JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I am a pretty insecure person. I have a decent amount weight to lose (if you look at the number, I don't look what I weigh, but it still makes me self conscious as most of my friends are really tiny) My insecurity and low self esteem makes me a very jealous person and I am afraid its gonna push my boyfriend away (for the second time...we dated once before) I want to feel confident cause I know and read that its the sexiest thing a woman can be! Help! Any advice?
carhill Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Sure. Disconnect security from your weight. Jealousy and insecurity are psychological issues which have nothing to do with weight. Tell me, besides what you've shared, what are your passions in life? What encourages you to greet the sun every morning? Within those you'll find a beginning.
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have to disagree Carhill.. Jealousy and insecurity are psychological issues which have nothing to do with weight. Jealousy and insecurity HAS everything to do with her weight, in her case. OP: Why can't you lose the weight? Hit the gym.. cut your portions.. eat 'light'.. lots of veggies... do what it takes to get in shape and shed the pounds.. You might not have that much weight to lose.. so it's time now.. don't wait till you're 100 lbs overweight.. It's doable.. women with great bodies DO FEEL way sexier and much much more confident.
missdependant Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I'd say what helps me to be confident is doing things to improve myself. Meaning, I don't sit around and do nothing all day, I go out and exercise, I cook and eat healthy, I DO NOT read cosmo or other beauty magazines. I don't go out and party all the time; not even before getting pregnant. I do spend time treating myself to a manicure or pedicure once in a while; it's nice to just feel pampered sometimes. I also worked my ass off in school (I just graduated), and now I'm looking back at my grades and I feel very proud of it all. I EARNED the position that I have at work.. I work hard, and I try and focus on doing things that make me happy. Do things that are PRODUCTIVE with your time. Being skinny doesn't matter.. being HEALTHY is what matters. I've seen women with voluptuous structures that are sexier than women with skeletal structures. Why can't you lose weight? Do you have a hypo-thyroid?
quankanne Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 women with great bodies DO FEEL way sexier and much much more confident have to disagree with you there, Lizzie – I've always been heavy, and for the most part, have felt pretty damned sexy (even if no one else realizes it, LOL) and always have felt confident in and of myself. I think sexy is more of an attitude than anything else. Looking good helps, but it's not the whole experience, IMO. OP, you want to feel sexier? Do something for yourself that makes you feel good about yourself. A few years back, a friend took me for a pedicure for my birthday, and that made me feel really, really girly and good. So I try to do that for myself a couple of times a year, I see it as a $25 non-fattening pick-me-up! once your self-esteem improves, so does your self-image. Go look up Maya Angelou's poem, "Phenomenal Woman." THAT is what sexy is about, not how much you weight or if you could give a porn star a run for her money.
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Its not that I can't lose weight... I just tend to lose it at a snails pace. I do work out, which I think is why I do not look my weight, cause I'm pretty toned in most places. I have rock hard calves...my (outer at least) thighs are pretty tight...but I have a chunky stomach and pretty large breasts (That's a self conscious issue all its own)
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 quankanne I will definately check into those little things to do for myself. I tend to forget to "pamper" myself. and I'll check out that poem. Thanks!
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 women with great bodies DO FEEL way sexier and much much more confident have to disagree with you there, Lizzie – I've always been heavy, and for the most part, have felt pretty damned sexy (even if no one else realizes it, LOL) and always have felt confident in and of myself. I think sexy is more of an attitude than anything else. Looking good helps, but it's not the whole experience, IMO. OP, you want to feel sexier? Do something for yourself that makes you feel good about yourself. A few years back, a friend took me for a pedicure for my birthday, and that made me feel really, really girly and good. So I try to do that for myself a couple of times a year, I see it as a $25 non-fattening pick-me-up! once your self-esteem improves, so does your self-image. Go look up Maya Angelou's poem, "Phenomenal Woman." THAT is what sexy is about, not how much you weight or if you could give a porn star a run for her money. Well.. I'm sure there are a FEW exceptions.. but in most cases, women with extra pounds, who wants to lose then.. are not secure with their bodies.. Very few exceptions.. and I'm not sure they (you) ALWAYS feel secure... with your weight.
carhill Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have to disagree Carhill.. Jealousy and insecurity are psychological issues which have nothing to do with weight. Jealousy and insecurity HAS everything to do with her weight, in her case. No worries. I was married to an overweight woman who had no such issues because her center was in who she was, not who she saw in the mirror. She always looked her best and approached the world with confidence. Think about how a man defines himself. That was her. Anecdotally 5'1" and 190 at her top, so I mean overweight. Solving superficial issues only keeps the psychology in the superficial. If she loses weight, her confidence will forever be tied to it and she will forever be pursuing the superficial. Mark my words
quankanne Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I get what you're saying, Lizzie, and yes, there are times when the weight bums me out (clothes – esp. bra – shopping, running out of breath because I'm out of shape), but those are the exception rather than the rule. I accept who I am and what I look like. Doesn't mean I don't want to improve for health reasons, but I'm not going to bash myself because of the weight when it's a huge part of who I am. I can control my feelings about myself ... why waste a good guilt trip on my looks? just, you'll feel loads better finding that one pick-me-up. Best part is that others will see what it does for you, and will contribute. My husband has learned this is the most appreciated gift to give me, and he benefits because he sees me feeling perked up. *sigh* if only he could provide perky bosoms on demand :laugh:
missdependant Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Its not that I can't lose weight... I just tend to lose it at a snails pace. I do work out, which I think is why I do not look my weight, cause I'm pretty toned in most places. I have rock hard calves...my (outer at least) thighs are pretty tight...but I have a chunky stomach and pretty large breasts (That's a self conscious issue all its own) If a flat stomach is what you're looking for, that's cool and all.. but it's not something that just happens over night. It took me almost a year to get my body back the way I wanted it after having my first baby (mostly a jelly belly). If you really think it's what you are most insecure about, then you should work on the problem. Spend some time looking at your positive traits of course. If there are things that you would like to change about yourself, tackle each individual thing one at a time. Set a goal and really work at it (I mean really set one that is realistic). Part of your confidence will come from working hard to meet it.. and you'll also feel great once you've actually succeeded. Picking a healthy diet and sticking with it, along with some cardio workouts will probably help you. Don't feel bad if you can't run a marathon right off the bat, it takes time to train your body. Do what's comfortable and gradually you'll see a difference in the shape you're in. Set some short term goals while you're at it like "I will run 5 miles every day for a week", then the next week "I will run seven miles every day for a week", etc. It definitely takes time and it's not easy. But if this is the main thing you're insecure about, then by all means.. work at fixing the problem. The only other advice I can give is that your self-esteem won't be high just from being skinnier. There are plenty of very skinny, attractive people out there who are very insecure. I very strongly believe that the most confident people are people who have achieved something in life that they've always wanted. Doesn't matter if it's graduating college, having a great body, getting to the top of their career, raising a great family, etc. People who have these things that actually WORKED for them and EARNED them usually seem more confident than people who are just given these things. Work hard and play hard. ;-) As for the breasts, find a nice push-up bra (they're hard to find, trust me), look for a couple of nice tops (even if you end up trying on twenty shirts and only buying two) and rock them!
Thornton Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I feel more confident if I look good. It's great if you can lose some weight and feel better about yourself, but there are other (faster!) things you can do too. Get your hair done, buy some sexy underwear and new clothes, new purse and shoes and jewellery, get your nails and hair done, pamper yourself with bubble baths and experiment with new makeup, etc. All those things are instant fixes which will improve your appearance and hopefully pick you up a bit and improve your confidence and self esteem. A huge amount of beauty is due to effort and style rather than weight; someone who is polished and stylish will always look better than someone who isn't, even if that other person is slimmer. I feel great when I'm wearing a beautiful necklace or something that people notice and comment on As an example I give you the beautiful Kelly Le Brock; not slim but still very stylish and beautiful: http://images.starpulse.com/pictures/2007/10/23/previews/Kelly%20LeBrock-CSH-031738.jpg Charlotte Church is also very pretty and stylish, despite not being slim: http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/charlotte_church-glamour_women_of_the_year_awards_in_london-01_122_970lo.jpg
ThePocketface Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 JUSTdaNCE, I suggest you become less insecure and lose weight. Now, it is impossible to know the specifics of your situation, but based on the impression I got from reading your post, I think you are too dependant on people's approval of you. By that, I mean, you believe approval = being allowed to feel good, while dissaproval = not being allowed to feel good. In reality, you can feel good withinside yourself just by knowing who you are and not appologizing for it. That's all I can say in such a short amount of words. Also, I think a better reason for losing weight would be to have a healthier body, and consequently a healthier mind. After all, with a healthier mind, you can bring more energy to your relationships and lifestyle in general (which will automatically make you more attractive as a side-effect). (And by the way, don't just believe everything you read JUSTdaNCE...I think being feminine is attractive in and of itself, rather than "confidence". I think Hilary Clinton is a very confident women...However..)
quankanne Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I very strongly believe that the most confident people are people who have achieved something in life that they've always wanted. this is SO true! best thing I ever did for myself was to get a college degree like I'd always dreamed of, because it's an accomplishment no one could "get" for me or take from me. loved the photo links you posted, thornton – I always thought LeBrock was attractive, and realized that it's those gorgeous eyes she has always played up that has made her attractive all this time.
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