KissTheRain Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Hi Guys, Its been a while since I posted here infact last I remember was around Valentines day or something. If you guys want to read up more on our history The following 2 threads would be helpful: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t170442/9?highlight=Nanu http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=178588&highlight=Nanu Anyway just briefly, after living together for over 2 years she left me one fine day and I could not figure out the reasons, they included that she was not happy, and her Mom had moved back to town so we could no longer live together, her family is conservative and they had no clue we shared so much. Her Mom moved back to town as she separated from her husband. Anyway it was very hard on me as as far as I now I had give the relation all I could. We broke up in October last year sometime in Feb we got back in touch and started to hang out, and started to work on our differences. At times the past would come up and generally we were able to discuss it and resolve it, we had a big argument in April, where she got really drunk and threw a fit, we never raised our hands on eachother but that night she could not control herself started to really cry and when I went over to ask her to stop crying and console her she started to hit me and tell me that she doesn't love me and how she never wanted any commited relation and how she is much happier if I am not in her life. She told me I was the only one in the world that makes her cry and she never wanted that. She could not control herself so I took her home to our old place and got her to sleep and she was fine with that, she quietly hugged me and slept peacefully, but after that night a lot had changed. All our hugs and kisses were gone, forget making out. She again reduced coming over to see me and started to ask for her space again. I listened to her and gave her the space she wanted, we would meet at times and do the things we always wanted to, and go to the places we always wanted to, but never did. The next 2 months had both ups and downs, we started to sleep over at eachothers whenever her Mom was not in town, no making out though. We would go out to meet friends together and simply hang out with eachother, go to clubs and bars, movies, dinners, playing computer games all night, shopping for her or for me. In someway she started to be there for me, and I she started to call me whenever she needed someone or something, and ofcourse I was more than glad to help. Then came June, when she had to go stay with her dad for a month, thats about 2000Kms away, as it was her vacation, and she goes to meet him once a year. Before she left she spend the last 3 days with me, as Her mom was not in town, and she was quite happy, we did a lot of things together, and she left on a happy note. We would speak almost everyday, and one weekend I went to another town for a friends birthday, and she is a bit jealous or was of my friends Sister as both of us had been friends since childhood etc, and of course she would be there too. So I speak to her from the highway while driving and all is well, but then I did not call her after that. I finally called her late at night while I was out, cause she had sent my friend a SMS, and these are friends she stopped keeping in touch with since last October. When I called her back, I was not prepared to hear what she had to say, she just yellled at me over the phone for going out and partying, telling me how unfair I was to go out and party when she is not in town whereas if she wants to go out on her own ever she is not allowed to, she told me things like I was very selfish etc, and that I only call her when I need to etc and I never give her any space, and when I asked her why could she never call instead, she simply said there was not much to say and it is not necessary to talk everyday. After which I refused to call her unless she did. This happened on Saturday/Sunday then the next day I get an email with the following: "...and when it comes to u going to bbombay u dont need to give me an explanation. i am not mad at u 4 going. u can go anywhere u want. i dont own u unlike how u think that u own me..." , "..... i got mad cas u called me frm a club having a good time whereas for the past one month everytime i went out clubbing u made sure u ****ed it up in one way or another so basically u can go have a blast and call me cas ur having a great time but u ****ed up the same thing for me when i wanted to go out. i dint throw any tantrum but its jsut that all wat u;ve done to me has made me this way that it doesnt take me any time to get mad at you....." 2 days later I get another email:"....i'm sorry. i know u love me but invariably u end up doing things (unintentionally) that annoy me or make me upset. Anyway leave all that. Hope you;ve been fine. Had a dream about u this morning so thought i'll get in touch wit you. Take care...." After this email, she started calling every other day etc. but I never called cause I was hurt, then a week later she called me as simply said to me, that she is catching the train in an hour, and would be in town dayafter morning, but in the same sentence she said she doesnt want me to come to get her, and nor is anyone else getting her it is too early in the morning, and she would be fine. She said she would reach and call. She reched on Saturday morning, called me on Sunday evening but I never answered as I did not feel like talking to her. She expected me to bump into her at our favourite bar, but I did not go as I did not want it to be that way. She then called on Monday and tuseday and I did not answer. Then she sent me an sms asking what I had done so wrong that I was scared to talk to her. To which I ofcourse replied, that she is retarded to think that way, the reason I am not getting in touch is beacuse all she would do is hurt me again and again. She apologised and called me, we spoke and planned to meet the next day. And we did, we went out to dinner and spent the evening together, and from that day its been nearly 3 weeks she has met me each day and called if I haven't. My Mom was in town and she even invited us to meet Her Mom and her, and it was a nice evening. Then we went out on the weekend etc and things in general seem nice. But my issue is that I am just afraid till when next is she gonna throw her next tantrum and make me hurt again. The last 3 days I had been down with the flu and she has come over and spent time with as much as she could, sometimes we even take late night walks, where sometimes she asks me to hold her hand, and surprises me. She comes over we do a lot of things we used to and things feel really nice, in someway I now see she is making an effort to make things better between us. But still she tells me that we are not together and that it is too late now for me to act loving and caring towards her as I have already lost my chance. But then sometimes she will kiss me and hug me and surprise me. I mean I am always getting mixed signs from her, so it is really really confusing to me, and I am a bit blind in love too so I will keep on going on this way. YOu guys here I know this is really long so I hope you guys do read and give me advice as to what I should do. I mean things are better between us then before, we both are spending a lot of time together, her friends like me and her family too likes me, I just don't know how to go about telling her that all I want is a committed relationship, cause these ups and downs are taking a toll on me. We meet almost everyday and she is always happy to be around me, but she tells me she doesn't want a to be in relationship with me or anyone else for that matter for a while. I know I can take a horse to the water but can't make it drink, I just want to know how to make the horse thirsty, if you know what I mean. I feel after all this time, she likes me, and likes spending time with me, but for some reason, maybe the pain in the past has driven her away from a committed relationship, last night when I started to speak about us, and the past she said that it has been so long so can we not talk about it any more and just take it from here on, and see how it goes, she told me she really likes me, but she doesn't want anyone or anything more from me. She even says that she knows I really love her, and she sees that she is very important to me, but she says what more do I want from her, and she does all she can to make things better now, and spends all the time with me that she can, but in some way I still don't feel right. And please I hope NC is not the way again for me...
Recommended Posts