Yensid Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Man. My heart sure loves playing tricks on me. Hopefully someone can help... Here is what happened: My boyfriend of 4 years and I recently broke up about a month ago. I was the one that ended it, due to increasing numbers of fights, things being hidden from me, and lack of appreciation. I know relationships have ups and downs, but something was telling me "enough". So, I ended it, yet I told him I still wanted to be friends. And yes, I meant it. He agreed, but was still VERY heartbroken. (Gosh that tore my heartstrings.) But at the same time, things were just not getting better, and I was so sure I was doing the right thing....(or so I thought). A couple weeks went by, and I started missing him terribly. I asked him in person how he felt and he told me "well, I still have feelings for you. Despite everyone telling me to move on, you are the ONLY woman for me. There will be no one else." I then confessed more thoroughly why I broke up with him, and he said "I know, I have things to change, and really...its true, 'you never know what you've got til its gone'...and if we ever got back together, I promise things would be different...Please...please don't leave me..." Beautiful words, looked like he meant it. But here is where I don't know what to do. I want him back so bad...but I feel foolish for asking him to get back together because I was the one that ended it. Also, I don't want to be a fool if we do get back together, he changes for a little bit, but then goes back to his old ways. I am so afraid of that. Do I wait a little longer to see if there are any improvements? Or do I go back to him and just, give it another shot?
boldjack Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 So you had problems in the relationship. Everybody has problems in a relationship. You ended it, he has been upfront with you , and you're not sure about going back with him because of your pride, then you don't deserve him, let him go. If you really love him and respect him you need to show him . Remember, you broke it, you fix it.
hopefulInFuture Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Dear Yensid, I understand that your situation is really touch. You don't really have many options: either work it out or part. I don't believe in separating in order to work on things. Therefore, if you wait longer you must accept the fact that it may end. The end however may not be such a tragical thing. You might actually be happier and find someone who treats you better once you outgrow your feelings for him. Whether you want to take him back is your choice. On the LS we only hear one side of the stories and no one truly can tell you what to do. Only you know what you should do. One thing I know that usually when your intuition tells you that you should break up, this means a lot. But again I don't know why you fought and why he lied. Only you can set the right boundaries for yourself. Can you truly forgive him for his lies? Where they big deals? Based on my experience we all humans tell lies. What matters is the purpose of a lie. If a lie is told to make someone feel better (so called white lies) while the culprit is not really doing much wrong, you could probably forgive and forget. If the purpose of a lie is to manipulate you while hiding something very wrong from you (such as another girlfriend, cheating, something that can truly change a course of your life) I believe you should not forgive so easily. It will create a vicious cycle. Anyways, as I said only you can decide what you should do. But whatever you do, stick to it. One month is not enough time to get over your love feelings and this can create a huge burden on you in terms of confusion. If you decide to stick to your decision to break up with him then give yourself more time to get over these feelings and accept that he might move on as well and find someone else (don't ever believe when someone tells you that they will love you forever. Everyone says this when they get married, yet look at the stats ). If you decide to take him back, make sure you have thoroughly thought out everything and that you know you can accept him for his defects and you can truly forgive him. I don't know whether he can truly change or not. Sometimes people do change. Just because a lot of couples go through the cycles does not mean everybody does. Look inside your heart and make the right decision for yourself.
darknightie Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 If you get back together, you take a chance that he'll fall in to his usual ways. But if you dont, you may always wonder "what if?" AND If you end up with someone else, guess what? Youre still taking a chance. I say bite the bullet, take responsibility for what you have done and apologize. It doesnt make you a weak person. We make mistakes (just like he has too)
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