aeh Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I have read Not Just Friends and I can't remember the name of the other one, currently. Have a clouded head at the moment. I am wondering though about the one on aftertheaffair.net. that was written by a lady that is NOT a professional but is a BS and it is written specifically for the WS. Has anyone read that one and what did you think? How does it differ in its advice compared to other books? Link to post Share on other sites
foreal Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Hi AEH, I am a BW, 3 months out... Here are my suggestions and why (all can/should be read by BS and WS, IMO!): 1. Not Just Friends- (You already read this one, good start!) 2. After the Affair- (Janis Abrahms Spring): Good for WS and BS...It is more clinical than NJF-this one is tough in that it may make your Husband feel pretty lousy b/c it gets to the heart/meat of things- at the same time, it will give him (or it SHOULD if he is willing) insight to you and your feelings as well as deep insight to WHY he chose to betray you. . . it helped me deal with my Obsessions, triggers etc.. It also has uselful excersises (like the high cost and low cost behaviors for each spouce) 3. First Aid for the Betrayed- (Richard Alan): this one is for you, the BS. Man, it is cathartic..this is not by a doctor/shrink but an ordinary guy whose wife betrayed him. It perfectly describes how I felt after Dday and gives excellent PRACTICAL advise. 4. Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder , The Six Stages of Healing- (Dennis Ortman): for both WS and BS. I liked this one b/c I couldn't find a book that told me how the hell, when the hell, this crap would end, be over, how that all looks etc. A lot of the info is stuff I read in the otehr books, but the STAGES it provided helped me see there is light at the end of the tunnel! 5. Intimacy After Infidelity (Solomon and Teagno): For both BS and WS...excellent! I am reading this now along with WH. It really addresses WHY this happened and actaully explains how to keep it from happening again. It nails the when and why of the A and the resons it happened. Intamacy in this case includes sex, but this is more about emotional intimacy with yourself which leads to better intimacy with your spouce. I say read the books in any order, however, I am glad I got to the last book now, rather than before...I was not ready to move on until now...and by moving on I mean getting past the RAGE I had... Good luck, I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aeh Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Thanks! I did read After the Affair as well. I think I got both of those upon your suggestion in another post, Foreal, so thank you! I will check those others out, too. I would still also be interested if anyone has checked out/read the one from Aftertheaffair.net. It also encourages BS not to read it so as not to feel like they are being put through a test. Doesn't say they can't, but maybe not til later. This makes me curious. I feel a little like I'll be manipulated again. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I have read Not Just Friends and I can't remember the name of the other one, currently. Have a clouded head at the moment. I am wondering though about the one on aftertheaffair.net. that was written by a lady that is NOT a professional but is a BS and it is written specifically for the WS. Has anyone read that one and what did you think? How does it differ in its advice compared to other books? Aeh, hope you are well and moving decidedly forward in your recovery. I read your "thank you to the OW" posts (and some of the heartless responses), and have been meaning to write with a few suggestions including a book list, but have been snowed under. I am so glad you are on top of your recovery efforts. I need to be quick, so I would just like to add another book..."How Can I Forgive You?". I read 3 books on infidelity and some web resources - if you want I can also send you some web links. Keep strong, DECIDE to be happy, make it happen, take what you can from LS (including tough love advice), and ignore those on here with playground bully antics. Hugs, Best Wishes, & God bless, LG Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Aeh, there is also another highly recommended one re boundaries which I only read excerpts from. I was nevertheless very impressed with it, not least because it probes at one of the key root causes of infidelity... inappropriate boundaries. Will let you know the title asap. Cheers, LG Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I'd also suggest a couple of other books: Surviving an Affair The Five Love Languages His Needs/Her Needs Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 In addition to the ones mentioned, I thought Susan Anderson's "The Journey from Abandonment to Heling" was very good. Also, Abram-Springs second book, "How Can I Forgive You" is good, especially if you are trying to reconcile the concept of forgiveness with a lack of remorse from the WS. Link to post Share on other sites
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