t0ri Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I'm honestly starting to get scared that I'll never get over my ex dumping me, or him himself. We've been broken up for almost 5 months. He came back about 3 weeks after first dumping me, and promised slow reconciliation, but ended things for good a month later. We've had 1 brief contact since then, in which he said yes when I asked if he wanted me out of his life forever. So we've been done for good for 3 months. I'll never understand what happened really. But I'm getting worried that I'm never going to get over this. He and I haven't been dating for 5 months, and I'm still crying over him! I guess I didn't try to move on until he ended things for good 3 months ago, but shouldn't I be feeling better now? I was feeling great for awhile, but the cycle seems to have started over, and I feel bad again. The 1 year anniversary of the day I miscarried my ex and I's baby was around the 4th of July, and I've been depressed since the week before it. I can't shake it! Me getting pregnant pushed my ex away, and made me more attached to him. I was dying to talk to the only person who might understand, him, that week, but I couldn't - for my own sake and because he doesn't want to hear from me ever. I'm just so sad about ALL OF IT! I feel stuck. And I just read a post about someone who's been broken up with their ex for 2 years and is still grieving about it. I feel for her, but I'm really scared I'm going to be that way! Anyone else getting nervous about that? Any encouragement?
imhurt Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 You'll get over him, there is other/better men out there. You are obviously strong enough if you have not contacted him. That takes alot. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years 4 days ago. It is HELL! I have not contacted him, and hope I don't. I love him, but it just didn't work. I really hope this doesn't last for even 5 months. I dont think I could handle it. Good luck to you and forget him!
sedgwick Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 At three months, I still cried every single day and could barely sleep or eat. I'm the one who's been grieving for two years, and I grieved my first love for 12 years (after a 3-month relationship!) However, I doubt you'll be like that. And even though I still hurt a lot and dream about him every night, I don't cry every day, and I can sleep and eat again. It HAS gotten better, a little. Me getting pregnant pushed my ex away WTF?!?!?! Did he think you got pregnant by yourself? I will never, ever, ever understand guys who act like this. What was his reason for never wanting to hear from you again? Because he got you pregnant and couldn't deal with what a jackass he was about it, perhaps?!
broken_promises Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I read an interesting thought that said getting over your ex is proportional to how long it takes you to feel better about yourself. And, as with any type of grief (death, breakup, miscarriage, etc.) there is no common timeframe. It is different for everyone. I do think that working on yourself emotionally - in therapy or writing or whatever works for you - can help, especially when you are dealing with this loss. The thing of it is that you didn't just lose him once, but twice because he came back and then ended it again. You are not just losing him, but you also have to spend time grieving for the hopes and plans that you had together and, it sounds like, grieving for the miscarriage and the disappointment that his reaction to your pregnancy brought on. It is unfortunate, but the thing about time is that it takes time... and you can't rush it. And honestly, three months is really not that long to be processing this grief. It is, essentially, like you are grieving the death of the relationship.
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