ichi Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 First post here. It's not my usual thing to post personal stuff on forums but I really need to get this off my chest and there's nothing like the anonymity of the internet. I'm hoping after this I can just forget about her. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read it, even more so if they reply. She's 23, I'm 25. We'd been going out for about a year, during which she was always ridiculously flirty with me and other men after a few drinks. She told me she'd slept with more people that I was comfortable with (40-50 for a 22 year old?!?), and it takes a lot for me to find something like that uncomfortable. I forgot about it though, and she told me she could be trusted so I shouldn't worry and I believed her. A year later and she's now pregnant. I assumed it was my child, now I'm not even sure. The pregnancy was accidental, and while she wanted to keep it I thought it was a bad idea and that neither of us were ready for it. She didn't listen to me. We separated for a while over it, mainly because the prospect of fatherhood frightened me and I thought it was bad timing. I decided that I wasn't going to be one of these irresponsible fathers though, and I still liked her so I changed my mind and we got back together a few weeks ago. However a few days ago everything changed. I found out about some of things she'd been up to a few months into our relationship. One night at a party we were both at she had been passing herself around the room to a bunch of men like a prostitute, kissing, touching their naked penises (?!?!) and even allowing 2 men at the same time to suck on her breasts. I just lost it when I found out. I remember the party, I was standing in the next room, keeping her friend from university company at her request while she had her fun. I had no idea whatsoever that she was capable of being that disgusting. Apparently she'd even been telling all the men at the party how much she'd love to have sex with them if her boyfriend wasn't there. Everyone knew about it except me, and I'm sure everyone got a laugh over how much of a tool I am. So I confronted her and she admitted it. She promises it was a one-off and she never did it again and she keeps saying how much she changed after that and realised how wrong she'd been. I'm not sure I believe a word. The situation I'm in right now is that I'm almost certainly going to leave her alone with a child, and I think she deserves it. Even if I could forgive her for screwing me over, which I doubt, I find her completely repulsive as a human being. The prospect of ever sleeping with her again makes me wretch. Even if the child is mine (50/50 on that at the moment), and I decide to keep contact, does a child really want a father around who actually HATES it's mother? I'm thinking it would be best if I stepped out of the picture completely, but I'm so confused about it all. Thanks for reading.
Athena Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Hi there... tough situation to be in. Hmm, I would think that if the child is yours, no matter what you feel about his/her mother, you would not speak badly of her to the child, and you would be fully involved in the child's life! As for your g/f... I too find that behavior of hers disgusting! Did you only find out about it NOW? And who told you? She confirmed it after you confronted her, but how did you find out and approach her on it? People like that are damaged goods... simply not for you. Don't force yourself to stay with her when the two of you differ so drastically. What makes me sick is that a loose girl like her won't wind up with a loose man-whore, but a 'nice guy' like you.
Author ichi Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Hi there... tough situation to be in. Hmm, I would think that if the child is yours, no matter what you feel about his/her mother, you would not speak badly of her to the child, and you would be fully involved in the child's life! As for your g/f... I too find that behavior of hers disgusting! Did you only find out about it NOW? And who told you? She confirmed it after you confronted her, but how did you find out and approach her on it? People like that are damaged goods... simply not for you. Don't force yourself to stay with her when the two of you differ so drastically. What makes me sick is that a loose girl like her won't wind up with a loose man-whore, but a 'nice guy' like you. Thanks for replying. I found out about if a few days ago. It's pretty lame how I found out, and I'm not exactly proud of it. Some of her "friends" had warned me about her before and it had been eating away at me a bit. So a few days ago she asks me to fix her laptop and I did a search for my name in her files, not really to be nosy but just to see if she had any pics or anything of me. Maybe it was a bit sneaky, but since she'd quite openly read my text messages any chance she had I'm not feeling overly guilty about it. So I do a search and up pops an old MSN conversation where she's talking about what she'd been up to, practically boasting about it. So that's how I found out. I think you might be right that she isn't for me, but it tears me apart that I only wake up to it now, after over a year and after she's pregnant with (probably) my child.
Trialbyfire Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Before making any permanent decisions, consider abortion, if the pregnancy is still in the first trimester. If she or both of you are determined to allow the fetus to come to term, ensure she's fully aware that you'll insist on a paternity test and if its yours, that you'll pay child support but that there won't be a relationship between the two of you. You might find that she'll look for another father, for the baby, particularly if she's uncertain of its paternity. I wouldn't trust this one, as far as I could throw her. Since I'm a small woman, you can imagine how far I could throw her...
Author ichi Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Before making any permanent decisions, consider abortion, if the pregnancy is still in the first trimester. If she or both of you are determined to allow the fetus to come to term, ensure she's fully aware that you'll insist on a paternity test and if its yours, that you'll pay child support but that there won't be a relationship between the two of you. You might find that she'll look for another father, for the baby, particularly if she's uncertain of its paternity. I wouldn't trust this one, as far as I could throw her. Since I'm a small woman, you can imagine how far I could throw her... I'm afraid abortion is out of the question. She completely refused to consider it, and she's about 24 weeks now. The paternity test is something I'll definitely want, and if it is my child I have no problem paying child support. I'm tall so I could probably throw her quite far. It's tempting!
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Grade A slut who will never learn...leave her unfaithful ass right now...no contact....if the child is your..pay child support and thats it..nothing else...if someone ever did this to me....i dont even know...good luck man...being single is good dont worry bro..your better off.
lostsunsets Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Well at least you didn't marry her and have more kids. A true skank.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I'm afraid abortion is out of the question. She completely refused to consider it, and she's about 24 weeks now. The paternity test is something I'll definitely want, and if it is my child I have no problem paying child support. I'm tall so I could probably throw her quite far. It's tempting! Were I in your shoes, I would go for full custody if the child were mine. You realize that child support can be a HUGE amount of money right?
lkjh Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Don't use that as an excuse to abandon your kid. If it is your child be there for the baby but cut it off with her. But come on man, a 22 year old girl who has had 40+ partners! What did you expect?
Bryanp Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 This is absolutely terrible. She played you for such a fool and to do these things when you are in the next room shows you how totally she disrespects you. The fact that she has had sex with 40 to 50 guys and she is only 22 pretty much sums it up. My guess is more than likely she probably has been cheating on you throughout the relationship. I would seriously have yourself checked for STD's. I am hoping the baby is not yours. Try to get away from her as quickly as possible. She again has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I wish you luck.
reservoirdog1 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Hope you're not living with her. I don't know how the law works where you are. But in my part of the world, a guy who doubts his paternity better get the hell on with establishing it ASAP. Because the longer he goes on playing daddy to the baby, the more likely the court could conclude "Okay, you're not the bio father, but so what." And if the baby isn't yours, then kick her out of your life for good. What a tramp.
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 No red flags came up when you found out she has slept with that many people and only being 22? Was she your first relationship becasue if not..she has cheated on her other relationships and you should NEVER involve yourself with someone like that. Once a cheater..always a cheater...
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Grade A slut who will never learn...leave her unfaithful ass right now...no contact....if the child is your..pay child support and thats it..nothing else...if someone ever did this to me....i dont even know...good luck man...being single is good dont worry bro..your better off. I understand getting away from her, but walking away from your child is a different thing. If you're only a support payment in your child's life, there will come a day when you'll regret it. To use an appropriate analogy, you've made your bed, time to lie in it... Mr. Lucky
Andy L Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 ... and even allowing 2 men at the same time to suck on her breasts. Everyone knew about it except me, and I'm sure everyone got a laugh over how much of a tool I am. OK now you really know her completely enough to put her of your life, right? Don't waste your life/time with this type of girl. Good luck
Dexter Morgan Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 So I confronted her and she admitted it. She promises it was a one-off and she never did it again should have told her right there and then..."damn right it won't happen again, cuz I'm not going to be with you for it to happen again" and she keeps saying how much she changed after that and realised how wrong she'd been. I'm not sure I believe a word. you shouldn't believe her. she's a lying wench. you don't let other men suck on your tits, suck their d!cks at a party.....then all of a sudden say, "I've changed" sorry, doesn't work like that. The situation I'm in right now is that I'm almost certainly going to leave her alone with a child, and I think she deserves it. might not even be your child. but if it is, YOU be a man and take care of it. and yes, she would deserve it...but the child wouldn't. Even if I could forgive her for screwing me over, which I doubt, I find her completely repulsive as a human being. understandable...I'd feel the same way. The prospect of ever sleeping with her again makes me wretch. Even if the child is mine (50/50 on that at the moment), and I decide to keep contact, does a child really want a father around who actually HATES it's mother? no, not good for the child, I can guarantee that. I'm thinking it would be best if I stepped out of the picture completely, but I'm so confused about it all. Thanks for reading. no, if its your child, you be involved, you support your child. You just don't have to be with the little hussbag to still have a relationship with your child. And this child will need someone stable and well grounded in its life. that would be you, cuz it certainly isn't the child's mother.
GorillaTheater Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I understand getting away from her, but walking away from your child is a different thing. If you're only a support payment in your child's life, there will come a day when you'll regret it. To use an appropriate analogy, you've made your bed, time to lie in it... I agree with this. I dump this chick like week-old garbage, she's poison and she'll make your life a never-ending scene from Hellraiser. But the kid is not her. Presuming you are, in fact, the dad, you need to disassociate the two in your mind and be the best dad you can be. Starting with working hard to get custody.
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 All I can say is man... I'm so sorry for you. What you described turned my stomach and it's not even my GF. So sorry man.
Ariadne Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Hi, What do you want us to say? You knew she was promiscuous when you met her, and you thought that she had changed because she told you: you can trust me now. Now she is again trying to convince you that she changed, and you are all jealous. Good luck with the baby (it's yours most likely). (She might change eventually, but she'll have a lot of growing up to do before that)
jnj express Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 If the child is yours, you are its father, do the right thing, and be its father, in fact you may be the only responsible, loving parent the child has, cuz its mother sounds like she doesn't know how to be responsible, she will probably leave child with other s and run around and have her fun no matter what. If child is yours try to get custody and give it a good and proper up-bringing
RunawayTrain Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 TS, do not listen to the "its yours most likely" banter. With her past history and inability to keep her legs shut it is very plausible that the baby is not yours. Do not sign any paperwork and make sure you get a paternity test forthwith. She does not sound like a woman of good moral character.
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My advice: get a paternity test done.. if it's yours.. then support the baby financially... stay away from her.. as much as you can.. she's bad news.. she will NOT stop.. cause she doesn't love you.. she totally disrespect you.. she's almost rubbing it in your face.. Good luck .. and PRAY that the baby is NOT yours.. cause you'll be in contact with her for a verrrry long time..
BUENG1 Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Make sure you don't sign a birth certificate or any other declaration of paternity until you get a paternity test done, or you will be declared the father by default and my be ordered to pay child support regardless of the paternity of the child. It might also be a good idea to get an attorney to either fight for custody if its your or if its not to make sure you aren't made responsible for misplaced child support.
sxyNYCcpl Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 My opinion as to the actions you should take are similar to what you've already seen, though I won't be quite so judgmental. Find out if the baby is yours, if so do the right thing, if not it's not your problem. Then you move on and find a partner that values monogamy, as you do, and she needs to accept the fact that she does not value monogamy, and find a partner with similar beliefs. Right now she's trying to fit a round peg into a square hole... and so are you. Some people have monogamy in their DNA, others don't. Neither is right or wrong, but they are most assuredly not compatible with each other.
Spectre Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 It's stuff like this that make me wonder just what the world is coming to today. I'm a fairly nice guy, I'm around the same age as the poster of this topic(2 years younger actually) and honestly, my dealings with girls in the last 5-6 years, most of them have turned out to be sluts. It's like more and more girls are falling into this category. Even girls whom I thought I had known really well..who I thought could never ever do something like this..have also turned out to be sluts. Now I see this, I can't decide which is worse. That she is 22 and has had over 40 partners..or the fact that she's going around telling people she's had 40 partners..as if it's something to be proud of? It's something to be ashamed of actually.
StarChick Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 It's stuff like this that make me wonder just what the world is coming to today. I'm a fairly nice guy, I'm around the same age as the poster of this topic(2 years younger actually) and honestly, my dealings with girls in the last 5-6 years, most of them have turned out to be sluts. It's like more and more girls are falling into this category. Even girls whom I thought I had known really well..who I thought could never ever do something like this..have also turned out to be sluts. Well, for every slut that's out there, there were guys willing to be with them, (a.k.a. "The Making of the Sluts" HA!) so it just isn't girls. Double standards, blah. OP, I wish you luck and really can't add to the good advice people have posted to your situation. I'm a long time lurker and felt strongly enough about your situation to try to show some support. First post, even! Keep us updated.
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