noclobber Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 hey guys, I used to be a regular poster here long time ago... some peeps here might remember me (walk, lishy, yamaha, alphamale etc) Well anyways, I need some advice about this girl that works with me... I am an Indian and she is a pretty Hispanic girl.. we both are in our 30s. She works in the same company as me but in a different department. I spoke to her couple of times and asked her for lunch. She readily agreed and we went out for lunch and had a really good time. During the conversation she mentioned that she is broken up with her boyfriend but has given him a deadline to make up his mind about her. That deadline was June 2. I really didn't understand the whole June 2 deadline stuff but I didn't probe too deep into that. After a week or two, in late May, I asked her for lunch again and she came out with me. By this time I realized I had a crush on her but yet I didn't know what to make of the June 2 deadline. This time also we had a fabulous time at lunch. I was also very touchy-feely with her. After the lunch I asked her for a walk in the mini trail that is located close to our company and she said 'yes'. I kinda considered that as a mini date. My plan was to officially ask her out for dinner during the walk. On the day we were supposed to go for the walk she wasn't to be seen around. I went to her cubicle and she wasn't there. We had planned to go for the walk at 2pm. I got frustrated... and at 2:45pm she sent me an email "Hi Noclobber, I worked from home today but hopefully next week we can go walking. I'll see you tomorrow". I felt disappointed as I felt she blew me off without an apology. The email was 45 mins late as well. I just kept quiet and did not reply to her email. The next day we saw each other and she just smiled at me and went away. I did not know what to make of this but nevertheless wanted to take one more chance with her. On June 3rd I went to her cubicle and asked if she would be interested in going to a movie with me on Saturday. She said that she had some plans for that day and so may be some other time. I knew I got rejected and said 'no problem' and walked away. I wondered if she got back with her boyfriend the day before (June 2). That was the last time I spoke to her. After that if I came across her I just smiled but never talked. Today I was in the parking lot heading towards my car and there she was about to get into her car. She saw me, smiled and said "hey how are you? i swung by your cubicle many times but could not find you. we should do lunch some time. i am in a rush and about to leave but i will send you an email. bye". I said "oh ok" and got into my car. I am kinda confused about this girl now and need some insight. Why does she talk to me after such a long time?? Why would she want to go for lunch again with me AFTER knowing that I was interested in her (and she didn't feel the same)??? Any thoughts?
Thaddeus Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Two possibilities: She wants you as a "friend" with all the attendant displeasures (for you) that come with that She's had a change of heart after you withdrew and may now be interested in getting to know you on a more meaningful level Impossible to know which it is, but I'd bet the farm it's one of these reasons. My guess it that it's more likely #1 but I can't know for sure.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I am kinda confused about this girl now and need some insight. Why does she talk to me after such a long time?? Why would she want to go for lunch again with me AFTER knowing that I was interested in her (and she didn't feel the same)??? Any thoughts? It sounds like she might have gotten back together with her BF and she is now friendzoning you. You should get aggressive and just talk to her about it. Just say, something like... I like you, I think your very beautiful, did you get back together with you BF... because if not, I would like to take you to _______.
Author noclobber Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Thx for the quick responses guys.. Yes, even I am wondering if she wants to friendzone me and have the benefits of companionship without having to give anything in return. I have been in this situation before and would NEVER want to be in that position again. Bottom line -> I will not be just friends with a girl that I am attracted to. But my dilemma is I have no idea how to find out this girl's intentions.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 But my dilemma is I have no idea how to find out this girl's intentions. You have to ask her. The more direct the better.
Thaddeus Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 But my dilemma is I have no idea how to find out this girl's intentions. Take her to lunch. Flirt. Maybe give her a kiss as you part. Her reactions will tell you everything you need to know.
Author noclobber Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Ok.. so if she asks me for lunch I will accept and see how it goes... I am not sure about the kiss though... I kinda feel its awkward.. after finishing lunch we both have to come back to work. And if things didn't go well it would be very awkward right? I did get touchy-feely during the second lunch.. like I touched her shoulders, hair, and thighs.
Phateless Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Take her to lunch. Flirt. Maybe give her a kiss as you part. Her reactions will tell you everything you need to know. Agreed. This girl obviously has baggage with her ex anyway. You should move on and meet other women. Why are you focused on this one? There are 7 billion people on the planet. Half of them are women. Why let one of them give you the run around? You deserve better.
Author noclobber Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Agreed. This girl obviously has baggage with her ex anyway. You should move on and meet other women. Why are you focused on this one? There are 7 billion people on the planet. Half of them are women. Why let one of them give you the run around? You deserve better. I know.. and I am looking for other women too.. But I do like this girl and when hinted at lunch again today that got me thinking.
Thaddeus Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Go do lunch. Oh, and be a gentleman and pay for it. (By the way, what IS your avatar? Some sort of cryptic symbol for something? It's got me curious.)
Author noclobber Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Go do lunch. Oh, and be a gentleman and pay for it. (By the way, what IS your avatar? Some sort of cryptic symbol for something? It's got me curious.) sorry, but are you serious or are you being sarcastic? i am a bit confused. why should i pay for her when it is not a date? my avatar? haha... its nothing cryptic.. long time back when i was new to this forum i searched for some image and found this one to be pretty neat.
Bayern Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Might as well try if she wants to now. As long as you're not interested in anyone else, of course. Which state in India are you from by the way? Out of curiousity
Author noclobber Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Might as well try if she wants to now. As long as you're not interested in anyone else, of course. Which state in India are you from by the way? Out of curiousity I am from Madras, South India
Thaddeus Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 sorry, but are you serious or are you being sarcastic? i am a bit confused. why should i pay for her when it is not a date?No, I wasn't being sarcastic at all. I just think it's the gentlemanly thing to do. my avatar? haha... its nothing cryptic.. long time back when i was new to this forum i searched for some image and found this one to be pretty neat.OK, cool. Just curious.
Bayern Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I am from Madras, South India Mom is from Hyderabad, but went to school (and I have many relatives) in Madras. I've been before - beautiful place. Anyway....good luck
xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 You've been friendzoned. You've given her plenty of chances to go out with you, but her constant behavior of backing out means she doesn't value you in the similar way you see her. Accept it, but also accept there's someone else better out there as well who will reciprocate.
Author noclobber Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 You've been friendzoned. You've given her plenty of chances to go out with you, but her constant behavior of backing out means she doesn't value you in the similar way you see her. Accept it, but also accept there's someone else better out there as well who will reciprocate. Thanks for your honest opinion. I accepted her decision last month itself and I backed off from her. We spoke today after June 3... more than a month. I was just confused as to why she is suddenly talking to me and why she wants to go for lunch again, especially AFTER knowing that I fancy her.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Thanks for your honest opinion. I accepted her decision last month itself and I backed off from her. We spoke today after June 3... more than a month. I was just confused as to why she is suddenly talking to me and why she wants to go for lunch again, especially AFTER knowing that I fancy her. She wasn't on the same page as you, thinking that asking someone out is equivalent to actually dating them. She sees no need to avoid you if she's only trying to be friendly, but you don't see it that way. You said so yourself that you would not be friends with someone you're interested in hence why you're confused to why she wants to go to lunch with you. Remember she's a colleague. Were there any company policy that prohibits you from dining with them? If not, accept her good will that she wants to just have lunch with you, but also know that you also have the choice to reject interactions with her outside of work.
Author noclobber Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 She wasn't on the same page as you, thinking that asking someone out is equivalent to actually dating them. She sees no need to avoid you if she's only trying to be friendly, but you don't see it that way. You said so yourself that you would not be friends with someone you're interested in hence why you're confused to why she wants to go to lunch with you. Remember she's a colleague. Were there any company policy that prohibits you from dining with them? If not, accept her good will that she wants to just have lunch with you, but also know that you also have the choice to reject interactions with her outside of work. Yea, sounds fair. I will go for the lunch if she invites me and see how things go. If I get the vibe that this is nothing but friendship then I will refuse to spend time outside of work.
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