you wanted, needed in the first place, but you both need to answer that one.
Recommended Posts