NopeNah Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Don't call,text,email,meet,send pics,ask friends/family about them, block their face book/myspace. Do not return any of the before mentioned if they try to make contact. NC is just that..NO CONTACT in any form or fashion! You have fallen off the face of the planet as far as they're concerned..You no longer exist in their lives!
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 OKay, thanks. When men act that way do they ever try to contact the woman they broke it off with? Like is he seeking more attention from me? Im REAL confused.
NopeNah Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 OKay, thanks. When men act that way do they ever try to contact the woman they broke it off with? Like is he seeking more attention from me? Im REAL confused. After he left you.. YOU need to go NC! Don't consume your days thinking about what he's thinking/doing and why he's doing it. NC is NOT to get your ex back. It's to heal yourself, the only person that matters from your past relationship. There's a chance he will try to contact you.. What you do with that is up to you. That's why NC from your side is crucial! Do a search for a member here named: caliguy Read the two links in his sig.
NopeNah Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Also..NO he's not seeking more attention from you, if he broke up with you.. otherwise he wouldn't have left..not trying to be mean..just sayin'.
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I read the link. I understand about what you're saying. Shouldnt we be returning our things back to each other? its only been 4 days, this is fresh and I have made it 24 hours without contacting him btw.
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 his texts just say like, youre wasting time with me, you dont love me..etc...pity-ish thats y i wonder if he is trying to test me or get me to prove something.
carhill Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Those texts are a mind-f*ck. People manipulate with words. Unless your things are vital to your survival, leave them. Things can be replaced. I doubt he will get rid of them, because, in doing so, he loses power. Read the threads in my signature line and welcome to LS
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I read the guide , laughed ...you're good. Do you suggest I take his things and leave them by his door tomorrow while he is at work? He loved me saturday..it was over sunday....Im VERY confused. Maybe he has mental illness or something.
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 He has four of my fav movies and I think that is all. I dont want them back, i decided that today...ironically one of them is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. we watched it together after our first date. this is so f ed up.
carhill Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 IMO, have a neutral party return his stuff to him personally, so there's no ambiguity. As far as your movies, consider them a gift to him I gave my wife a house and all our furniture. Nice gift. I'm back to 1980's stuff but at least I'm not sitting on apple crates. The important thing is not to interact with him in any way. This is not mean. Do not focus anger. Instead, experience the pain. You need to for healing. Do this for one month and see how you feel. If still in pain, do one month more. It's a process
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Im not even mad at him, I would take him back this moment, no questions asked. I love him. SO I will leave him alone, its been 24 hours since he told me goodnight in text...which is weird why do ttyl and goodnight in texts if you broke up with me. And why cant he face me and call and say hey...this is y blah blah blah. Not that it matters but its insulting to me that he loves me so much more than anyone before and he knows this is forever LAST WEEK...he is no mack daddy...its not anther woman. Something is wrong. I know I sound like I am in denial, cuz well I do sound like that ...but I know he must be dealing with something else. Have not spoke a word since saturday night and those words were i love you! holy cow, this is gonna be hard...if I werent here typing this I'd be on my front porch wreckless with my cell phone.
carhill Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I'll make it real basic. When he has sex with you, your brain chemistry creates chemicals which bond you to him. This bond can exist even if he were to abuse or even harm you. It's a chemical bond. This is why men try to have sex with women as quickly as possible, both to mark them as well as to bond the female to them. Then, with periodic sex, the bond is maintained and the female feels this natural affinity for the male, even when he exhibits aberrant, disrespectful or otherwise unhealthy behaviors. How many times have you seen men use sex and 'sweet talk' to get a woman 'back'? There's a reason for that; it's re-visiting that initial brain chemistry bond. I call it the "Cheer's effect". Lastly, when a man speaks negative words, believe him. When his actions are negative, even if his words are positive, believe his actions. His actions never lie. Breaking up with you is not a lie. It's his truth. It's not yet your truth. He's ahead of you in that regard. Eventually, you'll want to accept that, if you want to be healthy. Will you get back together? Unknown. That's not today's issue. Good luck!
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 lol,I have taken time to think about this rationally....and Im not THAT nice. I have done this mans laundry, cooked for him...fixed his sexual problems..been his friend, accepted him unconditionally and a month ago he said after work "hey Im coming over and Im hungry" I said well me too but im out of money right now til payday and we are just scrapping by over here...my kids are fed, however im starving. And you know what the douche said? "I will pick up something, but Im eating it on my way over so IM not RUDE and eating in front of you!" Yes he did that. The man that 'loves' me did that. I called him out on this on sunday and he DUMPS ME, no F**king way. I dont want him back, his problems are not mine. He will get in return what he gives out...what a useless pos. I am feeling slightly better now but only now I have the urge to text or call and say F YOU JERK!
lilmrcheerful Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 babsluvsyou, I just wanted to say from experience you MUST initiate NC as described by those already posted about what NC is. I made a big mistake on my part and I am semi-suffering a bit for the troubles! Not a bad suffering, but just really delayed my healing process for 7 months instead of keeping to NC I allowed her to enter my life again as "just friends" and it really doesn't work because almost every single time the past is brought up especially if the dumper sets themselves in their "comfort" zone with you again and accidently lets something slip that makes it sound like they've done nothing wrong when in fact they were the cause of all the problems in the first place but they just think that because you've started talking to them again on a friendly basis that you've forgiven them..oh no no no, not at all. Remember this: in the end, people may forget what was said, people may forget what they did, put people will never forget how they made them feel.... You need time to heal and move on.. Don't ever accept an ex back, not even as a friend, it never works unless under exceptional circumstances, eg, when children are involved.
lilmrcheerful Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I just thought I will add that I have initiated NC again and this time I am most certainly going to stick with it, I am really adamant. From the time she contacted me again, I felt nothing but hurt, sadness, anxiety, resentful and stressed. Although I was friendly with her, my heart was never in it and she soon realised that the friendship was never the same, for example, when she text me I gave her half hearted responses and I also delayed them for days sometimes, my heart was just never in it and this didn't give me a chance to heal whatsoever. So in essence, my "real" healing has now commenced a few weeks ago when I resumed NC after saying to her that it just wasn't working It "finally" feels good and I don't feel that anxiety anymore, anxious about what she was going to text me next or how brilliant her day has been and what she was up to, I just wasn't interested and I become increasingly upset by it, so it's VERY important you initiate NC and stick with it. Good luck.
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I made it thru 24 hours of no contact! Im proud of myself. He does NOT care anyway about me but I care about me. Someone has to lol my better half is not a coward who cant communicate. He is NOT my better anything, if he was I wouldnt be here. I catch on quickly. I just need to let go of the emotional crap. Good luck on your no contact rule!
Author babsluvsyou Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 I also wanna say this, since I exposed myself to him and let him handle me how he thought he should and he did this....its enough..its over. I dont like it, but he crunched me under his feet. That is not love. He dont deserve another of my words.
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