Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Hey all, I have a bit of a problem here, one that I might be able to answer for myself but I'm going to ask for for some help anyway: some fresh opinions might help. I honestly hope it’s nothing to worry about. So, I met this girl in my city off Facebook about 3 weeks ago and we seemed to hit it off. After about 1 week, I decided I wanted to get to know her better and she did too so I asked her out. The two weeks after that she wasn't able to since she had some problems with her housemates and was busy and she said that maybe we could the next week. I was knocked back twice, once each week following since I only asked once each week and I've been very patient and understanding. She is still single. Now, I asked her again this week over the phone and she initially said yes for Wednesday night because she said she was busy on Thursday and Friday and that we would talk later that night about it on MSN. That night she changed it for Friday over her plans and she asked me if it was ok, which it was. I asked her if she was sure that Friday was ok for her which she said "Yes for sure, you have my promise" and that she understood and she would be annoyed too if it happened to her. I was happy with it and that was that set for Friday the 17 June 2009. Now for the next couple of days after I continued to message her online just to say hi, but I haven't been getting any responses. I asked one of my friends about it and he said that it was normal and he has had it done to him a couple of times; that some of the girls he dated would not talk to him until the date, to save up stuff to have a conversation about. I suppose that might be ok, but there has been no responses whatsoever where he said that there might be a "hi" or a "how are you" but nothing substantial. The date is for tomorrow, but I suspect that I might be stood up. I want to call her to make sure we're still set for tomorrow but I dont want to push it. All the while, she maintains her positive attitude and making comments on statues etc on Facebook, and our last conversation mentioned above was still really positive. I thought that if I have done something (which I have a good idea that I haven't) she would have deleted/ blocked me off MSN and Facebook already and/ or removed my messages. So, if anything, can anyone help with what might be going on so I might have an idea about what to do? I hope I don't sound paranoid: I'm concerned because I've been stood up on a date at a girl's house before and its not a good feeling so I'm nervous this might happen again since I'm picking her up. On top of that I not so long ago got out of a 3yr on and off relationship where my girlfriend at the time was playing mind games. I'm still planning on calling her tomorrow and/ or going over to her place tomorrow to pick her up, as was planned. I hope its nothing and that she just didn’t see my messages online, but honestly, no-one misses 2-3 “heys”/ messages when they’re flashing in your face with an alert sound. I know it might be a bit close of me posting this seeing its tomorrow and this might be a bit long but any help will be appreciated.
Truly Lost Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Sorry, but it sounds, to me, like she may not be that interested in you because she is not jumping at the opportunity to hang out. She probably thinks you are a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Cancelling on you before is not a good sign. But I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow.
GorillaTheater Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Call to confirm the date. If she cancels or tries to postpone, write her off.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Everything was all good when we set it up though. Was I being worked over when she said she said she was sure about it, promised and gave me her address to pick her up? There was another thing though which I mentioned about not being able to talk to her... Has anyone ever heard of something like after the date has been set, there's no contact between the girl and guy until they meet, other than maybe some small talk if they happen to maybe run into each other before then? A friend of mine said he's had it done to him. But with my situation, I just think its really weird and creepy that there's absolutely no replies to any hellos to any ims on msn or facebook chat, especially when I know she would have seen them with alert tones and flashing task bar buttons. Anyone heard of that happen or have that happen?
patcha Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Yes. I have done that. Not contact someone at all until the date. Unless they contacted me to confirm, I always respond. You can ask for confirmation or just see if she shows up for the date. Don't worry about it. Next time schedule a date where you'd want to be there anyway regardless if your date shows up or not.
espec10001 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Well you got more patience than me brother when it comes to the female species. I have zero tolerance for any sort of disrespect from women, if it were me I would've forgotten about her the first time she blew me off. If I were you I wouldn't even show up tomorrow for whatever you had planned. The thing is if you start worrying about what a girl thinks and this and that and all that s***, she's playing you. You MUST garner utmost respect from women or they will show no mercy. Experiences with women are great teachers of gaining self respect and not taking s***.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 At least I know now for sure that no contact happens, even though I still can't understand why you wouldn't want to talk to the person you're going to go out with before the date. Fair enough that you want to have something to say when you go out, but really why wouldn't you say hi back to the person if they say hi to you, as its happening to me right now... By the way, I'm picking her up from her house. So I suppose I’ll be at her house to pick her up at the prescribed time on the pretext that she knows why I’m there regardless if its been confirmed or not. Not the way I wanted to do it, but what can you do. Patcha, about scheduling a date that I’d want to be there regardless of whether my date is there, I made this one a one on one date: get to know her personally was the intention. It’d be a little uncomfortable if there were other people there, which was not what I was aiming for. At the same time, in this instance I wouldn’t go to the trouble of setting up a one on one date with my date if she wasn’t going to be there. I’d organise something with mates instead as a group hang where it wouldn’t matter. Patcha, I hope you understand what I’m saying (I think I could’ve been clearer), but I will take that idea on board.
GorillaTheater Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 By the way, I'm picking her up from her house. So I suppose I’ll be at her house to pick her up at the prescribed time on the pretext that she knows why I’m there regardless if its been confirmed or not. Did you call (the best way) or text to confirm? It's something you really should do, for reasons of etiquette if for no other.
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Look, here is the way it is. Her avoidance to confirm the date simply confirms there is no date. If you show up, you will be stiffed. Period.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Did you call (the best way) or text to confirm? It's something you really should do, for reasons of etiquette if for no other. She has a habit of misplacing/ losing her phone as I found out a lot this week. No other phone numbers
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Look, here is the way it is. Her avoidance to confirm the date simply confirms there is no date. If you show up, you will be stiffed. Period. Well the more I think about this how this has all gone down, the less I actually want to go through with it now. So it might not happen. Shame about that.
espec10001 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Dude if she can't answer a confirmation text or phone call then you MUST assume it ain't happening. That's why I said don't bother picking her up. If she can't answer a simple thing like that she isn't worth your time!
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 You are avoiding her avoidance to confirm the date. I IMed her on msn and facebook chat numerous times and put it up on msn and my facebook status so that hopefully she'll see it. I messaged her once again on msn as recent as about 20 mins ago. So I'm trying. I'm planning on trying to call her in the morning and see if she has her phone and if she'll answer.
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Shame about that. I answered as honestly as I could, from my own experience...because I used to be that girl. The shame is all hers. And she knows it. Dont participate. Its not you.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Thanks everyone for your help. I really appreciate your support. As I wrote in my original post, I previously have been through it before when I was stood up at a girls house, that I had spent 45mins trying to get to. I really didn't want to have to go through that again, especially when someone makes a promise and fails to carry through with it, no matter how much they say "I'm sure" and "I promise". Thanks guys once again. 2sure, you said you used to be that girl. It might be just me, or how late at night it is over here, maybe if you want could you shed some light on that? I am a guy after all and everyone's going to have different answers on that subject, so I'd like to hear about it from you, just so as I guy I could understand and move on....
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I was hoping you wouldnt ask. At the time I was kind of flighty. I thought of it as: I liked to keep my options open. But really it was just me being cowardly and/or lazy. For example: If I had spoken to a man at length on the phone or IM a few times I felt bad telling him I really was not interested when he asked me out. So, I would put him off. Cancel. Not take his calls. I thought that was a good enough way to end it. But some guys didnt get the hint. They would reach me, I would not be up front and would make a date just to end the conversation. Then when they would call to confirm I would not respond. If they kept calling I would actually get irritated. Like, what does this guy not get?? Eventually one showed up while I was being picked up by another guy. It sucked. I sucked. I'm sorry. The deal is this: You call her, leave a message. If she doesnt return your call. Done.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Well I know for the most part what the answer is now. I gave her a call not long ago using my house phone since I was charging my mobile. She picked up half asleep and after asking who it was, I told her and she point blank hung up. Not what I was hoping for, but I suppose I can say I expected as much. I guess I know where its headed and what I have to do, and that's move on. I still don't know what happened in the past two days for this to happen, I know I'm not getting any answers soon and I also know that I haven't been treated fairly. But I know its over with and I'm not going back. I'm not going to go as far as call her again: I'd be wasting my time even though I dont think its fair what she did to me...shun me for 2 days then hang up when I called. 2sure, thanks for your experience although I did say you could share only if you wanted to. What happened sounded painful. I know I'm totally done with her: she's off my Facebook page and i dont expect any contact with her anytime, sooner or later. And to everyone else, thanks for helping me get past her. She's just a girl I guess.
littlewhiterose Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 No, she's not "just a girl". She's messed up. She has no respect for you/others or even herself. If she had respect (even) for herself, she'd care more about how she's representing herself. That's atrocious. Trust me, there are waaaay better people out there but it's obvious you dodged a bullet.
JustLooking123 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Wow, that's really rude of her (the whole situation, not just what happened when you called). Hang in there; not all women are like this!
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