m1049 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I am a single male in my early 30s. I try to live a moral life and treat everyone with respect. For years, however, my conscience has been troubled by something I did when I was a senior in high school. I was paired with a student one year younger than me, a young woman, as leaders of an extracurricular activity. During this time, I subjected the other student to a form of sexual harassment -- crude comments often made verbally or written onto her computer files. I did this because of my immaturity rather than because of any intent to hurt her, but it's long bothered me nonetheless. Eventually, she asked me to stop, and I did, but I knew my behavior still hurt her because she refused to keep in touch with me after I graduated. Now it's 14 years later. She's now married and has a young child. I was planning to send her a letter apologizing for my conduct as a young man and seeking forgiveness for my behavior. As part of my contrition, I was also planning to make a donation in her family's honor to a local program for victims of domestic violence, which seems to be an appropriate charity in this case. Before I send the letter, I wanted to get some opinions as to how she might react to receiving this letter. Do you think she will react positively, or do you think she might find it awkward or consider the letter a pathetic attempt to re-establish contact? Maybe I'd be reminding her of something she had wanted to forget? What do you think?
Thaddeus Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 This reminds me of something I did many years ago. I went with a girl in high school, back when brontosaurus' roamed the earth (man, they ate a lot! and the POOP... you have NO idea... but anyway...) and when she and I finally split it wasn't on very good terms. I actually led her to believe that I had a sexual encounter with someone else, even though I didn't. I just wanted out of the relationship but was too much of a coward to just cut it off like a man. Pretty pathetic, eh? It bothered me for a long, long time. Years, in fact. Anyway, fast forward over 20 years. A couple of cross country moves and many, many changes took place and I found myself back in the same city where she lived. I looked her up and took her to lunch. Over lunch, I apologized for my boorish behavior in high school. And I'll never forget her response: "Really? I don't remember that. Are you sure that was me?" I assured her that yes, it was her. "Funny. I honestly don't remember that at all." I felt like an idiot. We finished lunch, making small talk, and parted as friends. Point is, what may be eating a hole in our soul might not even be in the awareness of the person we think we have harmed. That's the back-story to this: By all means, make your apologies, and I really like the idea of making a donation to a woman's shelter in her family's name. But don't be surprised, like I was, if she has NO idea what you're talking about.
Recommended Posts