saira Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 met this guy almost 4wks ago and on 3rd week not only did he say i love u, he also asked me to give him 'space' because i had queried his sudden coldness.... I wrote him off immediately with thoughts 'u didnt deserve me anyways'! today he came back said he misses me somehow... and its 'somehow' but has nothing to do with me... he also insisted that he loves me and meant it.. its just that he is going through a 'personal setback' at the moment and needs me to be patient and understanding. when we talk even though he is the one that called, its a difficult chat, he doesnt share whats so bad he cant tell me, and it puts me in this awkward position where i cant help because i have no clue what he is on about. he did say it has nothing to do with an ex or his love life. to me its all BS.. right? still a write off but i would like to know ur thoughts on this - we shouldnt but lets anaylse
Loxylox Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 He dosn't know what he wants hun. Same thing as "once their gone, you want them back" Im going through the same thing, but through the process of getting it through my head, that the guy is playing games. Move on hun, whenever someone says "be patient" run. Hes not ready,, for anything for awhile.
13arkansas Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I am also experiencing this! The guy emailed me something similar so I waited a few days to think about what I wanted then told him that I didnt really understand what he was saying (he's like your guy - 'going through something'!-that's no good explanation! and very unclear) and that while I liked his company, I would not ever want to be with a guy who was not sure about being with me, and that I'd prefer he was just straight up and honest with me about his real situation, as that at least gives the respect upon which a good basis for friendship, or whatever, can be formed. This makes him see I am not waiting around or trying to understand...don't ever give an unsure guy the im[pression that you will be prepared to wait as then he'll just presume he doesn't need to take a choice or be quick about pursuing you agaain for fear of losing you.
boogieboy Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 He is keeping you on the backburner until he figures out what he is going to do with another woman of bigger priority. Either he is struggling over his ex, or another woman that he is trying to get with. Etiehr way, he is telling you things to keep you on the hook in case the other one doesnt work out. You are being juggled.
13arkansas Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 If you have only been on a handful of dates with this guy, then maybe it is not such a crime for him (or you) to be less invested right now...I think that everyone can have complicated lives, exes, etc, and sometimes, people are right to withdraw from a new date, and deal with the old situation first before getting properly involved in a new one... ...that'd explain why he might be keeping you in the picture, until/unless he has dealt with the other situation. Even more reason to sound like a catch: i.e. to say you like him but respect yourself too much to wait around, and then he knows you are not available anymore, and that you are no one's back up...if it doesn't work with the other girl he will then be very interested in getting to know you better and chasing you again, and then if he is free of the other girl at this point, it might help a good relationship develop between you both (after quite a few dates he'll form more of a connection to you than he has now as well). That's if you are interested in him by then, of course
Author saira Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 thanks guys but shoulda mentioned that he has been single for 5 months now. on the same day that i met him i asked him to take as much time out alone as he needs b4 rushing into a new relationship either with me or any other gal. he said he would. but we kept talking and then later on while i was with him he asked me 'how long should i grief before u date me' which i took like he is over that someone and cant afford me to go. he kept repeating that am so nice how could i still be single. i feel that i may be the kind of woman he would like to be with but one and two dont add up. apart from an ex, could there certainly be another reason as to what the 'personal issue' may be?
13arkansas Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 It could be one of many things...he could easily have someone, an ex, that he is still getting over...people aren't always really honest about this! Or one of so many things...the most important thing is not to try to understand it, but to make sure that you do not tolerate it...and that he sees this.
boogieboy Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 His actions dont match his words. Dont be so quick to believe that he is telling you the truth. He cant take the chance that you will run off if he told you that he is still juggling his ex, or another women, so he would have to lie. Im sure hes tried that before and it hasnt worked.
Author saira Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 am seeing this guy tomoro but feel am doing it because of curiousity and also if he is there with me i can tell when he is lying.. whether he really knows what implications his behaviour mean to me.. i know what i want and clearly he isnt it but my feedback to follow tomoro
Author saira Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 i didnt hear from the guy he never called to cancel or explain i havent called to ask what happened and never will CASE CLOSED HIS LOSS
collegekid491 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 As already been said, he's dragging you along. He's just trying to gain some attention, hoping that you will feel sorry for him and lavish attention upon him, or simply he wants you to take the initiative and 'save' him, being the true love of his life... or some bs like that. Never get why some men aren't... men. Or, as boogie said, your a 2nd string.
D-Lish Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 There is something very off about a guy that professes his love for you in the third week of dating. Even more off that in the same breath he broke up with you. You gave him a second chance and he flaked...Don't give him the time of day ever again.
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