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Misty / AR / others who recently ended an affair


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Posted

How are you doing?

 

How is NC going?

Posted
How are you doing?

 

How is NC going?

I'm doing great....last count for me is Day 50 on the NC. However I did get a Father's day wish and 4th of July wish but didn't respond. Been on Match.com date and E-Harmony date....ewwww why do people lie about their age and weight? HEEHEE:D
Posted

Doing ok.

 

Haven't spoken to MM since early April....

 

Miss him terribly still but I suspect I always will , one way or another.

 

After that whole situation, it's hardened my heart some. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. I see the change in myself, but maybe it's for the best for now.

 

I have minimal interest in dating right now. I tried to go out with some guys here and there, even met some other english guy who ended up being married, and in the end just didn't want to bother with any of them.

 

I'm taking the MCAT exam in two days and that's what I need to focus on anyway. I see friends, I see family, I work and study.

 

I think about MM most days, still. At least once a day. But it's not 24 hours a day like it used to be. It's hard to totally push him out of my mind seeing as how he works in close proximity to my house and often see his car when I go home, we also have mutual friends and occasionally hear his name, am friends with his brother, etc. I still have daydreams about seeing him again one day, and wonder if we will ever meet again or be friends. Can't help the "what if" thoughts that pass through my mind, but I haven't acted on any of them. Haven't called, which is big for me. After four years of involvement with this man, he honestly was the man I fell in love with more than anyone else I'd ever met in my life. Sometimes I think I'll never meet anyone that makes me feel that way again, but it is what it is.

 

Plenty of men show interest in me, but maybe now is the time when my heart and mind need a break from relationships. I have other things keeping me busy.

 

Maybe I will see him again one day, maybe not. I would lying if I said I didn't wish I could have just one more hug, one more kiss...but its' ok. I'll be ok. I'll start medical school, and who knows who I'll meet there, right? Crazy things happen every day, you never know where life takes you.

 

I think in the end, what happened was the right thing, for now anyway. I think about his kids and I'm glad they have their father around. I have my doubts that him and his wife will stay married forever, and suspect when his kids grow up things may be different with their relationship, but its not my problem anymore. As much as I miss him, and occasionally feel like I may cry thinking about him, I think I cried alot more when I was seeing him.

 

Want to know what's worse than loving someone and not being able to see them? Being in love with someone and watching them go home to their wife after you've just made love for two hours. I never want to feel like that again. Ever.

 

Anyway. That's that, I guess. Hope everyone else is doing well.

 

KG

Posted
How are you doing?

 

How is NC going?

 

Honestly, not well. Sometimes I just want to roll in a ball and die. I am alternately devastated and angry. I'd rather not be more specific because I am weary of the thrashing that occurs so much around here. Feel free to pm me if you like.

Posted
I'm doing great....last count for me is Day 50 on the NC. However I did get a Father's day wish and 4th of July wish but didn't respond. Been on Match.com date and E-Harmony date....ewwww why do people lie about their age and weight? HEEHEE:D

 

LOL!!!!!! :lmao:

 

I am NC from xOM for almost two months now ( I ended things with him in FEB 09-have not seen him since then-wow has it been that long?) However, while I am NC from him...he is not NC from me. He continues to send texts and emails(though far and in-between-I think eventually it will just run its course)--he thinks NC is BS since we have agreed to remain friends.

Posted
Honestly, not well. Sometimes I just want to roll in a ball and die. I am alternately devastated and angry. I'd rather not be more specific because I am weary of the thrashing that occurs so much around here. Feel free to pm me if you like.

 

Misty

 

Don't know your story, I haven't been here in a while, feel free to check out my past posts but there's a gazillion of them. I stayed away for a month or two recently, in large part due to the thrashing. Many people are genuine and want to help, I think, but sometimes this place gets mentally tiring. Don't sweat the naysayers. In the end, you do what's right for you, and no one can decide that for you but you. Sometimes NOT talking about this incessantly can help as much as talking about it. Sometimes you need to just remove yourself. I forced myself to take a break from men altogether and spend my time working my @ss off, studying, and chilling with friends and family. It's a slow process, but everything happens for a reason. it's all a learning experience, and in ten years you'll be that much stronger for it.

 

Regret is pointless, so don't bother. Learn, want better for yourself, and move on. Rationalizing that someone mgiht really love you but he can't leave his wife because of A, B, and C are useless. Maybe A, B, and C are legitimate reasons, but words are useless and actions are what bring life together.

 

Anyway. Dont know your story, and I dont know you, but I can tell you without knowing either that you'll be ok, even if it doesnt seem so now. Feel free to pm me if you want. I sound like a nutter on here occasionally when I get emotional, but my patients tell me Im a pretty good therapist ;-)

Posted

It's HARD, HARD, HARD...to keep my mouth shut & not go berserk on him, that is! Right now I'm in the anger stage, obviously... ;)

Posted

NC isn't working, because we work together, and we still talk about "stuff". But, the conversations have gotten shorter, lighter, we are both happier (not sad or depressed) and taking it one day at a time.

 

We don't text or phone each other anymore, or email, so while we do have casual conversations, it's more like it's back to the way it was a year ago before we were having sex and falling in love. Kind of like the last 8 years that we've worked together. We don't have to be stuck up professionals. We can still share a joke and laugh and not get caught up in the past, that part is easy because we have always had a good friendship.

 

I know I need to pull myself away a bit farther, he knows we need a little more distance as well. We will get there. But we are also open to talking with each other if needed. I know some people here don't agree with that.

Posted

I miss his fine 6ft 200lb ass!!

 

But I have to treat him like crack!!:)

 

I think Whitney Houston said "crack is whack!!" and he is just that.....whack.

 

Tried to sell me those dreams and I totally fell for him. I am so glad that we were only seeing each other for three months before I got out.

 

I am doing well. He works down the street from me and I can't remember the last time I looked for his truck, so I have definitely moved on.

 

Have been NC for about 105 days and very much looking forward to my future and all that life has to offer.

 

I would never give my heart to someone else's husband.

Posted

I'm sure some of you are having a rough time getting over MM but you will get over it. It won't stuck in your mind forever.

 

Alternating between anger and devastation or disappointment are just one step further into getting over him (speaking from experience after my previous ex broke up with me). I know it's different for everyone but I believe you ladies will get through the end of the A.

Posted

You guys, NC is really hard. I'm really proud of all of you.

 

If everyone backed each other up when people started bashing, this forum would live up to it's intention. It wasn't always this way. There was plenty of INTENSE disagreements when I first started, but all the OW banded together and bashed back.

 

This is really your forum now. You guys decide how it will be.

 

If you're not getting what you need from this forum, maybe it's time to change that.

 

GEL

Posted
You guys, NC is really hard. I'm really proud of all of you.

 

If everyone backed each other up when people started bashing, this forum would live up to it's intention. It wasn't always this way. There was plenty of INTENSE disagreements when I first started, but all the OW banded together and bashed back.

 

This is really your forum now. You guys decide how it will be.

 

If you're not getting what you need from this forum, maybe it's time to change that.

 

GEL

I'm just pissed at myself for not doing it on D-day(11/21/08)!!! I would have saved myself a lot of pain and grief.
  • Author
Posted

Why is it that people who disagree are "bashing"?

 

Yes, there are some people who can be rough - but most of the "fighting" is infighting amongst posters; NOT bashing the OP.

 

And what constitutes bashing? Stating an opinion which isn't in agreement with what the OP wants?

 

To the people who answered - thank you. I wanted this thread to be about you all; not about anything else and unfortunately, it seems to be turning that way. :(

Posted
Why is it that people who disagree are "bashing"?

 

Yes, there are some people who can be rough - but most of the "fighting" is infighting amongst posters; NOT bashing the OP.

 

And what constitutes bashing? Stating an opinion which isn't in agreement with what the OP wants?

 

To the people who answered - thank you. I wanted this thread to be about you all; not about anything else and unfortunately, it seems to be turning that way. :(

 

Funny, perception is reality isn't it?

 

This should be a place where people can be REAL. I get lots of PM's because posters feel they can't be real on this forum.

 

And that is the real travesty.

 

If you don't like what I write OP, then put me on ignore. Because I want this forum to be what it is intended for: support for people with committed partners.

 

GEL

Posted
Why is it that people who disagree are "bashing"?

 

Yes, there are some people who can be rough - but most of the "fighting" is infighting amongst posters; NOT bashing the OP.

 

And what constitutes bashing? Stating an opinion which isn't in agreement with what the OP wants?

 

To the people who answered - thank you. I wanted this thread to be about you all; not about anything else and unfortunately, it seems to be turning that way. :(

 

I just meant that there is a way to help people see reality and a way to bash them. Some people, particularly a few bitter BS's have posted things on OW threads that have essentially called them who*es, that they get what they deserve, question how they could be so stupid, scream that they are not a victim, etc. While there may in some cases even be some value in the underlying message, it's all lost on the OP because of the hurtful bashing tone.

 

There has also been more subtle diminishment with this bullsh*t idea that the only real love that exists is between a H and W and anything else is "affair fog". I'm sure that makes some BS's sleep better at night, but it just isn't always true. My point is that i wish that if people are triggered by something and can't bring themselves to say anything nice, stay off the thread. That's all.

 

Personally I am afraid to say certain things because I don't want the onslaught I know I'll get from people who are trying to lash out at someone else in their lives (probably the actual OW/OM in their lives). I am here because I feel vulnerable and sad, I don't need additonal tire tracks across my stomach. I am glad however to have had the oppurunity to meet some members who have been helpful, even though they may not say what I want to hear. So, based on the hostility that happens around here sometimes -If getting support and advice without slaughter means Pm-ing, so be it.

Posted

After nearly 3 years had a large falling out with MW and we have decided to end it. Pushed her away and tried NC, it's eating me up after only 3 days. Got massively drunk last night, picked a fight with a random guy (not sure how, I only recall him verballing me), was thrown out of a genteel establishment and woke up in a pool of my own vomit in my bedroom. Realised that I sent her a few late night messages before I passed out too. Am really regretting everything right now. Will be looking for an AA session later today.

 

Hope everyone else is doing a bit better with their NC.

Posted
After nearly 3 years had a large falling out with MW and we have decided to end it. Pushed her away and tried NC, it's eating me up after only 3 days. Got massively drunk last night, picked a fight with a random guy (not sure how, I only recall him verballing me), was thrown out of a genteel establishment and woke up in a pool of my own vomit in my bedroom. Realised that I sent her a few late night messages before I passed out too. Am really regretting everything right now. Will be looking for an AA session later today.

 

Hope everyone else is doing a bit better with their NC.

yikes! Thats pretty extreme! AA is not a bad place for you, if all that happened:o Good Luck, it will get better, stay strong!:)
  • Author
Posted

I know sometimes it is hard to hear certain things. I have belonged to other forums and went there for guidance and advice and got hammered for my thoughts.

 

But ya know what -- I have learned to take what I need and leave the rest.

 

Some people give 'real' advice. Some people don't sugar coat things. Some people want sunshine blown up their rears. It is all each individual's perceptions of advice. There is no 'right' way or 'wrong' way.

 

I am not a BS; but I am sure I am one of the harder ones on people. Just because someone gives advice with harsher words, doesn't mean they are 'bitter' people.

 

Advice, support, encouragement, straight talk, etc -- some of the harshest words give the best advice. Some times it is hard to hear. Some times the delivery isn't in the nicest words. Doesn't mean the message is any less valuable.

 

Some of the advice is from women/men who have BEEN THERE, DONE THAT and is hoping to stop someone from going down a path that will only lead to heartache. No different than pulling someone from the train tracks as a train is barreling down the path.

 

Sometimes it is hard to hear 'reality'. I really don't think anyone responds to posters with the sincere intent to hurt or be malicious. I could be wrong. I know there has been many infighting IN posts.

 

If more posters focused on the OP and their issue, maybe the infighting will stop or maybe those who seem to only want to do that will get bored and move on.

 

Misty, I am sorry you have felt like you can't be here ALL the way. I hope that you can read other posts and apply the answers you give to yourself. I hope you can find it within yourself to be happy.

 

RamChops - yikes! But ya know, maybe you hit "rock bottom" and now will be able to move on - FINALLY? I hope you found an AA meeting and I am glad nothing more extreme happened to you (ie not waking up from alcohol poisioning, not drowning in your vomit, etc). I hope today is a better day for YOU and you can start to rebuild your life.

 

Confused - stop beating yourself up for not doing something sooner. The good news is - you eventually DID and maybe you needed to go through the hurt and pain to heal in a way that will not make you fall back?

 

Sugarmomma - how does it feel to have all that weight off you!! :)

 

MWC - as time goes by, you will start pullling further and further away -- as they say, you can't go back sometimes (from friends, to lovers, back to friends). You will know when and how it is time to start really moving on with your life.

 

Stopthedrama -- I don't get from your posts you are ready for the drama to stop. I think you still want him -- and if only fighting can get you to have contact with him -- you are willing to settle for just that.

 

Kismet - glad to see you. I hope your MCAT's went well! When will you find out the results? You 'sound' so much better than a couple months ago.

 

Tam -- sounds like you are standing strong against him going against what you asked.

 

I hope everyone who is going through the end of an A realizes how truly important YOU are and how you should never, ever settle for being "on the side" and a 'dirty little secret'. You deserve someone to love YOU; someone who can and will scream to the world how much in love they are. I hope each of you continue on your individual paths to happiness.

Posted

Stopthedrama -- I don't get from your posts you are ready for the drama to stop. I think you still want him -- and if only fighting can get you to have contact with him -- you are willing to settle for just that.

 

At first I was torn between wanting him and wanting this nonsense to stop but that has long since passed. I have stopped the A, am in NC outside of work and am progressing. I think I made that pretty clear in my most recent threads. If not, either I did not explain myself and the situation appropriately or you simply misread me.

Posted
Why is it that people who disagree are "bashing"?

 

Yes, there are some people who can be rough - but most of the "fighting" is infighting amongst posters; NOT bashing the OP.

 

And what constitutes bashing? Stating an opinion which isn't in agreement with what the OP wants?

 

To the people who answered - thank you. I wanted this thread to be about you all; not about anything else and unfortunately, it seems to be turning that way. :(

 

Forgive me if this is long, and I won't say anything further on the bashing topic as it doesn't quite relate to this thread but I hope some OW/OM's will take solace from it, and some advice-givers might take heed. Not insult, mind you, just an opinion from a person who is of the group this forum was meant to represent, and you're all welcome to disregard it.

 

But, I think people often forget the title of this forum. Just in case a reminder is needed:

 

"The Other Man/Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner."

 

I realize it says support AND discussion, but I believe since this forum is a place where us as OM's and OW's can find support, and generally we do not find actual support in many arenas due to the inherent nature of being "the bad guy" in the infidelity scenario despite the MM or MW, in my opinion, being most at fault, but I like to think this might be one place where a person in that position could post totally freely and not be judged negatively, just objectively, maybe. But that fault argument is irrelevant here. According to many, the OP is at fault. We are the tempters of seduction, the ones that shoudl have known better and stayed away, right? Yeah. If everyone avoided doing unfortunate things just because they should have known better, no one would ever make mistakes in life, and no one is so perfect that they've gone through life without doing that. And if they take the moral high horse and say they never have and never would make an erronious judgement, then chances are they're secretly alot worse than you think.

 

While it is ideal to think we could all just weed out the good advice from the bashing posts, sometimes its tough when you are in an emotional state of mind to be able to really ignore the latter, no matter how much you;d like to, so forgive me if I do a little thinking out loud on the whole concept of why some OW/OM's might feel the whole "bashing" concept bothers them so much...

 

I dont want to get into an off topic argument about what bashing necessarily entails, but let me just tell you that, for many people, and particularly many women, the "tough love" approach does not work. Many women on here who acquiesce to the tough love bashing they get on here, is mostly due to wanting to placate their "bashers" and hope that they simply STOP with the bashing. You've read it yourself above- women such as Mysty admit they have often stopped posting for fear of soliciting responses that are not necessarily in opposition to what she is or has done, but the manner in which it is presented to her. To fear the anger of anonymous people should attest to the emotional frailty that many people find themselves in when they resort in desperation to asking strangers to listen to their dilemma. Maybe it isn't what you want to hear, but once in a while, people just want a sympathetic ear. Advice is great, it's what we come here for as well, but offer it as an option instead of stating that anyone who doesn't take it immediately is essentially a fool. You can point fingers when you are in the exact same position as the person to whom you offer advice. And since no two people or situations are exactly the same, no two people will EVER be in exactly the same position, only in similiar ones, and so pointing fingers and condescending tones should, hopefully, be absent from a forum meant to foster sympathetic kindness and helpful direction. Occasionally men favour the direct "tough" approach, but I find women respond better to emotional interpretation of what they are going through, rather than trivializing their feelings and basically insinuating they are idiots that should know better.

 

I consider myself a very strong, independent woman in the general scheme of things, but sometimes what people deemed was tough love given to me in the course of my A, honestly just made me doubt my own emotions, and their very validity. However much I should have ended my A earlier, and however much it seemed "wrong", my emotions and my feelings regarding MM were very real, and feeling like an idiot about them didnt help me to heal- it did the opposite. It made me defensive (as is often obvious in my old posts) and confused and sidetracked the healing process. To heal, you need to accept the situation so you can see it clearly. People sometimes think that they are telling you the "right" thing to do, but with limited exception, most people on here have their own agenda whether they will admit it or not, or if they even consciously realize it. By nature human beings are biased by their own personal experience, and I am no different. Hell, this whole post may be wholly biased if you think, and that's ok to think. But you'll rarely, if ever, see me give anyone black-white advice in a manner that insinuates to them that if they don't follow my advice immediately and as I stated, that they are miserable failures that desire prolongated agony on purpose. We;re here only to help show some options that might otherwise be clouded given their current emotional state.

 

I recall an individual on here, that was a BS himself, that had supposedly fixed his marriage following his wife's infidelity, and used to say with unrelenting finality that the only way a couple could heal from infidelity, or the ONLY way a OP could remove themselves from an A was that they MUST do A, B and C, and ONLY in that order, and only in that way. That total NC was imperative, even if it meant losing your job just to not be near your former affair partner. Does it make sense to put oneself on the street, unable to pay rent, so you can have NC? No, it doesn't. As I said...shades of grey.

 

This BS that used to write on here, perhaps he is still here, He used to say his wife admitted, after much time, to "not really" feeling the way she used to claim about her OM, that she was in an affair fog, that her emotions were biased at the time towards him. That she had looked back on the A with rose coloured classes and had "convinced" herself that her marriage was more probematic then it was. Does it not then follow by logic that it is then possible that, come given the chance to lose her marriage and life she had built she then trivialized the problems in her marriage that caused her to cheat to begin with so she could once again be in the good graces of the spouse she had betrayed? Rose coloured glasses view not only the past but also the present and future. Everyone views every situation differently when they are on the outside eh?

 

Sometimes you have to do A, C, D, E and then maybe later on B. Maybe sometimes you skip B and C altogether. I found that, for me, gradual dissociation from my MM has worked best. I relapsed, many times, back and forth, over four and a half years or so. Maybe I will again, but I hope not. I haven't yet. After this last time we broke up, I finally felt strong enough to tell him many things I was unable to say before, and it helped with my ending of the A in the long run. So, maybe it took me several relapses. I threw out some emails. I responded to a couple of his phone calls. Slowly yet surely I disbanded, as opposed to the sudden and infinite NC I was told I should go do, because sudden NC just never seemed to work well. I'd always fall back to him, thinking I missed something. Sometimes I still think I'll see him again, but nowadays I belive it's more out of missing "that old feeling" or curiousity rather than an innate need. And that's ok. It's the first time in four years I've been able to hold back from calling him right away, no matter how bad I may want to. Maybe it took me a while, but that's what I needed to do. Again, because my situation is different than yours. Simliar, perhaps, but different. I'll never be able to give anyone definite advice here and neither can anyone else, because I know from personal and professional experience that that is not the best way to get results out of my patients, and it sure as hell isn't the way to give advice to people whose situations I know even less. While this BS I speak of and others like him are well meaning, and I do not mean to single him out but purely to cite example, no two situations are alike and you will never find me giving advice with some finality on an anonymous website where I will never know the true depth of a person's situation. All it does is make a person feel worse. That perhaps if they don't do it the way everyone on here says, they are doing it wrong. That they are wrong. That their feelings are wrong. I may make suggestions, but I do not state that it is all or nothing, black or white, because life is serenely all in shades of gray, and never moreso than for situations of such an emotional nature. You may seek to help a person, but people are often not careful in how they word their opinions, of which they have every right, but thre is a difference between stating "this is MY opinion and what I would do in my own situation", or instead telling a person over and over on here "No, no, no. YOU are wrong. YOU must do as I say, and if you go not follow our collective loveshack advice immediately and as we say it, and if you continue to argue and discuss the confusion of emotion you have, and if you happen to relapse into disapproving liasons and/or behaviour, then we'll be sick of you and tell you you are just "seeking attention" or "looking for drama."

 

That is by far one of the cruelest things I see on here. To speak from my own experience and the feeling of horrid dread I experienced in the process of dis-attachment from my MM that, to some, seemed to take too long (when in reality I don't see how taking even a year to get over someone I was involved with for over four years is really that disproportionate, and to be honest, maybe it would take me four years to get over, what is a "normal" period to get over someone anyway?), to be told "gee KG, we think you are just a drama queen/looking for drama/want to be miserable." (or even worse, sometimes, talking about me in the third person on my own bloody thread as if i were some retarded child who just wasn't getting it.)

 

No matter how much you may disagree with someone, you shoudl never make them feel that their feelings about a situation or a person are insignificant or wrong. People do not generally actively seek misery, and if it seems that they do, it's often because they are just really inherently unhappy. Telling them they are drama queens and 'asking for it' services no one and certainly helps no one. Emotions to one person are uniquely their own experience. Whether or not the actions they've been engaged in is something that is unhealthy for them is one thing, but when you tell someone they are wrong for feeling the way they do, you make them doubt themselves, and no one can heal and move forward when they constantly doubt themslves. They have to come to peace with themselves and their situation, and it takes longer for some, and it takes different routes for some.

 

I have healed more, in some ways, in the time I have stayed away from here than in the time I spent on here, not because I never received helpful advice or a kind ear- I received both in spades, and they often put a smile on my face on some days when i felt particularly down and didn't feel like talking to anyone in real life that day. But sometimes a kind ear and a sympathetic word are what some people need instead of "No, you are wrong, this is what you should do and if you don't do it immediately you are a lost cause and wasting our time". I wasn't looking for avocation or affirmation of my actions, mind you. I wasn't looking for anyone to tell me I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing, I think I originally came here just to get that sort of humane feeling of relativity when you feel some solace in knowing that other people are going through the same thing you are, and that it's ok, and it'll work out somehow. Or even if they aren't going through a simliar thing, just by their nature as other human beings, they want to provide me with options they feel might work for me, as products of their own life experiences, and perhaps maybe one of those options may help me decide to move in the right direction for me.

 

Isn't that what this forum is? Not definitive advice, per say, but rather an amassing of life experience and collaboration of human sympathies in an anonymous and yet surreal intimate discussion. Your greatest secrets are revealed to people that will never know you, or perhaps pass by you on the street every day, but you'll never know either way and it doesnt matter. What matters is that you have this option, and in the end, you take in the advice and sympathies of the online people and the real life people, and integrate that so that you can , hopefully, make the best decision so you are able to be....simply....happy. Whatever that means.

 

Sorry if that was excessive. Just had to get some of that out there.

 

For those old and new, I wish you nothing but happiness in all your endeavors future and present, and realize that at the end of the day life is ridiculous, life is fleeting, life is spontaneous and wonderful, and the point is to live, divinely aware, and that, hey, cliched as it sounds, this too shall pass. :-)

 

cheers

 

KG

Posted

I really admire all of you here.

 

And if your goal is to end up with your MP, don't be afraid to state it.

 

Part of the reason I didn't post alot on my own situation was that I wanted it all. And I didn't entertain any negativity regarding it. So if you are waiting it, I say you at least have a 50/50 chance. And you certaintly don't have a worse chance than the W, no matter what anyone says here. You just have to have guts, a feeling that you ARE meant to be and perseverance. Because even the BS has an endurance level. Don't be afraid to say you're in it for the long haul if you are. I was and so were/are several of my friends.

 

I say to each his own. You make your own destiny. I made mine what I wanted. So should you.

 

GEL

Posted
I really admire all of you here.

 

And if your goal is to end up with your MP, don't be afraid to state it.

 

Part of the reason I didn't post alot on my own situation was that I wanted it all. And I didn't entertain any negativity regarding it. So if you are waiting it, I say you at least have a 50/50 chance. And you certaintly don't have a worse chance than the W, no matter what anyone says here. You just have to have guts, a feeling that you ARE meant to be and perseverance. Because even the BS has an endurance level. Don't be afraid to say you're in it for the long haul if you are. I was and so were/are several of my friends.

 

I say to each his own. You make your own destiny. I made mine what I wanted. So should you.

 

GEL

 

True

 

Just be careful that they don't confuse perseverance and a "gut feeling" with misdirected hope.

 

W may have a 50/50 chance emotionally, or less even, but they often have more keeping him around in other ways (kids, house, etc) and sadly, many of them will stay unhappily married stringing along OW's for years. No one should waste years waiting for someone. If they're meant to be, they'll come back on their own, and if they're lucky, you'll still be single.

 

Don't get me wrong....I held out hope for ages, and secretly I probably still do sometimes, I just am not goin to sit around waiting for him to realize it anymore.

 

You can only make things happen to a certain extent. You were lucky in being able to fulfill the future you desired. Not everyone gets that happy ending, no matter how badly they want it.

 

Just saying, people should try to look at their situation realistically.

Posted

I very rarely post about my own situation for that reason. Its not worth it most of the time.

Posted

Hi KG, I think that was an excellent post ! Your right every situation is different. I always wonder why OUR room attracts so many BS. I would think that the infidelity room could use their help much more. But I guess they are not healed yet, and get some kind of satisfaction on bashing us. In a way its a indirect slam against the op in their CS life. I dont post much about my situation, or my feelings that I have, just because I dont want to argue. I had to laugh when you wrote about "him" hoot hoot" lol, The ABC therory, ones size fits all. The rose colored glasses, loved your analogy on that one! KG, I have followed your story from the Begining, I am happy for you that you are on the way to healing. I miss your post, you were always so very honest and open about your situation, something that many of us others wont be on ls. But by you being the way you were, we were learning right their with you.. Wishing you love peace and Happiness, mino

Posted
I really admire all of you here.

 

And if your goal is to end up with your MP, don't be afraid to state it.

 

Part of the reason I didn't post alot on my own situation was that I wanted it all. And I didn't entertain any negativity regarding it. So if you are waiting it, I say you at least have a 50/50 chance. And you certaintly don't have a worse chance than the W, no matter what anyone says here. You just have to have guts, a feeling that you ARE meant to be and perseverance. Because even the BS has an endurance level. Don't be afraid to say you're in it for the long haul if you are. I was and so were/are several of my friends.

 

I say to each his own. You make your own destiny. I made mine what I wanted. So should you.

 

GEL

 

But GEL, you walked away from your MM, didn't you? You were no longer willing to be the second-fiddle participant in the A... AND YOU WERE FULLY PREPARED TO GO ON LIVING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM - right? So when you say "I was in it for the long haul" and "you have to have guts, a feeling that you ARE meant to be, and perseverance" - what exactly do you mean by that?

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