colosseum Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 HYPOTHETICALLY: You and DATE X have a couple of dates, and have a great connection. You've kissed once. You haven't had any in a long time, and you want sex. You're not ready for marriage. The catch? DATE X doesn't want sex before marriage, and she's firm on that. What would you do? Stick around since she makes you happy or cut your losses and move on since you know it's not going to happen and you're not getting married any time soon?
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I stayed with him [yes, HIM] for 3 years. I stayed 100% faithful. He dumped me, I went out on a sex bender to make up for lost time. I wouldn't recommend waiting. You could be waiting for years.
Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 It depends on what is more important to you. How much do you like this girl? Enough to sacrifice sex for however long? Even if you were ready for marriage, you haven't known her long enough to determine if she is marriage material or even the one for you. You just have to choose which is more important. Would you be willing to wait? Edit: Okay, sorry I just realized you stated hypothetically in your post. But in any case that is my opinion.
sxyNYCcpl Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 In my experience, and in my opinion, people who make such a big deal out of depriving themselves (and by extension, their partners) of sex for arbitrary and pointless reasons will continue being fairly sexually repressed even after marriage. If that works for you, go for it.
Enema Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 "I'm waiting for marr---" Didn't hear the rest as I had already left.
Stark Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 In my experience, and in my opinion, people who make such a big deal out of depriving themselves (and by extension, their partners) of sex for arbitrary and pointless reasons will continue being fairly sexually repressed even after marriage. If that works for you, go for it. Untrue in a way. If you are talking about partners, it depends on the time frame of how long we are talking. If we're not talking about (potential serious) partners, then definetely untrue. I and other people out there won't have sex for the sake of sex, yet when I am with someone I truly like I easily can do it 3+ times a day, it may be pointless to you if you enjoy sex for sex, but for others it's not
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 In my experience, and in my opinion, people who make such a big deal out of depriving themselves (and by extension, their partners) of sex for arbitrary and pointless reasons will continue being fairly sexually repressed even after marriage. If that works for you, go for it. You must not have much experience. Most people who wait do so for religious reasons. I have several mormon friends who waited... and they are all like bunnies. One has been married 6 years and is on child 7... . On the other hand... my Exw was really promiscuous... and as soon as we got married.... Nothing! This is all about 1. How she views sex, and 2. How attracted she is to you!
D-Lish Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I would shake their hand and say "nice to meet you"... then leave them in a cloud of dust.
Sam Spade Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 HYPOTHETICALLY: You and DATE X have a couple of dates, and have a great connection. You've kissed once. You haven't had any in a long time, and you want sex. You're not ready for marriage. The catch? DATE X doesn't want sex before marriage, and she's firm on that. What would you do? Stick around since she makes you happy or cut your losses and move on since you know it's not going to happen and you're not getting married any time soon? THere is simply no way that I could have a 'great connection' with somebody who doesn't believe in sex before marriage (for real), so, no problem .
Sam Spade Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 My girlfriend is the best of both worlds: she's somewhat religious and feels an occasional anxiety about having sex, but at the same time she's developing geniune interest in sex. Oh, this is oh so cute :love::love:. Pardon my ragin boner, please .
MusicChick24 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I say wait. The relationship SHOULD matter more than the sex. I say should because I feel that way but you may not and others may not. My boyfriend told me from the beginning of our relationship he was firm on waiting till marriage or atleast engagement to have sex. Five years later, hear I am, and we are still holding firm to that commitment. However may I add on that note before you think my BF isn't really a man if he would barricade himself from sex for such a long time. It would also depend on that persons view of sex. My bf and are only strict about not having intercourse but all foreplay is fair game. That's enough to make him happy until he can put a ring on it. = )
BentSpine Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 In my experience, and in my opinion, people who make such a big deal out of depriving themselves (and by extension, their partners) of sex for arbitrary and pointless reasons will continue being fairly sexually repressed even after marriage. If that works for you, go for it.I second this. In an environment where there's no stigma attached to premarital sex, only the repressed ones are waiting until marriage.
EddieN Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 "I'm waiting for marr---" Didn't hear the rest as I had already left. I would shake their hand and say "nice to meet you"... then leave them in a cloud of dust. Damn straight, both of ya!
claire0917 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Dump her because you can't have sex with her?? What kind of relationship is that? That's being selfish. In a good relationship, one seeks the highest good of his/her partner even if it requires sacrifice. Call her deprived or repressed, but you just have to respect her belief. If you can't then I guess you're not a good partner. I say wait!
EddieN Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Dump her because you can't have sex with her?? What kind of relationship is that? That's being selfish. In a good relationship, one seeks the highest good of his/her partner even if it requires sacrifice. Call her deprived or repressed, but you just have to respect her belief. If you can't then I guess you're not a good partner. I say wait! This is the 21st century. The religious reasons for not having sex before marriage once had merit, but then contraception and legalized abortion came along and made those reasons obsolete. Anyone who still believes in no sex before marriage is living in the past and is brainwashed by traditions and morals that no longer have any significance in our culture.
malcom5 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Life is entirely too short for that and there are way too many women in the world to spend who knows how long without getting laid. That's just setting yourself up for the most extreme case of blue balls. I'd personally run the other way as fast as I could, but if you decide to stick it out, you've got some hard times ahead of you that's for sure.
lilly83 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 If you really like and care about the person and know that you could be 100% faithfull to them then you should give it a go. If you dont feel that you could wait, give them the respect that they deserve and be honest faithful then you should not go there.
prettybaby Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I would have been okay with waiting when I was 18 or so, because it felt like I had the rest of my life to have all the sex I'd want. However, I'm 26 now, and even though that's still young, I now realize how fast time flies. If someone was to tell me he'd rather wait for marriage to have sex, I'd drop him so fast! I don't see any logical reason for holding out on purpose like that, it's stupid and pointless. I can understand not having sex right away because you first want to get to know the person well enough and make sure that the relationship is indeed going somewhere, but once you've got that figured out, what's the point in waiting? I'd say: don't waste your time. Especially if you're not planning to get married any time soon; this girl will basically be a total waste of time and energy. Unless of course you feel like she's your perfect match and you won't find anyone better in this world, then by all means, feel free to wait as she wishes.
utterer of lies Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Unless of course you feel like she's your perfect match and you won't find anyone better in this world, then by all means, feel free to wait as she wishes. Haha, in this case he should drop her especially fast, as the pain and bitterness when the inevitable happens will be even worse.
jadalewis Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 If i were that girl i wouldn't wait for a long time. Cuz if i start dating it means i like that man and i wish him, so why should we both fool ourselves and linger relationships which don't mean sex or marriage.
Author colosseum Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 So this is the OP, and the case that compelled the "hypothetical" situation is moot. In a surprising turn of events, she said that she just needed to focus on her life right now and isn't ready for any relationships with anyone. Mind you, I shouldn't have expected anything less coming from a girl who has never had a boyfriend before. So ultimately she made my decision for me, haha! Strangely, it still feels kind of crummy. ... Oh well, at least I won't have that drama around, right?
bac Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She just want to get married. My advice that you get married her. Life without sex is a waste. Do not have kids during the begining of marriage. Then you can always divorce if it does not work out well. I know one couple like this. She was a virgin. They got married and it is fine bacause there is love. Even later, it turned out that she has genital herpes but he does not have it.
MusicChick24 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She just want to get married. My advice that you get married her. Life without sex is a waste. Do not have kids during the begining of marriage. Then you can always divorce if it does not work out well. I know one couple like this. She was a virgin. They got married and it is fine bacause there is love. Even later, it turned out that she has genital herpes but he does not have it. I'm sorry but I think your advice is very backwards. You would actually marry someone you barely know JUST to have sex with them? And then divorce if it doesn't work out well? Wow...
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 What would you do? Stick around since she makes you happy or cut your losses and move on since you know it's not going to happen and you're not getting married any time soon? "You are a wonderful person and we have a great connection, but we're on different pages when it comes to sex. Sex, to me, is profoundly important in a relationship, actually it's #1. But obviously you don't see it that way. I sincerely hope you find what you're looking for, but it's clear that I'm not the one."
Recommended Posts