jules-marie Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 almost a year ago on a college trip i met a wonderful man named chris. at the time i was in an emotionally and at times phsically abusive relationship. me and chris hit it off and kissed one night. we called things off with our significant others and began see each other. we were never an official couple as i had my reservations due to the volatile relationship i just emerged from and though it'd be insensitive to his ex. it wasnt an issue- we acted as though we were together and i fell madly in love. he was sweet, kind and always mademe laugh. around 4 months into our relationship a personal crisis initiated a bout of depression. he became a different person. he was down alot, aggressive and kept cancelling plans. he pushed me away and was very insensitive at times. all i cared about was him getting better so i was as understanding as could be. at this stage i was very much ready for an 'official' relationship which he had been pushing but he said he wasnt emotionally capable. we'd planned to go traveling with his friends after uni and he told me he'd rather i didnt join them, he has to do it alone. i gave him space, didnt get angry when he cancelled and tryed my best to cheer him up on a daily basis. it got worse though and i didnt see him for an entire month except for one day where i had to basically beg to see him because i wanted to give him his birthday present. a week later i revealed how hard it was, how unloved i felt etc he ended things. i was devestated and convinced him to give it another go. he said he was happy he stayed, but for another month it was the same behaviour. he was distant and somewhat cold with me at gatherings and at times went off to parties he'd invited me too without me and then act all confused and put everything down to 'misunderstanging.'. i put him before myself alot. he ended things a week before our finals and i was devesated once again but his decision was final. he still text sweet texts and hugged me alot when i did see him which confised me. two months later we went away on a group sunholiday for a fortnight. i kissed a mutual friend and this really upset chris. i told chris i still had feelings for him and i cared about him more than anyone. we acted like a couple for the rest of the holiday, slept together, held hands,etc etc. then we get home, he brings up the kiss again. hes furious. couldnt believ i'd do it ot him after the year we had. this made me very low. i had alot of guilt and the pressure of the whole year just came tumbling down on me. i was beginning to feel depressed and suicidal. i confided in him and he apologised for making things so hard, that he loves me and wishes we could be togther and thinks we will be some day. i then heard he'd been on a date with a girl two days later. i knew onthe holiday he had been texting this same girl and possibly slept with her before our trip. i confronted him and he accused me of being irrational and that it was just something casual. ive eased contact since that convo a month ago. a week ago he emailed sour comments about friends drifiting. i began texting and was delighted to hear he was getting alot better-no more counselling or antidepressants. i was delighted for him and hopeful for us. then a couple of nights ago, we were all on a night out which he invited me to. well, his new girlfriend was there, same girl i'd heard about. they held hands, kissed and cuddled in front of me for the entire night. i kept my cool and just enjoyed the night. but in reality im absolutely devestated. was everything he told me a lie. how could he move on so quickly. feels like he never cared. and i just feel so hard done by. im in a state of shock.
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