monkey00 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 So I've come to a realization lately why I'm still single. And this is it - as it reads above. If a girl shows interest of some kind, I often pull back...Either I lose interest or I just don't feel the same way towards her. However if she winds up with some other dude or pulls back then I push back. There have been many times where this has happened and wind up regretting it after losing out on an opportunity. Currently the most severe situation I have is with this co-worker I work very closely with, there's been this hot and cold thing going on between us for the past 2 years already. I would like to date her, but as the above headline goes nothing has happened between us...and the fact that I never do like to sh*t where I eat. Some days I'm interested, some days I'm not into her. Funny how I'm able to give my friends advice but not be able to solve my own. My friend agrees with me that I think I'm too picky. Though some days I'm envious of other people who are in relationships (wishing I was in one) and other days I'm happy being single. Is there something I have to resolve within myself or an aspect of my life I should work on to change or adapt to a certain mindset where I can be satisfied? Does anyone else have this problem?
claire0917 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I had this problem too, and so did my friends. I take for granted what I have and miss what I lose. Very confusing. I think it's a phase we have to go through..
alphamale Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Funny how I'm able to give my friends advice but not be able to solve my own. dude its like that with everyone
carhill Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Does anyone else have this problem? Sure. It ends when you die. Choose wisely
Sam Spade Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Sure. It ends when you die. Choose wisely True, but also, given that you die anyway, there is also no point in placing undue importance over that choice. I say as long as you're not actually miserable and not obsessing about dating other people it alll riiiight .
paddington bear Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I don't know about this...it's the same with me. And so many other people I know, so much so that I wonder how anyone ever gets together with anyone. And I guess, hence all the silly game playing that goes on, so that you pretend you don't like someone as much as you do, so that they don't pull away. There's a few issues here. One is that no matter how much you might like someone initially, if they come on too strong, ring and text and basically shove their way into your life and affections, any normal person is going to feel overwhelmed and pull back from that kind of neediness. The second is that maybe those of us who always want what we can't have gravitate towards people who are unavailable to us due to subconsciously not wanting a relationship, fear of getting hurt, getting trapped, whatever, and so without even realising we are doing it, keep choosing people that we can never get. Or, a 3rd option is that maybe it's an in-built part of human nature, to make us aspire to greater things, build higher buildings, design a rocket to the moon, get that guy or girl that we thought was totally out of our reach and would never even look at us. So we reach for what we think is unobtainable as a way of making ourselves feel like we've really achieved something amazing. When something or someone lands on your lap too easily it might be nice, but ultimately it is seen as having less value than something we've had to work hard to achieve. And option 4 is that we ourselves feel like we are not that loveable and worthy really, so for someone to immediately like and love us must be weird right? I mean, there's obviously something wrong with them for wanting us. It shouldn't be this easy. People who don't want us have a better idea of what we are like. Undesirable, not sexy, of no value as a partner and so therefore we gravitate towards them as proof to ourselves that we are worthless pieces of crap. So, how do you get your head and heart to see the value in a person who has all the qualities you want, and also wants and desires you, without feeling like it all came too easily and immediately discarding that person? I don't know. Wish I had the answer.
stillafool Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 You just haven't met the right girl yet. When you do it will knock your socks off and the chase will begin.
Author monkey00 Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 The second is that maybe those of us who always want what we can't have gravitate towards people who are unavailable to us due to subconsciously not wanting a relationship, fear of getting hurt, getting trapped, whatever, and so without even realising we are doing it, keep choosing people that we can never get. You know thinking back, I think this somewhat describes my situation. When I was younger I didn't really get myself involved with women too much. I was only in a few relationships. However I did and do have quite a bit of female friends. At the end of the day I figure I'm just probably a commitment phobe. It's funny thinking about other people out there who have a constant 'need' to always be in a relationship in order to be happy (jumping from one to the next or upgrading). While there are others who can't commit or don't want to. You just haven't met the right girl yet. When you do it will knock your socks off and the chase will begin. Probably , can't wait for that day!
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 The problem is that you haven't had someone you really liked kick you in the nuts yet. Once that happens, you may just learn to appreciate what you have or at least know when someone is worth appreciating.
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