Ashurii Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 This is a long distance relationship, but the trouble lies with what I did seven months ago, not the long distance, so I hope I put it in the right place. I really need help but it's a semi-long story so..x-x Names have been changed. Thank you for any help! In January '08 I met Ben and Kyle on an MMO and we chatted a lot. They were in high school together. Kyle and I got into a disagreement and didn't talk until late March. We realized we had feelings for each other and a little while later I started to realize I've had feelings for Ben, but I tried to ignore them because I really did/do love Kyle. Ben tried to back out of the friendship but he's been a good friend so I said no. Anyway, I have huge feelings of guilt and ended up telling Kyle I had some feelings for Ben, and of course he was hurt and...that was that. This was in July '08. Ben helps me stop feeling bad over Kyle and we get closer. He has the idea to visit over winter break (they both live in CA. I live in MO) and we start to plan that. Somehow losing my virginity comes into the equation but he doesn't like the idea, but at the time I felt I wouldn't regret it. And yeah, that goes on. After December Ben and I sort of distanced due to some depression issues that randomly hit me. He didn't wave me off but my mood swings grated on him >.o; But yeah, in late March I heard Kyle came back. In shock, I contacted him (I honestly thought I'd never see him again). I tell him about December and he's upset, because he despises Ben. During the 8 month break he's had sex for the first time as well. He takes me back under the condition that I choose: either him or Ben. I chose him, since Ben never did have feelings for me, and I knew I could have that future with Kyle. I told Ben and after like..a week I was talking to him a little. Kyle asked if I was and I admitted I was a bit, so..yay, stupid choices. I did stop talking to Ben after that but we'd get into small fights about how I had sex with him but things would always get better. He was going to visit on the 20th (of this month) but he the past overwhelmed him again and he said he couldn't do it, that everything reminded him of Ben and what I did with him. We still talk and we're still friends, but it still hurts because I don't know if this is something that can be fixed or if it's really something that that's big of a deal? I know he's hurt, because of his hate for Ben, but I'm willing to do anything to help him focus on the future and us and not my past. Thing is, he seems resolute in this friends only thing and I don't know how to go about trying to help him. Thank you for reading >.<; Edit: Also, he's upset because I'm unable to hate Ben? Thing is Ben never personally did anything to me and I don't know exactly why Kyle wants his head on a platter. Kyle's still FRIENDS with a girl I hate but I don't focus on that. I don't even talk to Ben anymore.
Thornton Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 So he's having a go at you because you had sex with someone else, but he also had sex with someone else? He needs to stop being so childish.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Tell Kyle to be a man, and deal with it, or youre though. Thats the only way he will try to get over it. If he doesnt, youre doomed anyway. He doesnt want to get over it. You shouldnt be with him anyway, you left him for the other guy, and youre probably not in love with him now. The next guy that comes along you probably will leave him for, so lave him alone and let him move on. I know I wouldnt trust you.
Author Ashurii Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Tell Kyle to be a man, and deal with it, or youre though. Thats the only way he will try to get over it. If he doesnt, youre doomed anyway. He doesnt want to get over it. You shouldnt be with him anyway, you left him for the other guy, and youre probably not in love with him now. The next guy that comes along you probably will leave him for, so lave him alone and let him move on. I know I wouldnt trust you. Ah, I didn't leave him. He left me, then half a year later was when Ben visited. I did love him then, and I love him now, except more. We were lightly discussing moving in together but...well. yeah.
boldjack Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I don't think that any of you are mature enough for a LTR. You say that Kyle left, but you realized that you had feelings for Ben before that, according to your post.
Author Ashurii Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I don't think that any of you are mature enough for a LTR. You say that Kyle left, but you realized that you had feelings for Ben before that, according to your post. Correct, except I went about it in a stupid way. I tried to put out my feelings for Ben while keeping his friendship.
boldjack Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Okay, If you want to make it with Kyle, you must end ALL contact with Ben. Period. Kyle will never trust you with Ben as your friend.
redant Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I absolutely love that painting boldjack. I think I saw it in the MET. Not positive though.
Author Ashurii Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I have ended all contact with Ben. Even if he doesn't want to try at least we're still friends. It would hurt more to just have him poof off again..
Recommended Posts