Athena Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I really don't care anything about him, why would I? Oh.. are you insulting my woman? I might have to kick your azz... :bunny:
Owl Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The bottom line is MOST do not. The question was asked...how do YOU know? You mentioned research...sweet...a subject I know well. How did you conduct your research? What were your reference materials? What did you do to verify the impartiality of the researchers, and those writing up the results? I'm not arguing with you that it COULD be true...I'm pointing out to you that you threw an OPINION out there as fact...and others aren't buying that. Out of curiousity, since her H has pics of himself with some other woman on the internet...with timestamps...do those timestamps predate or postdate your affair with his wife? Do they predate or postdate his awareness of your affair with her?
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 The question was asked...how do YOU know? You mentioned research...sweet...a subject I know well. How did you conduct your research? What were your reference materials? What did you do to verify the impartiality of the researchers, and those writing up the results? I'm not arguing with you that it COULD be true...I'm pointing out to you that you threw an OPINION out there as fact...and others aren't buying that. Out of curiousity, since her H has pics of himself with some other woman on the internet...with timestamps...do those timestamps predate or postdate your affair with his wife? Do they predate or postdate his awareness of your affair with her? I can't find the exact article I was thinking about... but as an ancedotal defense on my part, I'll give this citation... More husbands of alcoholic women leave their wives than do wives of alcoholic men leave their husbands (Mandel and North, 1982) Now we can get into a game of who has the best research... but the very researchers themselves argue with each other... so asking me for references is kind of pointless. Please remember that I did clarify my position on this when I said that enabling women with children rarely leave their alcoholic husbands. It's generally because they are scared and don't believe they can make it on their own. When the kids are gone... I would assume there is more of a chance of the woman leaving. What is probably agreeable to all sides is that when one spouse is an alcoholic.... the focus of the entire family is on the alcohol (and dealing with the alcoholic.) The relationship between the alcoholic and their spouse or children is secondary to the drinking. I'll keep looking for the article where I got my information. As far as the time stamped photo of BS and his friend... of course it came after my affair with his wife... The thing is, if he would fight to be the custodial parent... he is not doing well for himself by being so out in the open with his "affair"... which it is. I have a male friend who did win custody of his kids in his divorce... so it's not out of the question for a man to win custody.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The thing is, if he would fight to be the custodial parent... he is not doing well for himself by being so out in the open with his "affair"... which it is. what part of infidelity being irrelevent in matters of custody or marital asset division don't you understand? he would lose custody anyway that has nothing to do with an "affair", but everything to do with the fact that he is the father. I have a male friend who did win custody of his kids in his divorce... so it's not out of the question for a man to win custody. no, its not out of the question. He got custody either because the mother was deemed unfit due to some other reason than infidelity...or she gave the children up for whatever reason.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 That's odd. The way you quoted and answered my prior post led me to believe that you did research on whether or not cheaters lie. As for the above statement, we could ALL search and search until we found an article that says what we want to hear. I have no clue on how you got off on that tangent of whether or not cheaters lie... that has been your own fabrication to this thread as I have never said anything about that. Of course cheaters lie. Actually, all humans lie.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 what part of infidelity being irrelevent in matters of custody or marital asset division don't you understand? You are correct about marital asset division... I'm not so sure about custody.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 You are correct about marital asset division... I'm not so sure about custody. well I am. If I could have gotten custody based on my xW's infidelity, you better believe I would have went for it and you better believe my attorney would have advised me so. why wouldn't he? $$$$ he told me "unfortunately, you are the father, and she is the mother. and also unfortunately, infidelity doesn't make her unfit, sorry to say." I told him that I think it makes her unfit, and he agreed, but the courts don't see it that way. They ignore that.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 well I am. If I could have gotten custody based on my xW's infidelity, you better believe I would have went for it and you better believe my attorney would have advised me so. why wouldn't he? $$$$ Many states are no fault states where it doesn't matter if there was infidelity. And the courts usually try to keep as close to the same custody arrangements as they've been used to (ie: if the mom is SAHM she gets the kids the majority of the time). The courts care about the children having a R with both their parents, not socking it to the other parent if one has been betrayed. That's what it's like in my state.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 The courts care about the children having a R with both their parents having lived through it, I can tell you that is complete bulls##t. They only want to APPEAR to care about the R with both parents. And as far as I'm concerned, someone with the morals of a snake raising a child is not in the child's best interest. not socking it to the other parent if one has been betrayed. ya, they only "sock it" to the father, betrayed or not. its like a mother has to almost stab their children with a knife to lose custody. That or be some sort of drug abuser.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 And, let me say it for the HUNDREDTH time, NO! You are WRONG! My BF fought for and WON custody of his son, and that was almost 10 years ago - and in "good ol' boy land" at that! and what was the reason the mother was declared unfit to have custody?
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Only men who don't try hard enough for custody or who had little to no involvement in their children's lives during the M have no chance at custody. oh, and don't you DARE say I have little or no involvement in my children's lives. You can go to hell with that remark. I am the only thing good in their lives and never pass up an opporunity to have them, even when its obvious she doesn't want them around.
Confused4Now Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I have a male friend who did win custody of his kids in his divorce... so it's not out of the question for a man to win custody. Yup....my two boys were over 18 and my 13 year old daughter I won custody because of my abusive wife's nature. We had a couple of 911 incidents which she was the reason for. I ended up with my daughter 80% of the time.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Yup....my two boys were over 18 and my 13 year old daughter I won custody because of my abusive wife's nature. boom, there you go. she was declared unfit because she was an abuser. THAT is why you got custody....if your wife simply had been an adulterer, you wouldn't have gotten custody.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 You have a VERY short memory (not surprising, considering what I've been reading ). Here ya go: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2279972&postcount=69 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2286137&postcount=225 I don't see anywhere where I said cheaters don't lie. That being said, I have no reason to believe that my MW is lying to me in this case. It is you that is assuming she is lying. You are arguing from your own emotional state and painting with a broad brush.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Sorry to break it to ya, but I'm not a BS, so I have no "emotional state." You apparently do, however, judging from the opening post. I just find it SERIOUSLY funny that someone playing with a cheater thinks they are immune to their lying. You sure like to put words in other people's mouths... You are very much controlled by your emotions. Let me make this clear to you.... I've never said that I was immune to any lying by my MW. I have said I have no reason not to believe her. That's a big difference.
herenow Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 So, SD it's seems like everything is going your way. The BS isn't fighting for his wife. Your GF isn't fighting for her marriage. You and she can be together like you want. What's the problem? All I have to say at this point is congratulations. you got the woman of your dreams with very little hassle at all.
donnamaybe Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Boy, was this thread ever mis-named!!! :) Ironic, ain't it?
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 So, SD it's seems like everything is going your way. The BS isn't fighting for his wife. Your GF isn't fighting for her marriage. You and she can be together like you want. What's the problem? All I have to say at this point is congratulations. you got the woman of your dreams with very little hassle at all. Yes... and I probably should quit posting for awhile... post an update later on. I realize I made myself a target in this thread... I guess I like the banter. Fore sure, anyone who posts in this forum is a passionate person... and I might add, somewhat of an activist... so I just see this as a way for everyone to blow off steam.
Author spiraling downward Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Ironic, ain't it? You and Owl need to get a room... LOL!!
Owl Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 You and Owl need to get a room... LOL!! No need...I'm monogamous and happily married! :) :)
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 She wasn't "declared unfit," so if you're looking for some reason to demonize her, sorry. But ONE of them has to win. It was him. sorry, don't buy it. Unless there is something unfit about the mother, the courts aren't going to take away a child from the person who "had" said child. Nice try Are you trying to say that every WOMAN who wins custody wins because the man was "declared unfit?" no, because she is simply the mother and the father really has no rights unless the mother is unfit.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 So, SD it's seems like everything is going your way. The BS isn't fighting for his wife. Your GF isn't fighting for her marriage. You and she can be together like you want. What's the problem? wondering that myself. very good question. he has victory over the BH, so what is it that he is really wanting? The BH didn't dignify SD and turned the other cheek. Not the response SD was hoping for I guess:o
fooled once Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 And, let me say it for the HUNDREDTH time, NO! You are WRONG! My BF fought for and WON custody of his son, and that was almost 10 years ago - and in "good ol' boy land" at that! Only men who don't try hard enough for custody or who had little to no involvement in their children's lives during the M have no chance at custody. Sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree. My H was told he would never get custody UNLESS his wife was proven unfit. He was the one who earned the money, she barely earned enough to keep herself in manicures, and he spent as much time as he could outside of his fulltime job with her. I agree with Dexter - the courts DO sock it to the father. They can be the most doting father in the land yet still give custody to the mother. Happens all the time. The rarity is the father getting custody.
fooled once Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 AND - I was awarded sole custody. Judge didn't even blink an eye or wonder why or question it.
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