SummerLady Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have a good friend that has been having an affair for 2 years with someone from her work. She is a dear friend. It finally ended and she is having a hard time with it. She calls and emails me constantly talking about him, or his wife and just sad and misreable. She is doing what we all do when we break up. He broke up with her. Her husband is suspicious and has asked her on serveral occasions what is wrong but he knows nothing. I love her dearly but I can't listen to it anymore. She is soo unhappy in her marriage but intends on staying married, got the kids the house, and everything else. I don't know what to tell her or say anymore and listening is not enough for her she wants me to give her advice. Part of me wants to say get divorced your not happy. I don't know.....I am at my wit's end. Thoughts>
NoIDidn't Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 The best I can offer is to tell her to talk to a therapist because her need to dissect the affair and its aftermath is putting a strain on your friendship. A therapist is best suited to what she needs anyway. Or a divorce lawyer.
lovekillsslowly Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Why don't you just tell her about the LS site? Tell her that you would like to be able to offer her some helpful advice but you are at a loss as what to say or do for her and that you thought this site might be helpful to her. That's my thought.
Andy L Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Tell her to get a divorce or just let her being an unhappy.
norajane Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 She is soo unhappy in her marriage but intends on staying married, got the kids the house, and everything else. If that's what she's decided to do, then you could suggest marriage counseling for them, and individual counseling for her. Tell her that you care about her and want to help her, but her marital problems and unhappiness (and possible depression) are bigger than you know how to handle, and that you simply don't know what advice to give her because the real answers lie with her and her husband, not you. Tell her this is out of your realm of experience so you don't know how to truly help her get past this instead of just dwelling on it by talking about him over and over. You could also try telling her that she's going through the worst of it now, the immediate aftermath of the break-up. That she will come out of it, and when she does, she may have a different view of her marriage than she does now. Affairs have a way of making you rewrite marital history and believe things are worse in the marriage than they actually are. It's called the "affair fog", and when it lifts, she may see things more clearly than she does now. And you can suggest she go online to the marriagebuilders.com site. There are articles there about surviving affairs and rebuilding marriages. She can also Google "affair fog" and read about what she's been experiencing for the last two years.
sugarmomma Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Most of the time she is probably just wanting a listening ear and not an answer to her situation. You shouldn't feel a need to say anything to her since she has to make her own decisions. Do not ever tell someone to divorce their spouse because if she does and regrets it, you will be the reason. Just try to be a friend that is supportive and and will offer a listening ear. Don't offer any advice because she probably isn't in a state of mind where she can be logical. If she asks "what should I do?" you answer "I don't know, what do you think you want to do?". Always redirect her questions back to her. JMHO.
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