SarahRose Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I just got married a few weeks ago and I knew my husband looked at porn but I thought he was doing it just sometimes as in 2-3 times a week. I found out that he is looking at porn almost every day when he gets home from work and on Sunday when I went out to dry clothes he was sneaking and wanking to porn. I think our sex life is suffering because we might have sex 1-2 times a week and I would like it at least 3 times or more a week. I have a high sex drive. I find myself being extremely insulted and hurt that his wanking time is much much more than our sex time. I thought about just telling him he doesn't have to pretend to want sex with me anymore since he prefers the porn to me. I thought about downloading lots of naked men to my pc and see how he likes it. What should I say to him?
alphamale Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 What should I say to him? tell him you'll act like those women in porn films and do what they do...
Author SarahRose Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 tell him you'll act like those women in porn films and do what they do... I knew some guy would chime in with that and hate to tell this but I am a dirty nasty ho in bed. I have a 36G bra size so that ain't it.
alphamale Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I knew some guy would chime in with that and hate to tell this but I am a dirty nasty ho in bed. I have a 36G bra size so that ain't it. then tell him you'll make a porn film with him and you in it...i'll do the filming
Andy L Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 He needs to know you are not happy with this situation. Probably he'll feel worry thinking about you looking for pleasure in other ways... Just tell him the hard truth about your needs.
blair08 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Hunny do you know how many women are "nasty ho's" in bed with their man, and will do whatever they want. Role play, film it, take pics, whatever, you name it, and alot of them still look at it. You doing whatever is not likely to make him stop. It basically boils down to what you will and will not tolerate. If its a deal breaker for you after he knows how you feel, and he still dos it, then break the deal. If its not a deal breaker, then you'll need to communicate some kind of compromise possibly.
utterer of lies Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I just got married a few weeks ago and I knew my husband looked at porn but I thought he was doing it just sometimes as in 2-3 times a week. I found out that he is looking at porn almost every day when he gets home from work and on Sunday when I went out to dry clothes he was sneaking and wanking to porn. I think our sex life is suffering because we might have sex 1-2 times a week and I would like it at least 3 times or more a week. I have a high sex drive. I find myself being extremely insulted and hurt that his wanking time is much much more than our sex time. I thought about just telling him he doesn't have to pretend to want sex with me anymore since he prefers the porn to me. I thought about downloading lots of naked men to my pc and see how he likes it. What should I say to him? It's too much when it starts to affect your sex life. Which it obviously does, as you stated above. Just tell him that you need more attention, sexually.
PandorasBox Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 If you feel its to much, then it probably is. Talk to him, about it. Try not to let him make you feel bad for how you feel either. Sometimes people will put it off as no big deal or that you're reading to much into it, and they'll tell you to try and be more secure etc. To me, thats just a cop out and a justification for them to keep doing whatever they want, regardless of how you feel. To me, once someone starts to not care how you feel or disrespects you, then you got bigger fish to fry and its time to rethink your situation. Good luck.
AAlike Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I don't think that there is some set amount of porn that is "too much". as long as the amount of actual sex is OK with both parties, then it should be a non-issue. In my opinion, porn should only be seen an issue or an indication of disrespect or disinterest when it is chosen instead of or limits the amount of actual sex. This does seem to be the case in your relationship, so I can completely see why you are frustrated and feel slighted. I can't even imagine "sneaking and wanking" when I have an actual woman to have sex with! I definitely agree that you need to communicate with him - however, I'm not sure that simply calling him out on his porn use is the best way to approach this. I would not even bring up the porn - instead just tell him that you've been feeling horny lately and want to have sex more often...or alternatively tell him that you're not feeling sexually satisfied. If that doesn't work, then I think you have a legitimate problem.
aloneanddepressed Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I personally find this a bit inappropriate, especially that you just got married and he is doing this. It's like he is choosing porn over you. He may just have a major porn addiction issue, hopefully not worse. I admit, even as a girl I have watched it some, but in my last relationship, once I developed strong feelings for him or got to a certain point in relationship, I never was interested in seeing porn. He told me he didn't watch it much anymore either. Of course that could have been a lie on his part. What I'm getting at is, I think if you really are into the person and "want" them, porn would be the last thing you think about. Unless, maybe he is just interested in trying new things, and fascinated with them in the porn he watches. It looks like he would just tell you though. That would really bother me to the extreme. If you have a high sex drive, what is his problem? I just got married a few weeks ago and I knew my husband looked at porn but I thought he was doing it just sometimes as in 2-3 times a week. I found out that he is looking at porn almost every day when he gets home from work and on Sunday when I went out to dry clothes he was sneaking and wanking to porn. I think our sex life is suffering because we might have sex 1-2 times a week and I would like it at least 3 times or more a week. I have a high sex drive. I find myself being extremely insulted and hurt that his wanking time is much much more than our sex time. I thought about just telling him he doesn't have to pretend to want sex with me anymore since he prefers the porn to me. I thought about downloading lots of naked men to my pc and see how he likes it. What should I say to him?
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I've got a dear friend who went through this with her now ex-husband. He had a thing for phone sex lines, and apparently she'd come home from work, tear open the bill and see scads and scads of 1-900 charges. Thing was, she and her husband were HIGHLY sexual during their marriage (which lasted about 5 or 6 years) but he had this addiction that she just couldn't break. The odd part about it was that she knew about this before she decided to marry him, and figured that she could somehow change him (why do brides always insist on changing their man? But that's another thread, I suppose.) Needless to say, he didn't change and they ended up separated and eventually divorced. SarahRose, you're going to have to talk to him about this, tell him how you feel about it in a non-judgemental fashion (difficult, I know) and that you feel disrespected by his constant cruising for titties online. It's inappropriate when it's clearly serving as a wedge between you and he.
You'reasian Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Not sure what to say? Almost every guy looks at it. Some guys will always look at it, some of us guys look at it alot less or stop when we're in a relationship. Tell him this bothers you. See what he says. Listen carefully - don't rush to your own counter point. Think about what he tells you afterwards, come up with your response and then keep the dialog moving from there. 36G?? Gee-Whiz. That's too big!
MagicMan08 Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 like others have said.....if it inteferes with your sex life....then it is an issue....like many other things could be applied like that i would much rather have a woman than whack it..... What sites does he go to? He may know some I don't know..... (jp)
Phateless Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 The definition of addiction is when it interferes with work and interpersonal relationships.
HopeFades Posted July 23, 2009 Posted July 23, 2009 Sweetie, read my post above yours about the 100+ adultries. It will open your eyes. Your man is in deep deep trouble and so are you. Trust me when I tell you he if he is looking at that much porn, he is doing a lot more than looking.
AAlike Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 Sweetie, read my post above yours about the 100+ adultries. It will open your eyes. Your man is in deep deep trouble and so are you. Trust me when I tell you he if he is looking at that much porn, he is doing a lot more than looking. Hope - I read your post, and obviously my condolences as that absolutely sucks. However, I don't necessarily believe that OP's situation is the same as yours.
westernxer Posted July 24, 2009 Posted July 24, 2009 I thought about downloading lots of naked men to my pc and see how he likes it. What should I say to him? Fighting fire with fire won't help your situation. The fact that you bring up this issue means it's too much. If he doesn't want to stop, you've got some big decisions to make.
imonyourside Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 so clearly, after all these posts, you've gathered you need to talk to him, right? have you yet? i'm dying to know what he says because my bf (i feel) watches too much porn but it hasn't really affected our sex life (yet..). simply tell him you aren't sexually satisfied and joke about how you don't want to end up an old married couple. maybe doing some romantic things could lighten the mood a little? remind him your his new sexy wife and he should take advantage of the fact that you are both young and in love
AAlike Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 so clearly, after all these posts, you've gathered you need to talk to him, right? have you yet? i'm dying to know what he says because my bf (i feel) watches too much porn but it hasn't really affected our sex life (yet..). I'm curious as to what amount of porn that your boyfriend watches that you deem too much, and why that is the case if it is not affecting your sex life.
murguia1943 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Pornography is a fetish many males become addicted to at puberty. Males at puberty are imprinted sexually when they experience their first ejaculation. This is a very intense and novel experience which occurs after a period of suppressed sexual arousal. This first explosive ejaculation occurs rarely with a female. Instead it is a self play experience accompanied by a sexual stimulate. We do not know what he is thinking at the moment of ejaculation but most of the time it is going to be an imprinted fantasy with origins at first ejaculations of puberty. If we could read his mind and know what he was thinking at the moment of ejaculation many relationships would end. While we also fantasize during sex, men, due to their initial puberty ejaculation imprinting and subsequent self play reinforcements, are rarely, if ever, thinking about us in a romantic manner. Capture this moment and redirect it until he is thinking only of you at ejaculation and ideally must think of you to ejaculate. Make you the enabler of his fetish desires by possessing the keys to the gate of his ejaculation. One difficulty in today’s world is pornography. I am not talking about Playboy magazine which is also pornography which typically also includes lingerie wrappings but hard core pornography. In my generation lingerie was the most common stimulate. Unfortunately too often in today’s world pornography is the first stimulate. Pornography is premised on female degradation and is to be avoided or changed if possible. This is evident by the finish which is the male marking territory on the woman’s face. If this is his imprinted stimulus he began it at puberty. You have to try and change it to an alternate fetish or control it. Fortunately most males are still sexually stimulated by lingerie even if it is associated with pornography. It is a suitable stimulus if you are wearing I, (if he is wearing it this is another whole different issue). Test his response to you in lingerie. The benefits of lingerie are you wear it making your wearing it the sexual stimulus, it can be easily changed to rekindle interest, it can be used as a signal of sexual readiness and it can be manipulated as a control object with you the provider or denier, depending on his behavior. A garter belt with nylon stockings is a basic sexual stimulus despite being totally impractical. Wear them for a sexual romp and see his response. Most males respond strongly to this stimulus as the media has already implanted this as the sexy image of a female. If he responds strongly eliminate wearing them on the next sexual encounter. If he asks you to wear them again this indicates a strong interest which you expand and control to other lingerie items. Have a wardrobe of sexual stimuli by which you intensify his ejaculation experiences. He may, however, omit mention of them on the next event. If this occurs switch sexual encounters with lingerie and without until I can judge the level of his interest. If lingerie is not a trigger mechanism experiment with talking dirty to him as a form of non-visual pornography and expand to role playing with you the center of the action until you find what results in instant arousal. Hopefully it will not be automobile tail pipes! The important thing is once you learn his secret stimulus, become his enabler but control it. It is a lot of work and you need to understand it is going to be at least a twice a week chore. Hopefully it does not take all the romance for you out of sex. After learning his original puberty stimulus, massage him to ejaculation while enabling this stimulus. This can be a birthday treat of an occasion which deserves an award. Done properly he is going to enjoy it and want it again which puts you in a position of being able to reward or deny. Learn how to slowly bring him up to the point of ejaculation and then delay it. This heightens the eventual ejaculation but more importantly starts the learning process of your controlling his ejaculation. You want him to experience the intense ejaculations of puberty. The goal is to arrive at ones more intense than the first one he experienced in adolescence. If you do this he will want you over his pornography. For me the eventual stimulus was talking about my having affairs. Eventually I moved from fantasy to reality. While I told him I was having an affair I retained the fantasy by never letting him know the details.
sxyNYCcpl Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Done properly he is going to enjoy it and want it again which puts you in a position of being able to reward or deny. Learn how to slowly bring him up to the point of ejaculation and then delay it. This heightens the eventual ejaculation but more importantly starts the learning process of your controlling his ejaculation. You want him to experience the intense ejaculations of puberty. The goal is to arrive at ones more intense than the first one he experienced in adolescence. If you do this he will want you over his pornography. For me the eventual stimulus was talking about my having affairs. Eventually I moved from fantasy to reality. While I told him I was having an affair I retained the fantasy by never letting him know the details. That's 10 minutes of my life I'm never getting back again. You sound like you'd be a joy to party with!
shelyse Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 ok well i had the same problem with my boyfriend he would rather go watch porm then have sex with me then i got into a fight with him about it telling him to go find someother girl that looks like that i was so mad and hurt i felt like he didnt want me anymore i was ugly to him and i told him that and then after a while he gave the porn to his friend ... you should talk to him make him understand how you feel and if he dont listen to you, you should go out and buy some hot guy porn and watch it with him in the room or een behind his back and see how he likes it....
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