iwanttolive Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Just a passing thought. A close girl pal of mine is getting married. She's pretty, comes from a well-to-do and happy family and always bubbly and radiates positive energy to everyone around her. She's marrying a handsome and wealthy guy who's a son of a shipyard tycoon. They've dated for two years and according to her 'still feels like honeymoon everyday'. I'm just wondering.. Are some people simply more superior than others that they manage to get dazzling partners? Meanwhile, Miss Homely ends up with a dweeb... Do our partners define us? For my gal pal's case, her dazzling fiance enhances her already perfect social status.. Should this matter at all? I don't fit in my former church because everyone there seems too perfect for me. They come from wealthy backgrounds, graduated from top alma maters, has refined taste in everything, marry partners with equal status, have children that will be as fabulous. Sigh, should this matter at all? In the survival of the fittest, am I a species destined to extinct?
IcemanJB Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 In response to the original question, our partners SHOULDN'T define us, but some people let this happen. I say your partner should enhance you instead. If you put your worth on the value of your partner, what does that say about you?
laRubiaBonita Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 she says things are super hunky- dory..... maybe to keep up her perfect image, but it doesn't necessarily mean things are. of course she may very well just be a lucky gal, but until you really know the ins and out of her relationship, you just do not know.
espec10001 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Who gives a f*** what these people do? Are they you? Are they in your situation? If not, then don't waste your time thinking about them. The person you are with doesn't define who you are because they are not YOU. We all see the 'perfect' couples who seem on the outside to have it all, but in reality that is rarely the case. People who boast and show off are beggars for attention and admiration, they walk the same level, breath the same air, and bleed the same color. What they have is not WHO they are.
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Always be yourself. Good advice and the only thing that really works in life. BUT. If you find yourself envious...think about that and why. I have found that often the only thing people we deem attractive and successful have that others dont is confidence. Realistically, confidence alone cannot change your economic status of course. But it does open doors and a confident person attracts other confident people. Being confident with who we are often leads to success. Sometimes the things that we are insecure about are things we cannot change and just have to learn to embrace or become comfortable with. Like our looks. But other things can be changed, like our interests and attitudes. There is nothing wrong with modeling others you admire and incorporating qualities you would like in your own life.
quankanne Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 a good partner doesn't define me; he helps me better define myself. In other words, a good partner acts as a magnet that focuses on you good spots. your friend sounds like she really got lucky. But then again, you're only on the outside looking in ... there could be issues that drive her nuts and thus make the partnership less idyllic, but because she's got the power of positive thinking, she sees her relationship in terms of success. which I think is something we all need to learn how to do, focus on what's positive about what we have with that special person rather than convince ourselves that something's severely lacking because it doesn't look like what the Joneses have. The only exception would be if there's any kind of abuse going on in a relationship, then all bets are off. not to be ugly, but your former church sounds like a big old bore ... the whole idea of church is to be amongst people who lift you up spiritually as you deepen your relationship with The Big Guy, not serve as a social club where people get rated on being the best!
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 a good partner doesn't define me; he helps me better define myself. In other words, a good partner acts as a magnet that focuses on you good spots. Yes! Much better said. Your partner should compliment you. Bring out your best. Of course when my H asked if I was going to try to change him I responded: No! I'm not going to change you...I'm going to make you better!. I actually said that. Ewww.
boldjack Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I can't believe you said that! If my wife had said it she would have been on a "time out", bench, even if I had to build it myself.:D
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Fortunately, my H laughs at me when I say these things. For the longest time I didnt know what he was laughing at.
Author iwanttolive Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Sometimes the things that we are insecure about are things we cannot change and just have to learn to embrace or become comfortable with. I'm insecure about relationships because I have been dumped for about 5 times. I reflected over this but until now I still don't get it why I kept on getting dumped Each time I improved myself in something, a new problem would surface and I'd be dumped again. Do I really have that many weaknesses? Am I really such a loser?
BlackWhite Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 She's marrying a handsome and wealthy guy who's a son of a shipyard tycoon. They've dated for two years and according to her 'still feels like honeymoon everyday'. Have you tried to date him? If no, why not?
quankanne Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Fortunately, my H laughs at me when I say these things. For the longest time I didnt know what he was laughing at. your sweet naiveté, perhaps?
quankanne Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Each time I improved myself in something, a new problem would surface and I'd be dumped again. Do I really have that many weaknesses? Am I really such a loser? I wouldn't necessary call YOU a loser, just someone who, for some peculiar reason, was in a relationship with a guy who couldn't handle you maturing in any way. Maybe those guys were the losers for not being supportive enough of you and your improvements, you know?
claire0917 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I'm insecure about relationships because I have been dumped for about 5 times. I reflected over this but until now I still don't get it why I kept on getting dumped Each time I improved myself in something, a new problem would surface and I'd be dumped again. Do I really have that many weaknesses? Am I really such a loser? We can't tell you why you keep getting dumped, but it's very normal and you're not alone .. good partners are really hard to find. But it's good to know that you're doing something to improve yourself each time.. it shows you're not acting like a loser
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