broken_promises Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I am absolutely fixated on calling my ex. It has been three weeks. We have had one email exchange and I am trying to stay NC. Is it really just my stupid response to rejection? The morning I left, he said "We'll talk later" and then didn't call that night. Instead, he spent time on Facebook with his crush from high school. For some reason, when I saw that, I just totally knew that it was over and it was really liberating. The fact that he didn't call seemed to give me all the information I needed. But then he emailed a few days later with just a "check in" email, I wrote back after a week, and then he replied. In his reply, he said that he had opted for a "less invasive" email rather than a phone call in case I had needed space and then wrote, "But we'll talk on the phone soon, okay?" I was SO angry about that because it is SO patronizing. As if I am a child or something... like saying, "We'll go to the park soon, okay?" or something. Yet, regardless of how little I obviously mean to him and how it is evident that he does not feel the need to talk to me and has just moved on with all these new things in his life, I am still so upset that he has never called. So, I'm obsessed with wanting to call him. I don't really even have anything that I need to say to him. I don't even miss him that much and I would think it would be really weird to talk to him now after three weeks of NC... so WHY can't I stop wanting to call!?! It is driving me crazy.
mammax3 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 He's doing a great job of keeping his hook in you - even if he doesn't know that it's making you crazy. Maybe he's waiting until you do initiate contact so he can have his ego assauged. (I hear ya, though. I really want to hear my ex's voice. Butterflies flit just below my belly button in my stomach, waiting until they can fly out when I say Hello to him.)
Author broken_promises Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Yeah, whether he is doing it intentionally or not, he is definitely keeping his "hook" in me. Which I hate. My question is though... is it all as malicious as people make it out to be sometimes on here? I mean, I know my ex really well... I don't think that he is manipulative. I always think that we are both just trying to do the same thing - move on, keep no contact, wait for the other person to initiate so we don't look weak, etc. At least I want to believe that we are both hurting and struggling with the same things. Even if we both knew that breaking up was the best thing and that we are both trying to keep busy to distract us, I still have to think that we are both also hurting and missing each other.
mammax3 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 BP, I can't recall all the particulars of your situation. I personally don't think that it's terrible to contact, but it certainly depends on the individuals. Providing that there was no abuse, or threatening behaviour, it can be okay to contact - again, depending on the situation since if one partner yelled, threatened, was very mean then I don't think that there would be much mutual support. If the break up was amicable, without any actual blame or fault of either person, due to the situation (distance, mutual incompatibility etc) I think that these are times when it may be okay. Maybe the reason many people think it's not okay to contact would be the interaction is just a crutch. You won't be able to rely on this person in the future as they will be supporting another person with no time for you. It's going to hurt just as much or more later when you reach out to this person for support again and it's not available anymore. Using the contact/person as a bridge to independance may not be a bad thing...?
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 yeah but NC is good for the heart right now on day1 and it freakin sux big time i am constantly thinkin about her(and the other guy now) it hurts but it comes in waves so i will be alright. i really need this NC cuz im crazy (in love also..lol:(
aloneanddepressed Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 Wow, I almost thought I posted this..haha. It has been 3 weeks since I talked to my BF or should I say EX, and he said "ill talk to you later" but never did. I also, saw him on Facebook flirting with other girls. At least you were able to have one email exchange. My BF apparently thought I wasn't worthy of even that. I first tried to call him, and sent numerous IM's and messages and nothing. It sounds like he is stringing you along, and wants to break up, but doesn't know how to tell you. You might as well just break up with him now, before he disappears on you. I'm almost sure this is what happened to me. You have to love jerks. I am absolutely fixated on calling my ex. It has been three weeks. We have had one email exchange and I am trying to stay NC. Is it really just my stupid response to rejection? The morning I left, he said "We'll talk later" and then didn't call that night. Instead, he spent time on Facebook with his crush from high school. For some reason, when I saw that, I just totally knew that it was over and it was really liberating. The fact that he didn't call seemed to give me all the information I needed. But then he emailed a few days later with just a "check in" email, I wrote back after a week, and then he replied. In his reply, he said that he had opted for a "less invasive" email rather than a phone call in case I had needed space and then wrote, "But we'll talk on the phone soon, okay?" I was SO angry about that because it is SO patronizing. As if I am a child or something... like saying, "We'll go to the park soon, okay?" or something. Yet, regardless of how little I obviously mean to him and how it is evident that he does not feel the need to talk to me and has just moved on with all these new things in his life, I am still so upset that he has never called. So, I'm obsessed with wanting to call him. I don't really even have anything that I need to say to him. I don't even miss him that much and I would think it would be really weird to talk to him now after three weeks of NC... so WHY can't I stop wanting to call!?! It is driving me crazy.
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