secretagentman Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 excuse the name. I find it neccessary to start a new thread because I am not finding anything as such, my circumstance. I have a service business, where I get to enjoy doing what I do. I am a great looking guy. I know that I am one among the masses of men with somewhat of a similar problem, but now, I find that I have a problem that I don't really know how to deal with. You see, before we were married, my wife who then was my girlfriend used to seduce me, on a daily basis. I sure tried to avoid those situations because of religious reasons, but was desired by this girl, beyond words. needless to say, but for other reasons, I enjoyed being with her, other than our crazy excellent sex life. I broke it off with her for, what had been only 3 weeks. she missed me, and I certainly missed her. So that's when I went and purchased a ring and so on, and so on - a few months later we were married, (at age 20 and I at age 23.) The very next morning after our marriage, there became a strange distance from me. Somehow we have speculated the reason for that distance was for the fact that her adoptive family is a controlling bunch... sure enough, that was a huge problem, so we moved out of that state and now don't associate with them any longer, since 4 years ago. we are both happy about that. The problem really really hurt me. Our sex life on the honeymoon was completely different. Yes, I still gave her crazy orgasms, but she was not at all an instigator. I had certainly lost something. I didn't know what had happened at that time. frustrating, sad - ya, to say the least. I spoke to her about it, and she blamed it on being out of the states. I already came from a middle child syndrome situation where I was quite neglected and had huge self esteem issues. It was controlled, but still apart of me at that young adult age. Key - when we returned from our honeymoon, new life, new place, new person. She no longer wanted me. and I tried, but she said she wasn't in the mood, or made up some other excuse. 2 months. That went on, and we did not have any type of sexual contact for 2 whole months. her knowing my frustrations and I in anger, after that long span of emptiness was quite enraged. there she gave in, and started putting a little effort in giving me her orgasms a couple times a month. I think most of you know where I am kinda going with this. It hasn't been the same. The girl who used to throw herself at me, whom I proposed to long ago, she gone. She has made strides and about 2yrs ago she read Dr Laura's book, the proper care and feeding of husbands. It got better, by her letting me have her. She still has orgasms every time, so that's no problem - and usually, our sessions last anywhere from 5 minutes to 20 minutes... shoot, I rock the clock if she desired me to. I am a great looking 31 year old, and a very desirable man. She does it willingly, but still, there is no passion. I have been making excuses for her for 7 years, and fighting with her all the long about it. I've told her what I think. a few months after dr laura's book, she apologized to me for not putting me first - a few months later with good conversation, I told her that I nearly cheated on her - with a girl whom I worked with. well, I guess what I did with her, was cheating. she grabbed my bare erected manhood after a long course of conversation and flirting. I don't know what had stopped me. I was not getting the affection that i was all too used to getting, before we said 'i do'. I certainly had resentment for the ignoring of my feelings and strides to communicate. Well, this is something that I have been doing with her for all this time. It had gotten better after that great book of Dr. Laura's. But she still treats it like a chore. little to no passion. Here's the turning point and why I am seeking understanding to what's happening to me and my feelings. I've shared my feelings with another divorced young woman, who too, had been cheated on. Why is she here with me? Why am I feeling wanted? Why am I feeling, no longer to try to have an intimate relationship with my wife, and mother of my 3 children? Will it ever change? it's been 7 years of fighting with her, and quite a few sleepless nights because she does not seem to want to be that girl I proposed to. why? I don't understand. I know this young woman cannot be a good thing for our marriage.
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