struckby Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have gone on two dates with this girl. We have kissed and have been someone intimate and have both talked about doing things together in the future. Here is what concerns me..She never texts or calls me first, BUT always responds to texts and answers my calls. However, today and yesterday she seemed really distant in texts. She responded quickly but didn't really ask me anything back..but kept responding. Her messages were also short. I texted her saying that I'll stop bothering her and get back to her tomorrow when I leave to pick her up since we have a date for tomorrow afternoon/night. She responded saying that that sounded good but didn't comment on if I was bothering her or not. Is she losing interest? I am really confused about this! Also, is there a way I can ask her if she is losing interest or of there is a problem or something? Thanks
kizik Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I was in a similar situation recently - I was always the first to text and call. She'd respond, but never initiated contact. Turned out she had recently broken up w/ her boyfriend and was rebounding with me. Now, I'm not saying your girl is hung up on another dude, but she sounds distracted. Moreover, it sounds like she enjoys the attention you give her, but doesn't like you very much. There's only one way to find out - stop contacting her completely, and see if she calls YOU.
pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I think women like the men to be the pursuers at the very beginning of dating. Once a mutual liking is established, the she should start initiating more contact!
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Yep, after the next date, slack off a lil and see if she misses you enough to text you. if she doesnt, you need to have a talk with her. I would leave her alone if she doesnt have a good reason for being distant.
claire0917 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 It's hard to interpret her response since we don't know what's going on in her life. She could be distracted, worried about something, etc etc... I tried interpreting people's responses and most (if not, all) of the time , I'm wrong. So don't waste your time figuring out what's in her mind. Try being honest to her w/ how you feel. Tell her that you feel she's being distant, then ask her if something's wrong. Don't assume anything! Good luck and God bless!
lilly83 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She could have just been busy doing other things and did not want to be rude by ignoring you but because she was busy her mind was not 100% on the conversation. She may also feel uncomftable if you have been contacting her everyday and also may feel that you are being clingy. Women like to be chased and like it when a man initates the contact but they can get a bit scared and find it too much when a guy contacts them all the time. I say leave it a day and then contact her again. A call or message every other day is plenty of contact, especially in such early stages in the dating/relationship. Also by leaving it a day before contacting her again may make her think mmm, maybe I should contact him. Dont go jumping to conclusions yet, give it another chance and see how she is on the next day. Also after the nxt date dont contact her for 2 days unless she contacts you first. If she likes you and is interested and feels that there is not enough contact she will soon be in touch!
jadalewis Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 If you had only two dates that girl probably was hezitating as for future ones. Maybe she is not confident she wishes to continue and doesn't know how to say it to you without offending you. Or she is really busy and just couldn't talk to you.
AlektraClementine Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Texting is a HORRIBLE way to determine someone's interest level and I wish folks would just stop belaboring this point to death. Face to face interaction is how you can best tell a person's interest. In my relationship, from the very beginning, he has been the text initiator. Maybe that's in part due to the flexibility of his schedule vs mine. Maybe that's because it doesn't occur to me to text all the freaking time. IDK, but my text response was NEVER an indicator of my feelings. Geesh.
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Hard to tell - and AlektraClementine is right, texting is a confusing way to communicate because it's so open to misinterpretation - but the sense I get is that she wants you to chase her. Don't. Just don't. Now, I wouldn't suggest, as some others have done, of just cutting off contact with her. At least give her a chance to respond. Next time you're in contact with her, end the conversation so it puts the onus on her to contact you. "Nice to chat with you. I'll wait to hear from you," or something similar. That puts the ball squarely in her court. She may or may not contact you, but this does two things: It tells her that communication between you is a two-way street, and you cannot be expected to ALWAYS initiate contact ALL the time If doesn't contact you, then she's either getting you to try and chase her (bad, bad idea) or she's got other things going on in her life and you're not a big priority. Good luck.
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