pandagirl Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 So, just as I was throwing in the towel with my guy, I logged into the dating site to perhaps find some new interesting dating material, and I couldn't help but check his profile. It was turned off. This is a recent development, because he hasn't even been logging in for the past month or so. Does this mean anything?
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 So, just as I was throwing in the towel with my guy, I logged into the dating site to perhaps find some new interesting dating material, and I couldn't help but check his profile. It was turned off. This is a recent development, because he hasn't even been logging in for the past month or so. Does this mean anything? hard to say. maybe his subscription ran out of it's a pay site. or he may be tired of looking best to ask him directly what is going on.
Author pandagirl Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 hard to say. maybe his subscription ran out of it's a pay site. or he may be tired of looking best to ask him directly what is going on. You can pay, but one your paid membership runs out, you just get certain things taken away (sending messages, etc.). I know he's been on this particular website off-and-on for over six years. But, yeah, I should just ask...if I ever heard from him again!
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 You can pay, but one your paid membership runs out, you just get certain things taken away (sending messages, etc.). I know he's been on this particular website off-and-on for over six years. But, yeah, I should just ask...if I ever heard from him again! panda! if it's bugging you and you want to know where you stand, get in touch with him. otherwise, you'll just keeping wondering and waiting.
Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Seeing as you're incommunicado right now, I don't think it has anything to do with you. Thus, I wouldn't overthink it.
Author pandagirl Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Seeing as you're incommunicado right now, I don't think it has anything to do with you. Thus, I wouldn't overthink it. Well, he wrote me an email yesterday asking how I was (i hurt my back).
Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 PG, it sounds like he's not that into you, and you're not that into him either. So why are you overthinking this? Is it ego-driven? I know I've been in that place before...
Thaddeus Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Sorry about your back, Panda. Have you tried Robaxacet? It saved me many, many sleepless nights. I wouldn't read anything at all into why he may not be on that dating site anymore. Could be his subscription ran out, could be he met someone else, could be he's taking a dating moratorium, or could be any number of other reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Don't over-think this (though I know it's hard). Just let it go as best you can and move forward.
NotNow Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 If you two haven't been talking (other than the how are you email - hope you're not in too much pain, btw), I'm sure his action has nothing to do with you.
Author pandagirl Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 My back is doing ok -- thanks for asking! The thing is, I do like him...at least enough to want to get to know him better. It's just strange that he took off his profile recently, after not logging in for awhile.
Lindarose84 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I agree with others in that, seeing as how you guys have not been speaking as of late, chances are his taking his profile down hasn't nothing to do with you. It may be that something is going on in his life (work maybe?) that he just doesn't feel like dating at all at this point. If it's something that you really want to know the reason behind, just ask him.
Kamille Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Ah men. Hang back, keep your options open and see what happens. Don't you wish it were easier? That we had a magic ball that would allow us to see in the future and tell us whether or not a guy was worth our time?
Author pandagirl Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Ah men. Hang back, keep your options open and see what happens. Don't you wish it were easier? That we had a magic ball that would allow us to see in the future and tell us whether or not a guy was worth our time? Yes! He's been like this since I starting dating him. I remember when I told him I had herpes, I didn't hear from him for five days and I thought things were over, then on the 5th day I got a present in the mail from him. Can you say inconsistent?? Keeping my options open is the right attitude. I have a lot of great things going on in my life anyway.
Author pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Just a little update: I talked to him today on the phone and asked him how his weekend was and how he was feeling (was sick over the weekend, we didn't see each other). Long story short, he admitted to me he suffers from depression and mild agoraphobia. Knowing this, his actions now makes A LOT of sense -- chronic sickness, not wanting to spend the night at my place, etc. Not saying this makes everything OK, but it's cleared up some questions I've had.
Thaddeus Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Not saying this makes everything OK, but it's cleared up some questions I've had. See? It had nothing whatsoever to do with you. There's a good lesson in this, and please don't take this as a criticism: The actions of others do not revolve around you.
Author pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 See? It had nothing whatsoever to do with you. There's a good lesson in this, and please don't take this as a criticism: The actions of others do not revolve around you. Not a criticism at all! How you interpret things is all about YOU not the other person.
Kamille Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 So PG... Where does his recent disclosure leave you? Are you still interested in pursuing something with this guy?
Author pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 So PG... Where does his recent disclosure leave you? Are you still interested in pursuing something with this guy? Yeah, totally. I mean...I suffer from depression, and am on anti-depressants, so I don't judge people on these things, BUT i do judge on his level of interest towards me, which really needs to step up if this is going to go anywhere.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Yeah, totally. I mean...I suffer from depression, and am on anti-depressants, so I don't judge people on these things, BUT i do judge on his level of interest towards me, which really needs to step up if this is going to go anywhere. How much does his interest level matter compared to how he expresses it? He may be completely smitten with you, but unable to show it in any "normal" fashion. Would that be okay with you?
Author pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 How much does his interest level matter compared to how he expresses it? He may be completely smitten with you, but unable to show it in any "normal" fashion. Would that be okay with you? That would have to be a discussion we'd have to have. I'd just have to know what is "normal" to him.
Kamille Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I guess for me, one of the questions would be: do his feelings of depression make him emotionally unavailable? But I guess the most important thing to figure out is, like you said, are you compatible when it comes to expressing affection, care and interests as things are now (depression and all, because you cannot get into relationship expecting things to change). Is it strange that your situation reminds me of my attempts to establish a relationship with a man who was right smack in the middle of a separation? He would express strong interest and then disappear for days as he tried to take care of everyone's needs. In the end, as selfish as it sounds, I realized I needed more then he was capable of offering at the time.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 That would have to be a discussion we'd have to have. I'd just have to know what is "normal" to him. Isn't his behavior right now the norm for him? Hasn't it bit throughout the duration of your "relationship"?
Author pandagirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 I guess for me, one of the questions would be: do his feelings of depression make him emotionally unavailable? But I guess the most important thing to figure out is, like you said, are you compatible when it comes to expressing affection, care and interests as things are now (depression and all, because you cannot get into relationship expecting things to change). Is it strange that your situation reminds me of my attempts to establish a relationship with a man who was right smack in the middle of a separation? He would express strong interest and then disappear for days as he tried to take care of everyone's needs. In the end, as selfish as it sounds, I realized I needed more then he was capable of offering at the time. Yes, I guess it's just hard to determine what he is thinking, unless I ask him directly. The thing is, I am similar to him -- I have troubles expressing affection, care and interest, because I am so guarded and a bit emotionally unavailable. But I'm working on it, slowly but surely. Isn't his behavior right now the norm for him? Hasn't it bit throughout the duration of your "relationship"? His behavior has been totally consistent since we've been dating. That is ok with me, as long as I know as he WANTS to date me. I am almost 100% sure he is not dating anyone else. I am intending on bringing this up with him, but we need to gain a little momentum before that happens. I think I have to take the lead in this relationship. We had very tentative plans to see each other last night, but he already had plans with a friend and it didn't end up happening. He said he would call me today, and he just did. Whenever he says he's going to do something, he does it, without fail. He never blows me off, he just...fails to show consistent interest!
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