xall0nblackx Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Hey guys, I'm new at this, so please forgive me if it seems like I'm rambling. I need some help, and would love to hear any advice or opinions. I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years, my first true relationship, and we ended up getting engaged. I was 19, and he was 18 when we met. Our relationship was great for the first year and a half, but then things started to go wrong. We would fight all of the time over silly things, mostly because he was jealous, and I had a hard time trusting him, because he would never give me the "full" story on things. We had broken up a few times but then got back together, and were ok for the most part. His family was going on a cruise and I was invited to join them, so I did. I do not do well on cruise ships, and was pretty seasick most of the time, but still managed to have fun. I fit very well into his family. He proposed to me on the formal night in front of everyone, and I was happy but at the same time very nervous, because at this time, I was 21 and he was turning 20. We were doing ok after the cruise, until we had a very big argument. We decided to try to compromise more, and wouldn't be so uptight about everything. I will let you know, that he did not have a car, and somehow managed to spend his paychecks like they were unlimited, so I was always driving him around, and spotting him money for things. This was a part of the arguement. The next day, after that huge arguement, I picked him up from work, and we went to my house, to just relax and spend some time together. I noticed he was acting very differently, like too quiet, and I asked him if something was wrong. He said he thought "things weren't going to work out." This obviously crushed me, because I was still under the impression that we were going to try harder to make it work. So two days past, and I decide to go see a movie with my best friend. Low and behold, we walk in to the theater, and I see him, the guy I was engaged to only two days ago, holding hands with another girl. Now, this girl wasn't just some random girl. She was a childhood friend of my little sister, and she also worked with him. She knew him and I were engaged, and had said "hi" to me on various occasions when I would stop in to visit him at his job. She had a bad reputation when it came to certain sexual things, and I had heard about them looong before I even suspected anything going on with her and him. So, I'm sure you can guess what happened after that, almost involved me getting arrested, which I do regret to this day. I saw him almost everyday in passing, driving her car, which he was souping up with her money, something that he LOVED to do, and then a month passed, and he called me, begging me to "be in his life" and stupidly, I agreed, because I'd do anything for him. I ended up picking him up, (because he STILL has no car) and we talked all night, which ended up causing him to cheat on his new girl. So, stupid me, thought that this might have been a chance for us to work things out and be together again. Well, I was very wrong. He led me to believe that he was going to tell her about it and leave her, but didn't end up doing that. He told me, "I don't want to hurt her, and I'm stuck with the decision that I made." I didn't take that well, which caused him and I to have some very heated arguements. So now 4 more months have passed, and he decided that he was already in love with her, and again, me being stupid, decided to ask him how he could possibly love someone so fast after loving someone else for so long, and asking them to marry him. He replied, "It's your fault that I'm in love with her so fast. All of the fighting between us brought me closer to her, and I got attached fast." So that was the last thing I ever heard from him. My problem is, that I am in SO much pain over this, and it doesn't take a lot to bring me down, but for some reason I can't get over this, despite 5 months passing. My parents think I need to speak to someone about this, because the way I'm feeling would make one think that him and I broke up yesterday. I can't go out without fearing of seeing them together, I tear up over everything, even something as small as a couple going out to eat at the restaurant that I work at, because it reminds me of him and I. I can't listen to certain songs, watch certain TV shows, or even go certain places anymore, all in fear that something will either remind me of him, or that I will see him. This can't be normal, and while I've had other opportunities to go out with other guys, I don't even want to, because I'm terrified that I will fall for one of them and be hurt like this all over again. If anyone can give me any advice on how to try to get myself back to normal, I'd really appreciate it. And I apologize for this super long post.
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