galway Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ok here goes this may seem strange considering these events all happened within the last three hours but here goes..... I am in a long term relationship with a girl I love very much, we've been together for nearly 4 years and we are thinking of moving in together. Recently I have been a bit unhappy with things bed related but i put this down to the fact that I suffer from depression and would NEVER blame it on her. A friend of a friend is on the scene for a few days and a few years ago she was extremely flirty with me..... and we both acted on it today. we didnt have sex but did lots of stuff and it was the only time in the last four years that i couldnt physically control myself - i had a chemistry with this girl and i know its no excuse. i do not want to throw the best thing that ever happened to me away after a moment of madness. I know that the guilt will eat me up but I just need people to tell me should I tell the love of my life and for it to be over - or should I bottle it up and try and be the best boyfriend i can be?
hopesndreams Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 do not want to throw the best thing that ever happened to me away after a moment of madness. If she really were the best thing that ever happened to you, you would not have done what you did. It wasn't a moment of madness. You made a choice that was right for you at the time and would most likely do it again if the opportunity presented itself. or should I bottle it up and try and be the best boyfriend i can be? It's too late for that after what you've done. At best, you would be a mediocre boyfriend and if you love her as much as you claim to do, you know she deserves better. You should tell her what took place and let her decide what to do about it.
Peanut9330 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Simple answere: If you truly do love her and care for her then u need to tell her. Its not fair to her that you cheated and are now trying to hide it. You have to tell her so she can decided if this is something she can overcome or not, dont take away her choice by keeping it a secret. However if u cared and truly loved her you would have never done it in the frist place even if it was in the heat of the moment.
Girlygal Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Wow, you really set yourself up to screw up on this one didnt you??? Alone with a girl that you are attracted to when your relationship is rocky. You knew wht you were doing. this is not a "heat of the moment" screw up. What a dog.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I am in a long term relationship with a girl I love very much obviously not A friend of a friend is on the scene for a few days and a few years ago she was extremely flirty with me..... and we both acted on it today. we didnt have sex but did lots of stuff and it was the only time in the last four years that i couldnt physically control myself - i had a chemistry with this girl and i know its no excuse. i do not want to throw the best thing that ever happened to me away after a moment of madness. too late...you already did throw it away, whether you two stay together or not. I know that the guilt will eat me up but I just need people to tell me should I tell the love of my life and for it to be over - or should I bottle it up and try and be the best boyfriend i can be? if you bottle it up, all you have learned is that you can get away with it. besides, if you don't tell her, then not only have you cheated, but you are keeping secrets from her, which is basically lying. she deserves to know what you did so SHE can decide whether this relationship is worth it. otherwise, if you don't face the possibility of losing her, you WILL cheat again, whether it be next month, year, or years down the road.
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Bottom line is now it doesn't matter what you want anymore. You got what you wanted when you did what you did. Man up and tell the woman you love what happened. Anything else and you're a creep.
m-j Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 ok here is a little bit of advice from someone who has been in the exact same situation as your girlfriend: tell her. break up with her for her own good. you will do it again, and if you dont, she will FOREVER be worrying that you will. she might say she forgives you but she doesnt. she might say she is over it but she wont be. she will suspect EVERY girl that comes near you. this is the worst thing you have ever done in your life. you do not love her. you do NOT care about her enough to continue being her boyfriend. if you do care about her at all - break up with her...for her own sake. and never EVER cheat on anyone again. if you wanted to have sex with that slut you should have broken up with your beautiful girlfriend first. the end.
m-j Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 ok here is a little bit of advice from someone who has been in the exact same situation as your girlfriend: tell her. break up with her for her own good. you will do it again, and if you dont, she will FOREVER be worrying that you will. she might say she forgives you but she doesnt. she might say she is over it but she wont be. she will suspect EVERY girl that comes near you. this is the worst thing you have ever done in your life. you do not love her. you do NOT care about her enough to continue being her boyfriend. if you do care about her at all - break up with her...for her own sake. and never EVER cheat on anyone again. if you wanted to have sex with that slut you should have broken up with your beautiful girlfriend first. the end. have sex = perform sexual acts SAME THING
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Why dont you be a man about yours tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to stay with you or not.
huck Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 You've got to ask yourself was it worth f***ing up a 4 year relationship for 1 night of fun with someone else ??.. You should of asked yourself that before you put yourself in the situation with the other girl. You need to tell your girlfriend asap what happened and be truthful. Then she can decide what she wants to do... Once again - was it really worth it !!!!!
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Lots of condemnation from other posters, all of which must be lily-white and never make mistakes. I don't have any easy answers for you. But you may consider reading these sites: Why adultery can help save a marriageHow to Admit Cheating on a Loved OneThe Total Honesty Approach: Pros and Cons
jnj express Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hey thaddeus----OP asked for people's opinions, they gave their opinions---WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE THE OTHERS
Thaddeus Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE THE OTHERS Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot.
Lucky_One Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 There are a lot of black-and-white posters here who will tell you that a cheater is always a cheater and that relationships can never get past infidelity. Some people will throw a baby out with the dirty bathwater every time. Unfortunately for them, life is full of gray areas, and mature people are able to work on compromises and are able to work on very serious issues that arise in relationships. NO relationship comes trouble-free - whether it is serious illness or disability, sexual, care of parents, money struggles, problems with child-rearing. I think I would tell your GF what happened. Let her response help lead you in the way that your relationship progresses. There is a very big chance that she will break up with you, and there is also a good chance that she looks at the history of your relationship and wants to work things out with you. Good luck.
aloneanddepressed Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I've never understand how if you TRULY care about someone, you would even be thinking of another individual, much less actually messing around with them. This sort of thing infuriates me. Clearly you don't have enough respect for her feelings or you wouldn't be cheating like that. Why would you even want to stay with her? The guilt would almost kill you, unless you are the type that can let this sort of thing roll off your back and move on with life. How do you think she would feel if she knew this, especially after 4 years. Sorry to sound harsh, but personally, I would never take a cheater back. It basically screwed everything up. You definitely should just tell her its over and not bother trying to fix things. ok here goes this may seem strange considering these events all happened within the last three hours but here goes..... I am in a long term relationship with a girl I love very much, we've been together for nearly 4 years and we are thinking of moving in together. Recently I have been a bit unhappy with things bed related but i put this down to the fact that I suffer from depression and would NEVER blame it on her. A friend of a friend is on the scene for a few days and a few years ago she was extremely flirty with me..... and we both acted on it today. we didnt have sex but did lots of stuff and it was the only time in the last four years that i couldnt physically control myself - i had a chemistry with this girl and i know its no excuse. i do not want to throw the best thing that ever happened to me away after a moment of madness. I know that the guilt will eat me up but I just need people to tell me should I tell the love of my life and for it to be over - or should I bottle it up and try and be the best boyfriend i can be?
Dexter Morgan Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Lots of condemnation from other posters, all of which must be lily-white and never make mistakes. everyone makes mistakes. Cheating, however, isn't a mistake. Its done because one person WANTED to cum with, on, or in another person.
Sharbuncle Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 You can either window shop, and stay with the person you love..or you can go in the store and try the outfit on. Thing is, you MADE your decision already. Now have the dignity to tell the poor girl. Ignorance is NOT bliss. if you can honestly look her in the eyes every day and pretend you did nothing wrong, she deserves better. Let her go, so she can find someone worth her time. If you tell her, and she decides to reward you for your honesty and stay together, you had better be a MAN and not a SLEEZY LITTLE BOY and treat her right from now on.
Sharbuncle Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 ps: a mistake is forgetting to take the trash out... If you know what you are doing is wrong, and do it anyways, that means you have no self control.... not a mistake.. a personality flaw.
darknightie Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 ps: a mistake is forgetting to take the trash out... If you know what you are doing is wrong, and do it anyways, that means you have no self control.... not a mistake.. a personality flaw. I love this, so very true. I cant imagine what the "unhappiness" in bed issue was, but if you hadn't addressed it with the girl you love, and instead went and cheated on her without allowing her to fix it WITH you, than truly you do not deserve her. This whole situation actually, is pretty raw. Obviously you were seeking reassurance about your - whatever, perhaps looks...who knows. But do everyone involved a favor and get out. You do not hurt the ones you truly love, especially not intentionally.
Javelin Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Man up to your actions and let this girl decide if she wants to stay with you. Lots of condemnation from other posters, all of which must be lily-white and never make mistakes. I don't have any easy answers for you. But you may consider reading these sites: Why adultery can help save a marriageHow to Admit Cheating on a Loved OneThe Total Honesty Approach: Pros and Cons These articles are just mere excuses for a morally bad person to further justify their cheating actions. In fact, my cheating ex-girlfriend actually had the audacity to tell me similar points found in the article after she cheated on me... That said, cheating can never and will never save a relationship, it'll only bring more pain and suffering to it and if you've have yet to go through it; then you just don't know the full extent of the damage. " I don't want the person that shot me in the back, tending to my wounds.. " - David Qauch
Hkizzle Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 OH man, yeah you screwed up. But I find it amazing some of the people on this thread flamed you for it. You come here for advice, not to get flamed. What the hell are they judging for? As for telling her, I hope for the love of God you did NOT follow the advice of some here and told her. There is never upside to telling someone you cheated on them. If you're guilty and want to do the right thing, break up with the person with some other excuse and move on. Telling someone you cheated is one of those righteous but ultimately selfish things to remove the guilt. It's just going to screw the other person up. Either continue the relationship, and make sure it never happens again and don't say a thing. OR break up with her. Don't be a self righteous prick, and ruin her life and mind by telling her.
Samari Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Lots of condemnation from other posters, all of which must be lily-white and never make mistakes. That is exactly what I was thinking. This board has way too many people who think too much of themselves. The OP asked for guidance, but didn't ask for other poster's emotional opinion about the matter. What the people in this thread are doing is burning the man at the stake. Just tell the person what you believe is the right thing to do and move on. No need to belittle the OP. That negativity is totally unnecessary.
Samari Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I've never understand how if you TRULY care about someone, you would even be thinking of another individual, much less actually messing around with them. Then you don't understand human nature. Life isn't black and white, and neither are people. There are temptations in life, and even though as civilization evolves, there is still more than a good amount of savagery to mankind that overrides logic. It happens everyday in countless examples.
Samari Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 everyone makes mistakes. Cheating, however, isn't a mistake. Its done because one person WANTED to cum with, on, or in another person. And? Just because someone makes a decision doesn't mean they can't regret it later. If that occurs, it's a mistake. Period.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 And? Just because someone makes a decision doesn't mean they can't regret it later. where did I say they couldn't? I said it wasn't a mistake. It was a conscious decision. to call it a mistake is to downplay the action and play the woe-is-me card. If that occurs, it's a mistake. Period. dont think so.
Recommended Posts