Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Okay, it's obvious that I think too much and I'm embarrassed even posting this. Anyway, the last time me and this guy I have been talking about were together he bought me something. Alright, might as well just come right out and say it....he bought me a couple of ahem sex toys. One of them he bought while I was with him and the other I did not see him buy. So he either snuck it in when I wasn't looking or before that night. I'm assuming he may have snuck it in since I was admiring that particular item that night. Anyway, is this a normal thing for a guy to buy for a girl? I mean I suppose it is since I'm assuming this is a FWB type relationship. I don't know what I'm really asking here. I guess he just kind of caught me by surprise because I did not expect him to buy me those things. Well, that night before I left he told me to take the toy home with me. I thought he meant the one I saw him buy while I was with him so I thanked him and said okay. Tonight he talks to me and the first question he asked was why I did not take the other item home with me as well? He mentioned that he had bought it for me and wanted me to have it. He sounded a bit hurt that I had not taken it home. Well, I explained to him that it was just all a big misunderstanding and that if I had known I would have. I ask him how much that item cost and told him I would pay him back for both. But, he said no I bought them for you because I wanted you to have them so I thanked him etc.. Anyway, just thought this was kind of weird I guess. Anyone else in a relationship like this where the partner buys you sex toys? Jeeze, you can see how naive I am lol. Just curious I suppose. Thanks
Bejita463 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Anyway, is this a normal thing for a guy to buy for a girl? Yup. At some point he will get to use the toys on you, watch you use them, or simply know that something he has done brings you pleasure.
utterer of lies Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Anyway, is this a normal thing for a guy to buy for a girl? Yes. Don't worry.
Bejita463 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Yes. Don't worry. So did you get a "message too short" error, trying to respond with "Yes." alone like I did with Yup?
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Okay, thanks guys! Oh and I get an error message all the time whenever I respond with one or two word responses. So apparently it has to be a certain length.
Els Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 How do YOU feel about the gifts? His intentions notwithstanding. Uncomfortable? Interested? You did mention you were admiring it... but it seems like you felt uncomfortable when he actually did buy it? Also, what sort of sex toys did he buy you? Sorry to probe more, dear, but that's a very pertinent question. There's a very big difference between him buying you a clitoral vibrator and... say.. an O-ring gag. My bf bought me sex toys before, and I was exhilarated with them. But then it was very obvious to him how much I wanted it.
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 How do YOU feel about the gifts? His intentions notwithstanding. Uncomfortable? Interested? You did mention you were admiring it... but it seems like you felt uncomfortable when he actually did buy it? Also, what sort of sex toys did he buy you? Sorry to probe more, dear, but that's a very pertinent question. There's a very big difference between him buying you a clitoral vibrator and... say.. an O-ring gag. My bf bought me sex toys before, and I was exhilarated with them. But then it was very obvious to him how much I wanted it. Well, I wasn't really uncomfortable with him buying me these things. I guess I was just wondering if this was normal for a guy to buy you something like this. I'm new to this and he has never bought me anything before so I was just curious. He bought me a dildo and a clitoral vibrator. Don't get me wrong, I was quite happy with these items and he used both on me that night we met. He then wanted me to take them both home with me.
AlektraClementine Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Totally normal. My dude loves to bring me stuff like this. He's a total perv.
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Well since you were with him when he bought one , looking at them and showing interest in them....then no, not unusual at all. It would have been unusual if you had only shopped for clothing together and had never mentioned an interest in toys.
utterer of lies Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 So did you get a "message too short" error, trying to respond with "Yes." alone like I did with Yup? Indeed. Curseth be the Rule of 10!
laRubiaBonita Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 So apparently it has to be a certain length. ahhahahahahahahahahahahaaaa........ :lmao:
Ruby Slippers Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I'm not even looking or having sex right now, and at least a dozen guys have offered to buy me sex toys in the past six months. So yeah, I'd say it's pretty normal.
Els Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Well, I wasn't really uncomfortable with him buying me these things. I guess I was just wondering if this was normal for a guy to buy you something like this. I'm new to this and he has never bought me anything before so I was just curious. He bought me a dildo and a clitoral vibrator. Don't get me wrong, I was quite happy with these items and he used both on me that night we met. He then wanted me to take them both home with me. Well then, now we've put your mind at ease... go ahead and have a blast with them toys! On a more serious note though. Weren't you planning to try out a date without sex with him? =/
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Okay, thanks all! Now that I know it's completely normal, I feel much better! Elswyth: Yes, the next time I see him actually, I plan on having a date without sex. Just so he doesn't think that's all I am about. I'm thinking dinner and a movie and leaving it at that. I'd like to bring him something though. I was thinking like his favorite beer or something? I'm not sure. Any thoughts? Thanks for the advice!
Els Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Yes, that works. Not excessive amounts of beer, though. I'd actually recommend keeping it out of the bedroom entirely. Because it may be harder for you to resist once things start heating up; and also because it'll be easier and smoother for you to turn him down. Instead of leaving him feeling rejected and wondering what he did wrong for you to reject him this time, if he's genuine and you just happen not to go near the bedroom at all in your activities he'll just think that it wasn't convenient this round. And if he's okay for that then you know that's cool. What are his hobbies? You could join him in them too besides the typical dinner/movie. Edit: Not to say that bedrooms are wrong, bedrooms instantly mean sex, etc etc, before anyone starts jumping me. I've been in bedrooms with my bf and ex (separate occasions, of course! ) before where no sex, not any type of sex occured. But in those cases things had already been clearly established, and we each know what's going on.
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Yes, that works. Not excessive amounts of beer, though. I'd actually recommend keeping it out of the bedroom entirely. Because it may be harder for you to resist once things start heating up; and also because it'll be easier and smoother for you to turn him down. Instead of leaving him feeling rejected and wondering what he did wrong for you to reject him this time, if he's genuine and you just happen not to go near the bedroom at all in your activities he'll just think that it wasn't convenient this round. And if he's okay for that then you know that's cool. What are his hobbies? You could join him in them too besides the typical dinner/movie. Edit: Not to say that bedrooms are wrong, bedrooms instantly mean sex, etc etc, before anyone starts jumping me. I've been in bedrooms with my bf and ex (separate occasions, of course! ) before where no sex, not any type of sex occured. But in those cases things had already been clearly established, and we each know what's going on. Excellent advice! Thank you so much. He does have many hobbies. He is into a lot of sports and he is a movie addict. I'm sure we can find something fun to do which doesn't involve sex! I don't mind being intimate with him and enjoy doing so, it's just that I want to be sure sex is not all he is after. Once that is established then I will feel a little better about the whole situation. He has told me multiple times before that he is not that type of guy, but actions speak louder than words so we will see. I'm not getting my hopes up because something always seems to go wrong when I do that. Eh with me, things tend to go wrong regardless. Anyway, thanks again Elswyth!
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Is it the first gift he's got you? Then yes, it's abnormal and he's only "with you" for the sex.
Els Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I don't mind being intimate with him and enjoy doing so, it's just that I want to be sure sex is not all he is after. Once that is established then I will feel a little better about the whole situation. Yes, and that's very important! That's why I was suggesting a way for you to see, without making him misinterpret it as you not wanting to be intimate with him. Good luck!
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Is it the first gift he's got you? Then yes, it's abnormal and he's only "with you" for the sex. Eh you could be right. I'm trying to consider all possibilities. Thanks for your input.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I'm trying to consider all possibilities. I'm honestly really confused as to how it could be interpreted any other way. Really.
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Is it the first gift he's got you? Then yes, it's abnormal and he's only "with you" for the sex. I think this is quite obvious as well. A man would NEVER do that for a prospective girlfriend/real relationship. I'm a bit suprised at some people here who think this is normal? Your husband, partner, boyfriend, whatever, YES... but a guy that you've just started casually dating and a first gift? Come on older girls, we know better than that. It's clear what this guy is after.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I think this is quite obvious as well. A man would NEVER do that for a prospective girlfriend/real relationship. I'm a bit suprised at some people here who think this is normal? Your husband, partner, boyfriend, whatever, YES... but a guy that you've just started casually dating and a first gift? Come on older girls, we know better than that. It's clear what this guy is after. And I agree with you as well.
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 I do see your point. Now that you put it that way, it does appear that is all he is after. I guess I'm pretty much making a fool out of myself here to think otherwise. Yes, when we meet we do other things as well. It's not just sex all the time, however, most of the time the night ends with sex. I suppose he could only want me for one thing.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I mean I suppose it is since I'm assuming this is a FWB type relationship. I don't know what I'm really asking here. Are you playing dumb, or are you really this naive? "Assuming", "don't know" what you're asking. I think you do know. If that is the first "gift" he ever gave you, then yes, it's fair to assume your "relationship" is a purely sexual one. If you have been in a relationship for a while, you pick out sex toys together, and he treats you to them, then you're in a real relationship with a healthy sex life. If you do other things together besides sex, it is fair to assume he enjoys your companionship in addition to your body. But you cannot assume he wants an actual relationship. So, basically, he's getting all the benefits that males typically want (sex and companionship), and you're not getting the additional benefits that females usually want (emotional closeness and support, loyalty and commitment, long-term investment, etc.).
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