Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 An apology is in order to White Flower and Fooled Once.... you were not BS after all.... just man hating women who were once burned when fooling around with a MM.... it's all clear now. Believe it or not... even with my CONDESCENDING attitude... I plan to treat my MW very well... and allow her the freedom to be herself. She was a very devoted wife for many years but for the most part, kept in a box due to her husbands alcoholism. He controlled everything. That's not how I roll. I appreciate what she is... who she is... and what she can become. Hopefully, I can come back later and talk about my success. If I'm wrong, I'm more than willing to man up and come here and admit as much.... and allow all of you to heap burning coals on my head!!!
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 exhibit A. another whining loser. What are you doing on the OM/OW board anyway? Some of you whining BS need to be kicked. I agree... pathetic isn't it? People..if you have nothing good to say.. stay out of the thread..
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Don't you wish this was true. I'm just interested in what makes people tick. Otherwise I wouldn't be on this forum gathering opinions. There's a lot of talk... but talk is cheap. There are winners and losers in every situation. I feel like I'm winning because I'm getting the woman of my dreams. The losers spend their time whining and moralizing about their misfortunes. That's really the bottom line. Big time winner. :bunny::bunny:And the prize izzzzz........
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ]An apology is in order to White Flower and Fooled Once.... you were not BS after all.... just man hating women who were once burned when fooling around with a MM.... it's all clear now.[/b] Well, it appears that the ones named really weren't the defensive ones. I must admit I have never had the feeling that either of the people (WF or FO hated men at any point. Nothing about either person is clear to you at all. You're obviously not as secure in your relationship as you proclaim. Believe it or not... even with my CONDESCENDING attitude... I plan to treat my MW very well... and allow her the freedom to be herself. She was a very devoted wife for many years but for the most part, kept in a box due to her husbands alcoholism. He controlled everything. That's not how I roll. I appreciate what she is... who she is... and what she can become. I would think it would take someone much like her to appreciate her more, ummmm admirable qualities. You know the who and what she is and certainly what she can become has yet to be told. Hopefully, I can come back later and talk about my success. If I'm wrong, I'm more than willing to man up and come here and admit as much.... and allow all of you to heap burning coals on my head!!! Hope is a profound thing. It is having faith in something that hasn't been seen. It is a good thing, as long as the hope is placed in the right thing. And as far a maning up, well you know.
tami-chan Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 SpiralingDownward, nobody wants to see someone they deemed has done something wrong, happy...or someone who actually ended up with the OP and not sorry about s/he got there. When people are unhappy they do not want to see anyone happy...misery loves company , after all. I would just be careful with the MW's BS...desperate people do desperate things....plus with the alcohol...I don't know how clear his thinking is.
Reggie Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 And your main concern is trying to hurt someone who can to this forum for SUPPORT. That makes you the FLY ON THE S*** OF HIS SHOE. GEL[/QUOT Support? You're joking, right? The guy did the right thing. Why feed his cheating wife's ego and risk getting hurt or going to jail over this?
lkjh Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 You just want to believe that him not fighting you means he doesn't want his wife. You want to believe this because that means what you are doing isn't all that bad. The truth is, not all guys want to fight. If it was me I would have kick the s*** out of you. I would have fought you even if I didn't love her just because you are the douche trying to take a married woman. But, there are a lot of guys that dont fight or blame the OM. Sounds like he blames her not you. BE careful though, he will want revenge and apparently he doesn't use confrontation as his form. He seems like the kind of guy that gets even. Give it time, your actions will catch up with you.
pkn06002 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Oh I so love the tough talk from BS's it is just so entertaining. You have no idea how the OP is or what they are capable of doing. In most cases the AP knows more about you than you know about them. If you think you can just use you "righteous" anger to win, your foolish. Those of you (BS's) that think you would "kick their ass" you sound like a 15 year old, grow up. Reggie has the right attitude why go to jail or escalate the situation. For everything a BS can do to escalate a AP can do as well. It just becomes a bad spiraling situation. BS's just need to deal with their WS and be done with it.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 You just want to believe that him not fighting you means he doesn't want his wife. You want to believe this because that means what you are doing isn't all that bad. The truth is, not all guys want to fight. If it was me I would have kick the s*** out of you. I would have fought you even if I didn't love her just because you are the douche trying to take a married woman. But, there are a lot of guys that dont fight or blame the OM. Sounds like he blames her not you. BE careful though, he will want revenge and apparently he doesn't use confrontation as his form. He seems like the kind of guy that gets even. Give it time, your actions will catch up with you. Trust me, I wasn't looking for a fight.... but he didn't say stay away from his wife, get lost loser or nothing.... that's my point, what am I to think? When I was working my way back in with my now-ex.... she drug me to a party where we knew her latest OM was going to be at. I realize now that this was quite disrespectful of her. That event, plus other things led me to decide to break from her. Anyway, the gameplan was to just ignore the former OM.... the plan was working fine... later in the evening though, the OM got up from his side of the room and walked over to my now-ex, put his hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear.... that's when I went balistic. My mind filled with rage as I charged into the OM.... the only thing I wanted to do was tear him apart. And I certainly was telling him to get away from my wife. This was not a premeditated act either.... just an act of passion. This is the story I refered to earlier in this thread... so yes, I do know what OMs are capable of... been there, done that. With my MW's husband, I didn't see any of this... nada. His only goal was to try to control the situation as he always had... by controlling his wife.
Spark1111 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I would guess he is no longer in love with his wife and is ready to move on, or has moved on emotionally. A friend whose wife is a serial cheater and has spent the last 10 years trying to put his marriage back together, finally threw in the towel. He filed divorce papers after hiring a PI to follow her. He then went to the OM's house and the guy was a nervous wreck, claiming he had three children upstairs, but he would meet him around the corner at a local park. Upon his arrival, the OM said to my friend, "Go on, take a swing," and was dumbfounded when my friend refused. My friend responded, "Hit you? You think I want to hit you? I just wanted to see her LAST OM to see what she is giving 25 years of marriage up for, that's all." Some marriages end with a BANG, some a whimper. It seems hers just ended with a whimper. Good luck to you, if you choose to have a future together.
herenow Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Forgive me, but I don't understand the need for you to know what the BS is thinking. Or the need for you to understand why he handled the situation like he did. It seems like he handled it in a way that makes things easier for you. IMO, you and his wife should move on and leave the BS to move on with his life as well. I hink that wondering about the BS is a waste of your time. How will the answer to your question help you or your relationship with the MW?
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Forgive me, but I don't understand the need for you to know what the BS is thinking. Or the need for you to understand why he handled the situation like he did. It seems like he handled it in a way that makes things easier for you. IMO, you and his wife should move on and leave the BS to move on with his life as well. I hink that wondering about the BS is a waste of your time. How will the answer to your question help you or your relationship with the MW? I would rather not have anything to do with him... but he will be around because of the kids... so I have to get a read on him to a certain extent. I'm not forcing any contact or trying to provoke him over and beyond stealing his wife... and just to be clear... she pursued me as much or more than I pursued her...
Owl Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 especially men who have straying wives.... There seems to be a lot of tough talk about what they would do to the other man if they confronted him.... When my MW's husband discovered us one day having a beer in a tavern... he barely said boo to me... said something about me "not being worth it" and maintained about 15 feet between him and myself (I was standing closer to him than MW was.) He spent the majority of the time berating my MW... I have to say, I didn't know what was going to happen... was trying to get a read on the situation since he suprised us... The whole episode lasted less than 5 minutes.... I figured he went back outside to lock and load... but he was nowhere to be seen. We continued with our day together and I got her home that evening. Nothing more from him. what am I to make of his actions? he hasn't contacted me since.... it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? and this is from my MW.... but she claimed that he didn't pay attention to her for years... just loved his bottle. He only got interested in being dad of the year and a attentive husband when he highly suspected she was seeing someone. What do you think? You've got me baffled on this one, SD. What do YOU think he should have done? If he HAD confronted you...everyone would have thought he was acting like a caveman. Regardless of who "won"... If he had tried to pull her out of there...same thing. Had he gone outside and "locked and loaded"...he would have lost EVERYTHING...including his freedom. How do YOU think he should have "fought for his marriage"??? I was in his shoes once. On d-day, my wife was scared to death that I would go after OM. She begged him to be careful...he laughed it off. He knew I was a martial artist...he figured I'd show up at his house to fight him or something. My wife knew me far better than that..if I'd shown up at his house, it would have been lethal...from a distance. You don't fight "threats"...you remove them. But I faced the same thought...if I did so...I lost EVERYTHING. My kids, any chance at being with my wife, my freedom. It WASN'T "worth it". Fighting him would have solved NOTHING, regardless of which way it turned out. Talking with him was a useless concept. So instead I focused on trying to save my marriage by interacting with my wife instead. What do YOU think her H should have done when he met with you? Do YOU see a "win" for him out of that situation?
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 You've got me baffled on this one, SD. What do YOU think he should have done? If he HAD confronted you...everyone would have thought he was acting like a caveman. Regardless of who "won"... If he had tried to pull her out of there...same thing. Had he gone outside and "locked and loaded"...he would have lost EVERYTHING...including his freedom. How do YOU think he should have "fought for his marriage"??? I was in his shoes once. On d-day, my wife was scared to death that I would go after OM. She begged him to be careful...he laughed it off. He knew I was a martial artist...he figured I'd show up at his house to fight him or something. My wife knew me far better than that..if I'd shown up at his house, it would have been lethal...from a distance. You don't fight "threats"...you remove them. But I faced the same thought...if I did so...I lost EVERYTHING. My kids, any chance at being with my wife, my freedom. It WASN'T "worth it". Fighting him would have solved NOTHING, regardless of which way it turned out. Talking with him was a useless concept. So instead I focused on trying to save my marriage by interacting with my wife instead. What do YOU think her H should have done when he met with you? Do YOU see a "win" for him out of that situation? Well, he did track us down at the bar... so I assume he wanted something. Yes, I've been expecting him to confront me in some manner... but when the opportunity arose, it turned out to be a dull roar. I think it would have been normal for him to tell me to stay away from his wife and attempt to get her to leave the bar... that simply did not happen. In my mind, I was trying to be prepared for anything.... can't say that I really was, but nothing happened and that really suprised me.
Owl Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 But again...what do you think he SHOULD have done? What do you think you would have done had the tables been turned?
LakesideDream Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 You've got me baffled on this one, SD. What do YOU think he should have done? He knew I was a martial artist...he figured I'd show up at his house to fight him or something. My wife knew me far better than that..if I'd shown up at his house, it would have been lethal...from a distance. You don't fight "threats"...you remove them. Owl, most people just don't understand the above. Like yours, my now ex wife knew that if I became "unhinged" there would have been nothing either of them could have done. My adult son still teases the guy asking him what's it's like "always looking over your shoulder" which always gets a rise, although it's a silly concept. Unlike you, for me there was nothing to "salvage" or work on. I understood that the time had come. I was tired. It wasn't easy but it had to be. I gave the woman 25 years of my life. Giving her the rest of it, for a minute or two of violence against her OM, or her would have been the worst decision possible. It was so absurd, it never entered my mind.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 But again...what do you think he SHOULD have done? What do you think you would have done had the tables been turned? I think I explainded what I thought he should have done... and if I would have gone to the trouble of tracking my wife and the OM down... I'm sure I would have been a bit more caveman about it... Of course, I was the BS at one time and I kept tabs on the OM from a distance... watched him rather closely... I didn't act until he approached my now-ex wife in my plain sight.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Owl, most people just don't understand the above. Like yours, my now ex wife knew that if I became "unhinged" there would have been nothing either of them could have done. My adult son still teases the guy asking him what's it's like "always looking over your shoulder" which always gets a rise, although it's a silly concept. Unlike you, for me there was nothing to "salvage" or work on. I understood that the time had come. I was tired. It wasn't easy but it had to be. I gave the woman 25 years of my life. Giving her the rest of it, for a minute or two of violence against her OM, or her would have been the worst decision possible. It was so absurd, it never entered my mind. I'm sorry, but I get a chuckle out of you tough martial arts types. BFD, can you stare down a bullet?
LakesideDream Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I think I explainded what I thought he should have done... and if I would have gone to the trouble of tracking my wife and the OM down... I'm sure I would have been a bit more caveman about it... Of course, I was the BS at one time and I kept tabs on the OM from a distance... watched him rather closely... I didn't act until he approached my now-ex wife in my plain sight. SD, I never felt like a "BS". I was just tired. Is part of the problem that you feel betrayed? All I felt then, and to an insignifigant amount now is bitter for giving away my youth, health, and a quarter century of time to an ungreatful spouse.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 SD, I never felt like a "BS". I was just tired. Is part of the problem that you feel betrayed? All I felt then, and to an insignifigant amount now is bitter for giving away my youth, health, and a quarter century of time to an ungreatful spouse. heck yes, I felt betrayed... but then later I realized that my ex wasn't worth it. I generally don't look back... I try to learn from the past and move on...
LakesideDream Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I'm sorry, but I get a chuckle out of you tough martial arts types. BFD, can you stare down a bullet? SD, I'm hardly a "martial arts" type at my age. I wasn't at 50+ when it happened either. I am however a graduate of the USMC sniper school, abet many decades ago. In my case sits a thirty five year old Kate long unused. It doesen't take much to lube her up. Everybody involved knew this too. The idea is a silly one. Once unleashed there is no turning back. No relationship is worth giving away your life.
carhill Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 It's kinda interesting that the two posters here who have actually either killed people or pursued the killing of people professionally (as military personnel) advocate non-violence. Very telling. It's one thing to make noises about violence and death and another to actually experience it; smell it; taste it. I hope I never do until it comes time to die naturally.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 SD, I'm hardly a "martial arts" type at my age. I wasn't at 50+ when it happened either. I am however a graduate of the USMC sniper school, abet many decades ago. In my case sits a thirty five year old Kate long unused. It doesen't take much to lube her up. Everybody involved knew this too. The idea is a silly one. Once unleashed there is no turning back. No relationship is worth giving away your life. I certainly agree. I wasn't trying to gun down the OM in my situation either... Marine, huh? Army here... I think you and I should just go have a beer together.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 especially men who have straying wives.... There seems to be a lot of tough talk about what they would do to the other man if they confronted him.... nah, never once crossed my mind. only time I'd want to rip him to shreds is if he hurt my kids. besides, I don't need to do anything to him. getting my xW is punishment enough. He is finding this out, and in turn she is finding out he is her punishment too. best part is, I didn't have to do a thing although I did confront him because he called me trying to intimidate me. stbXW gave him my number and called me out of the blue. up til that point I didn't give a rats butt to talk to either of them. So I met him in person as I don't take kindly to idle threats over the phone. much different than the tough guy I talked to on the phone. In that meeting I told him he did me a favor and because of that, I am eternally in debt to him....but that I would not ever pay that debt:lmao: what am I to make of his actions? he hasn't contacted me since.... it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? what does fighting with you have to do with fighting for his marriage? seems that you get off on this. but she claimed that he didn't pay attention to her for years... just loved his bottle. He only got interested in being dad of the year and a attentive husband when he highly suspected she was seeing someone. What do you think? I think you have a perception of power over a BH and you like it.
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