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Posted

Day 14 since I saw him last. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice with NC. I told him via text message after I realized how little he was trying. I beleive I said somthing to the effect of " You and I aren't offering eachother the same thing anymore. Friends is not working for me. I hope you understand why we can't be in contact anymore. Sorry for all the butt hole things I did". His response was "okay?" and that was the end of it.

 

Like I said, he was barely trying. Even though he wanted to "wait and see" what happens, it was all one sided. Everything was on his terms, he wouldn't call or text me back. When I saw him, I felt like such a fool. Like I tried so hard to be fun and positive, but it was really killing me. I wonder now if he realized just how hard the last 6 months were..pretending to be okay with everything.

 

So I know NC is the best thing for me. I refuse to drag this break up out any longer, and since he wouldn't just let it go, I had to end the contact. Trust me, I tried everything! I am so ready to wake up and not think of him. To go to bed and not worry about the dreams I am going to have. And more importantly, to just live my life without regard to how he is spending his day. Life my life for me. I just want that right away. I am leaving for Europe very soon, and I am dreading it! That's got to be nuts, right? I feel like I am running away from my life (and I kind of think I am).

 

While it's only been 6 days NC, we have been split for 6 months. That is also the longest I have gone being single since...forever. Since I started dating! I am trying to use it at a chance to just be single, but honestly, I want to date. I miss having somone special and everything that comes with it. I just feel like I have so much love, and no where to direct it. So my roomates get a lot of home made dinners and baked goods :) Might as well spoil them.

 

Tommorow is one week. One day at a time, right?

Posted

I was just thinking yesterday how before I had met my boyfriend, I had a very happy, contented life. I really was in a place back then where I just thought the icing on the cake would be someone to share it with. Unfortunately, I wonder if being in a relationship is what made me revert to my old brand of insecurity or if it was him in particular. I guess why I'm writing this is that it sounds like you have to find that contented, happy place for you without your ex. I'm surprised to hear anyone say they haven't been alone for six months. Interesting. How old are you anyway, if you don't mind saying?

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Posted
I was just thinking yesterday how before I had met my boyfriend, I had a very happy, contented life. I really was in a place back then where I just thought the icing on the cake would be someone to share it with. Unfortunately, I wonder if being in a relationship is what made me revert to my old brand of insecurity or if it was him in particular. I guess why I'm writing this is that it sounds like you have to find that contented, happy place for you without your ex. I'm surprised to hear anyone say they haven't been alone for six months. Interesting. How old are you anyway, if you don't mind saying?

 

I am 26yrs old. And pretty much, I have had 4 long term relationships since I started dating at 16-17 ish. All pretty great guys. I am looking forward to be single..it just seems like I get single, and then I start meeting a ton of guys, and somehow I have just met really terrific salt of the earth guys and it ends up working for awhile...And before you jump on me, I am fiercly independant, despite my track record. I work full time, go to school full time, play in a volleyball league, take horseback riding lessons and have many friends. I have always maintained a sense of "me". That's not lost. I am just mourning the relationship between he and I being gone. I thought he was the "one".

Posted

I certainly would not jump on you. I just wondered. I think it's great that you have a lot going on in your life...and Europe!! I had my children when I was young. I was married, divorced and too busy and too scared (if I'm honest) to be in a relationship again. In the last five years, I've done a lot of self-work and was ready and brave. I actually wish I could be more like you've described yourself as getting out, meeting people and having mostly successful relationships. I've always been mostly introverted although I am known to be a good friend and I do have many people in my life who I'm thankful for. It's hard for me to be in a relationship and really get close. It scares me, truly. I've always wanted to go to Europe. I keep saying once my kids are grown, I get to see the world! They're 12 & 13 now, so really it's not that far off for me. All that said about the introversion and all, I really do have a fulfilling life. My children are my joy and I work full-time and go to school part-time. When I get finished with school, I'll be a social worker, which has been my dream...and I'll still be fairly young.

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