Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 In my life the best example is that I am highly motivated by fun. That means I tend to be enthusiastic, optimistic, charismatic, live in the moment, but also disorganized and forgetful. I need someone who fits well with those traits. Does that make sense? Yes, that sounds a lot like me I think that "settling" has many connotations, but the real "settling" happens when you know that the person isn't right for you but you marry them anyway because of external reasons. Wanting children, feeling pressured because of your age, that type of thing. When I first met my bf it took a while to feel a strong attraction, yet I knew he was a great guy and I enjoyed being around him. Over time I fell in love because I learned what a wonderful man he is, and what a wonderful boyfriend he is. I know some people who would have bailed early on if they didn't feel a strong connection, yet I feel like our connection is very strong, perhaps stronger because it has grown over time, and continues to grow. I didn't look at him across a crowded room and swoon. I didn't look into his eyes and feel like I was melting. None of that happened right away. Some people think that you have to have that right away, or it's not real. I think that that "connection" that people feel right away is more often a strong sexual attraction, which doesn't necessarily mean you will be right for each other in a relationship. Of course, there are those people who feel that right away and they do have a great relationship. But more often than not, I think it is just a strong sexual attraction.
Author tigressA Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 In my life the best example is that I am highly motivated by fun. That means I tend to be enthusiastic, optimistic, charismatic, live in the moment, but also disorganized and forgetful. I need someone who fits well with those traits. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Thank you
Author tigressA Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 This part is would make me worry. It may just be a lack of emotional maturity on his part. Sit back and see how long he continues to be affectionate towards you. Yeah, that ended days ago. I'm still being much less "emotional", still doing the pull-back thing, and it really has made me feel so much less needy; I don't feel like I need him to validate me emotionally, but it's not having any effect on him anymore. He's gone back to what he normally does--he's physically affectionate, but when it isn't convenient for him, he cracks jokes about wanting me to "go away" and whatnot (I posted about all this in another thread). I've been doing my own thing much more, but he's stopped seeking me out like he did for a few days. He said "I love you" without prompting a few times, but now he's gone back to saying it only after I do--and I hardly say it at all anymore. I feel like I should be completely okay with the fact that he's gone back to how he usually is, since I've changed. But I liked that he was opening up and being less sarcastic.
Krytie TV Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Settling is the product of the conflict between idealism and reality. This battle can only go on for so long before people begin to realize that the two will never coincide. So what is there to do? Stick with the one who encompasses "most" of what you're looking for. I find it rather naive to think that millions of people will always find that "one" if they just hold out long enough. Come on... really?
Ariadne Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Settling is the product of the conflict between idealism and reality. This battle can only go on for so long before people begin to realize that the two will never coincide. So what is there to do? Stick with the one who encompasses "most" of what you're looking for. I find it rather naive to think that millions of people will always find that "one" if they just hold out long enough. Come on... really? Yeah, most people's relationship is total crap (rarely you will find someone that is with a soulmate). So, what is left is to settle, if you don't want to be alone.
Isolde Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Yeah, most people's relationship is total crap (rarely you will find someone that is with a soulmate). So, what is left is to settle, if you don't want to be alone. I don't believe that relationships even * should * be a soulmate situation, if you're going to use the word soulmate in a literal way. People's deepest natures are separate for a reason. You can share them at times but not all the time. IMO.
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Settling is the product of the conflict between idealism and reality. This battle can only go on for so long before people begin to realize that the two will never coincide. So what is there to do? Stick with the one who encompasses "most" of what you're looking for. I find it rather naive to think that millions of people will always find that "one" if they just hold out long enough. Come on... really?It would only be naive, if you believe in "soulmates" or that there's only "one" for you, in the whole, wide world. Beyond that, people can be compatible to many people. The many narrows down to a few, the more selective you are.
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