IronMaidenSara Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have a boyfriend I met online, and I have known him for over 6 months, and we have been dating for about 3 months. Our relationship status is healthy, there is no sign of abuse. We really desire to meet each other in real life, and I already discussed that with my mother and she is alright about it, but she has some difficulties about that with my her, but they're not always in the way... but that's not my point right now. The point of this topic is that my boyfriend does have a job and it pays him quite well per month...Though now he seems to be afraid of some things... (See, he lives in Europe and I live in the United States, and the only way of him ever visiting me easily is flying into the state in an airplane.) Things such as flying. This will be his first time flying ever, and he's been looking into it for some time now, and he's just really afraid of switching flights and he also fears of getting lost inside of the airport when he does that. I don't really know how to help him with his fear, because I've never really experienced traveling by myself and or switching flights. I would really like some assistance on what to tell him, if you viewers have any advice for me to tell him... yes? Though when he does come, it will be 6 months from now, and by that time he will have enough money to spend on a plane ticket and a hotel to stay in... but he's also afraid that he might not get the money in time. He's looking for a job now, and I really root him on about that. I can't seem to ever help him with the fear of him not being able to get enough money to attain so he can come to visit me, so I don't know really what to tell him... besides to root him on saying that he's doing a good job. Since his mother is afraid of him traveling alone for the first time, she's not really giving him much advice or money at all, but she does chip in a little. We are teenagers, not 13... not 14... but we're up there. Do most LDR's work like that? Like... it takes a long time for the one with the job to come and visit? I've never really had one online, but this one seems to be going quite well... I just have a bad time of waiting, because I always have this dire need of being online to speak with him on a instant messenger, and my mother notices that I am addicted to the internet because of it, which does not seem to be "healthy"... I just have a hard time coping with emotional stress from my mother, and stress of not being able to be with the person I love most. Can anyone advise me on how to deal with my stress? What should I do? I like talking to my boyfriend all day, but I seem to be addicted and I fear of gaining weight and being really lazy, anti-social and inside all day...so should I take breaks sometimes? How should I try and do that when I find it so hard? How should I strike a conversation with my mother?
Lyssa Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 It's a bit difficult to say if it's too long or not seeing that you're both still in your teens. If you don't mind my asking, how are you both? It took me almost a year to meet my fiance but then again it was because our R were complicated back then.
Thornton Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Travelling on your own isn't a big deal. I've been all over the place on my own, even travelling to Africa alone at the age of 18. Your ticket tells you where you need to go, what gate your plane leaves from etc, and there are signs in the airport to guide you to your gate. You simply get off one plane and proceed to the gate number listed on your ticket for your next flight... and you usually have an hour or two to get there. There are also English-speaking employees pretty much everywhere who are happy to direct you and help you with any problems. Worst case scenario, if you miss a flight, they just bump you onto the next one and you have to wait a few hours. Nothing can go wrong really Usually in an LDR of such a distance you have to wait quite some time for the person to visit, because it's very expensive plus they have to get the time off work... and most people only get a few weeks holiday per year so you're not going to see him much I dunno why he's worried about getting the money in time - if he can't afford it surely he would just postpone for a few weeks? Can't he stay with you and save some money? A LDR such as this is really tough because of the extreme distance, therefore you can't see each other very often and it costs a fortune when you do meet... it's not for the faint-hearted or the casual dater! You really have to like the person, because conversation is all you have most of the time. I know the feeling of wanting to be online with your SO all the time, but you have to consider that this is the only way you get to spend time with him, if he was sitting in the same room with you all the time you wouldn't think of it as addiction! Obviously try to take breaks from the computer; you can still text or call your bf when you're out and about. Which country is he in, if you don't mind me asking? Ultimately the only way to deal with the stress of missing your SO is this: being apart is hard, but it's better than breaking up, so you have no choice. At least you have someone wonderful in your life to miss!
Rollercoasterr Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I was absolutely terrified of flying on my own the first time I did it. I was scared about switching planes and getting up in the air, but it was really a breeze. All I had to do was close my eyes and think about my fiance waiting for me at my final destination and by the time I had finished that thought we were already in the air. I switched planes at Chicago O'Hara which has a TON of gates, but it was really not that bad. I had to walk fast, but I had no problems. I landed at Gate C and had to walk all the way to gate F. This doesn't sound like a lot of walking, but at Chicago's airport they have about 15 actual gates per letter(A, B, C, etc) so it took me a good 25 minutes to walk all the way to my gate. But really. There are signs everywhere, people to help you, and tons of screens all around that will show you what gate your flight is leaving from. I absolutely LOVE flying now that I've actually done it. It was so fun to watch everything get smaller and smaller below me and to see all the houses and stuff. And of course when I came back home I kept trying to identify roads that I traveled on. I can understand your SO being afraid, so you should probably cut him a little slack on that. Browse the internet for articles that might make him feel better, reassure him that everything will be just fine. I'm not going to play the "you're too young" game since I turn 21 tomorrow, but I do think that the younger a couple is, the more things that can go wrong in any type of relationship. I've known and been in love with my fiance for 6 years, but I only met him for the very first time last November. People might think that's weird that I was in love with him for 5 years, but it was complicated. Very, very complicated. All that matters to me is that this time next year I will be Mrs. Gervais, and we'll never have to be apart again! Since we met in November we've seen each other just about every 2 months, but that is going to stop soon. I've gone up there and he's come down here, but he has traveled more than me. He's coming in August and he's going to get to stay with me for at least 3 weeks and then after that we have no idea when we'll get to see each other again because of immigration and stuff. But I would gladly take that time away from him because it means that we're getting oh so very close to having our visa approved and getting married!
Author IronMaidenSara Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Travelling on your own isn't a big deal. I've been all over the place on my own, even travelling to Africa alone at the age of 18. Your ticket tells you where you need to go, what gate your plane leaves from etc, and there are signs in the airport to guide you to your gate. You simply get off one plane and proceed to the gate number listed on your ticket for your next flight... and you usually have an hour or two to get there. There are also English-speaking employees pretty much everywhere who are happy to direct you and help you with any problems. Worst case scenario, if you miss a flight, they just bump you onto the next one and you have to wait a few hours. Nothing can go wrong really Usually in an LDR of such a distance you have to wait quite some time for the person to visit, because it's very expensive plus they have to get the time off work... and most people only get a few weeks holiday per year so you're not going to see him much I dunno why he's worried about getting the money in time - if he can't afford it surely he would just postpone for a few weeks? Can't he stay with you and save some money? A LDR such as this is really tough because of the extreme distance, therefore you can't see each other very often and it costs a fortune when you do meet... it's not for the faint-hearted or the casual dater! You really have to like the person, because conversation is all you have most of the time. I know the feeling of wanting to be online with your SO all the time, but you have to consider that this is the only way you get to spend time with him, if he was sitting in the same room with you all the time you wouldn't think of it as addiction! Obviously try to take breaks from the computer; you can still text or call your bf when you're out and about. Which country is he in, if you don't mind me asking? Ultimately the only way to deal with the stress of missing your SO is this: being apart is hard, but it's better than breaking up, so you have no choice. At least you have someone wonderful in your life to miss! To answer your question, I can't text him because it costs a lot of money to text internationally, and I don't have international texting or calling on my cellphone. I have called him before on a land line, but that also costs money and I usually have to get an international calling card... so I don't have much communication with him whenever I am offline. And to answer the other question, he lives in Denmark.
Island Girl Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 To answer your question, I can't text him because it costs a lot of money to text internationally, and I don't have international texting or calling on my cellphone. I have called him before on a land line, but that also costs money and I usually have to get an international calling card... so I don't have much communication with him whenever I am offline. And to answer the other question, he lives in Denmark. He does have a computer, correct? If so, then both of you need to download Skype so you can chat for free. You can play games together online, watch movies together, etc. Some people here do that with each other. Thankfully your boyfriend lives in a more advanced country where this is possible.
Author IronMaidenSara Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 He does have a computer, correct? If so, then both of you need to download Skype so you can chat for free. You can play games together online, watch movies together, etc. Some people here do that with each other. Thankfully your boyfriend lives in a more advanced country where this is possible. Yes, if he didn't... how on Earth would have I ever met him online? We already do something similar, we use MSN which is just the same basically. yeah, it's pretty nice.
Thornton Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 http://www.lebara.dk/en/ Using a Lebara sim card makes it very cheap to call internationally, literally a few cents per minute to call, and a few cents to text. Your bf could get one of those and call/text you very cheaply, and you could text him back via Skype - you put money on your Skype account and it only costs a few cents to text to a cell phone anywhere in the world. There may be a USA equivalent of Lebara so you could text him when you're out and about, I don't know.
Island Girl Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Yes, if he didn't... how on Earth would have I ever met him online? ahem, I'm sorry, I didn't want to just assume he has access at home. We do have users here who can only communicate online with their SOs when they are at work because of no access at home. We already do something similar, we use MSN which is just the same basically. Oh. I thought MSN was just chat - with no computer to computer calling available. With Skype you can web cam and talk over the internet for free --- no typing -- just talking and being able to see each other. AND Skype can be used over a handheld Playstation or one of the Skype phones available on the site. So it is mobile for when you aren't online... Those options aren't something a lot of us get to use so you're lucky in that respect. And I think only Skype has those mobile options... But I may be mistaken about MSNs capabilities. I don't use it. Sorry again that my post seemed to annoy you. I hope this one clarifies. Now I'm off this thread. Good luck to you.
Els Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 MSN does have webcam.. but few people use it for that, because Skype's call quality is just plain better. Sara... that's the disadvantage of being in an LDR where both people are young. You both have a lot of time to talk to each other... but not the finances to be able to visit often. Some people have made it, some have not. The rest of the questions... well, browse around a little and you'll find many answers to them.
Lucky_One Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 The point of this topic is that my boyfriend does have a job and it pays him quite well per month...Though now he seems to be afraid of some things... Though when he does come, it will be 6 months from now, and by that time he will have enough money to spend on a plane ticket and a hotel to stay in... but he's also afraid that he might not get the money in time. He's looking for a job now, and I really root him on about that. I can't seem to ever help him with the fear of him not being able to get enough money to attain so he can come to visit me, so I don't know really what to tell him... besides to root him on saying that he's doing a good job. Since his mother is afraid of him traveling alone for the first time, she's not really giving him much advice or money at all, but she does chip in a little. Ok, so he has a job that pays him well, and it looks like he is living at home, but it will take him 6 months to save money for a plane ticket and hotel? That doesn't make a lot of sense. Or does he not have a job, if he is looking for a job now? That makes more sense, and would explain why he might not have enough money to pay for it. Regardless, yes, most times the one who can afford it and who has a job pays for the travel. Are you working? Perhaps if you can help him with the expenses, it would help speed him along, and he wouldn't feel as though he were the only one contributing to this first meeting.
Els Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Cut her some slack, Lucky. She did mention that they were both teenagers. So when she defines 'pays well', it probably means 'pays better than the average teenage part-time job', I'd wager. Which still would be far from enough for an international plane ticket.
northstar1 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 I have a boyfriend I met online, and I have known him for over 6 months, and we have been dating for about 3 months. Our relationship status is healthy, there is no sign of abuse. We really desire to meet each other in real life, and I already discussed that with my mother and she is alright about it, but she has some difficulties about that with my her, but they're not always in the way... but that's not my point right now. The point of this topic is that my boyfriend does have a job and it pays him quite well per month...Though now he seems to be afraid of some things... (See, he lives in Europe and I live in the United States, and the only way of him ever visiting me easily is flying into the state in an airplane.) Things such as flying. This will be his first time flying ever, and he's been looking into it for some time now, and he's just really afraid of switching flights and he also fears of getting lost inside of the airport when he does that. I don't really know how to help him with his fear, because I've never really experienced traveling by myself and or switching flights. I would really like some assistance on what to tell him, if you viewers have any advice for me to tell him... yes? Though when he does come, it will be 6 months from now, and by that time he will have enough money to spend on a plane ticket and a hotel to stay in... but he's also afraid that he might not get the money in time. He's looking for a job now, and I really root him on about that. I can't seem to ever help him with the fear of him not being able to get enough money to attain so he can come to visit me, so I don't know really what to tell him... besides to root him on saying that he's doing a good job. Since his mother is afraid of him traveling alone for the first time, she's not really giving him much advice or money at all, but she does chip in a little. We are teenagers, not 13... not 14... but we're up there. Do most LDR's work like that? Like... it takes a long time for the one with the job to come and visit? I've never really had one online, but this one seems to be going quite well... I just have a bad time of waiting, because I always have this dire need of being online to speak with him on a instant messenger, and my mother notices that I am addicted to the internet because of it, which does not seem to be "healthy"... I just have a hard time coping with emotional stress from my mother, and stress of not being able to be with the person I love most. Can anyone advise me on how to deal with my stress? What should I do? I like talking to my boyfriend all day, but I seem to be addicted and I fear of gaining weight and being really lazy, anti-social and inside all day...so should I take breaks sometimes? How should I try and do that when I find it so hard? How should I strike a conversation with my mother? My solution to your stress is this and you probably will not like it.....I'm sure you really like this guy, but... You are young (I'm guessing 17-18?) - you should be out enjoying your time/days with your friends, having fun, dating - being a teenager!!! Not stuck indoors at a computer talking to a guy you've not actually met who is 1000's of miles away. I'm sorry, but this just doesn't sound healthy at all.
Els Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 My solution to your stress is this and you probably will not like it.....I'm sure you really like this guy, but... You are young (I'm guessing 17-18?) - you should be out enjoying your time/days with your friends, having fun, dating - being a teenager!!! Not stuck indoors at a computer talking to a guy you've not actually met who is 1000's of miles away. I'm sorry, but this just doesn't sound healthy at all. So... why can one not have fun and friends and be in an LDR? Her age isn't so very different from that of many regular posters here. A few years at most. I say it's part of life experience anyway, and as long as she doesn't do anything rash/silly she won't be the worse for it. Enjoy it, learn from it, be able to move on if needed. Besides, did an adult telling you 'it's not healthy' stop you from doing what you wanted to do as a teenager? Thought not.
northstar1 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 So... why can one not have fun and friends and be in an LDR? Her age isn't so very different from that of many regular posters here. A few years at most. I say it's part of life experience anyway, and as long as she doesn't do anything rash/silly she won't be the worse for it. Enjoy it, learn from it, be able to move on if needed. Besides, did an adult telling you 'it's not healthy' stop you from doing what you wanted to do as a teenager? Thought not. Sure, one can have both, and should have both..... but I'm simply keying off her own admission that she feels she may be addicted to staying indoors on the internet to chat all day.
Els Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Sure, one can have both, and should have both..... but I'm simply keying off her own admission that she feels she may be addicted to staying indoors on the internet to chat all day. Oh yes. Certainly, I'm with you on that one. Doing nothing but talking to him all day would be self-defeating anyway, because there's no way a relationship can survive long if both partners did that.
Bayern Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Well I'm 18 and I have been on plenty of flights by myself. That includes travel around the world. If he knows English (which I assume he does and you don't know Danish ) then he will be absolutely fine. I would have no problem talking to him about it if you need too. You might be able to meet and have a great time and really have a lot of chemistry, but unless you're willing to move to Denmark and learn Danish or him to America it's going to be hard to sustain. I have some feelings for a girl living in Switzerland and even if it did workout when we met, there would be no way to sustain it if I wasn't going to university in Switzerland. A hotel and plane ticket are expensive things. Think about this before you request he spends his hard earned money on them. Money is nothing for love, but make sure that's what it is...
hoping2heal Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 Yeah flying is a breeze. I just did LAX, DFW, and O'hare all in the last few days, I was with another girl but she had never flown before either, and she was younger than I am. It really wasn't that big of a deal. I'm completely comfortable with flying now and have no qualms about it. The more travel the better! That's what I say .
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